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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by babybeeno1 View Post
    As for your mum living in Ireland your back here saying the time diff is to hard. I'm sorry but it's not. If you wanted to speak with your family you would make it happen ! Ireland is only a 7 hour difference.
    At the moment it's a nine hour difference.
    Right now I've just got home from school, have the housework to catch up on, laundry to load, dinner to prep, and kids to sort out.
    In Ireland it's 7:30am, and even if my mam was up, she would be either running after her grandkids or going to work.
    This time of yr is near impossible to get any kind of call in unless it's the weekend. It's actually easier when there's 11 hours between us. Makes the wintertime here even more of a drag when we can't connect to loved ones easily.

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    Freyamum  (01-05-2017)

  3. #22
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    I find the 9 hour difference hard with my brother. Weekends are really the only time we can talk and as he has small kids as well, often there's only a small window when both sets of kids are up. Skype has done amazing things to keep people connected but there's still a whole world between us.

    It seems to me that you're feeling pretty isolated in general and the visit with your family has highlighted how little you have here and how much you miss them. Moving back to Ireland is clearly not option unless your DH is on board which sounds pretty doubtful so you need to figure out a way to make your life here more fulfilling. Only you can know whether or not that includes your DH. But from the sounds of it, it's time to poop or get off the pot (so to say). Find, a job, start studying, make a friend, kick him out, accept him as is, throw yourself into your kids or put them in daycare. Do SOMETHING because eventually, your unhappiness will become your own doing and you wont be able to blame it on absent family, a distant husband or noisy kids. I really hope you find your happy however it may come.

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    SuperGranny  (02-05-2017)

  5. #23
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    Hi there - I looked for your thread since you said your partner sounded like mine. They do sound similar - cold and detached from the world. I am wondering how you could make some more connections locally - a playgroup (sorry if you have already done this), or another mother's group, a group of expats, an Irish group, anything really! Could you work a day a week and put the kids in daycare?

    I'm really sorry you feel this way - I know what it's like to be alone in a foreign place. Please try to get out there - I promise you there are other Mums around who also need support.

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    Freyamum  (06-05-2017)

  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoe1978 View Post
    Hi there - I looked for your thread since you said your partner sounded like mine. They do sound similar - cold and detached from the world. I am wondering how you could make some more connections locally - a playgroup (sorry if you have already done this), or another mother's group, a group of expats, an Irish group, anything really! Could you work a day a week and put the kids in daycare?

    I'm really sorry you feel this way - I know what it's like to be alone in a foreign place. Please try to get out there - I promise you there are other Mums around who also need support.
    Thanks those are all good ideas and I know I have to make more of an effort to find other forms of support. Last week I actually caught up with 2 friends and reconnected with another I'd not seen in ages and just chatting to them has lifted my mood so much. Maybe it actually helps that they are going through some tough times too so I don't feel like a downer? I'd love to find an expat group. I tried setting one up on playmate but timing was off and now that site is closed temporarily. The Irish playgroup I planned to join ended up having to close due to low numbers as did my local pg! But we are going to try again with that one. The great thing about being home and seeing family and old friends is that I remember that I am a nice person. I've never been a super social butterfly and prefer a smaller close knit group but I think my real friends appreciate my honesty and loyalty. It's been much harder to be there for friends here though since dd2 as I've been stressed out 99% of the time on just the basics with house and school / after school stuff and the awful truth is dp hasn't wanted to be involved with her and I've been scared to leave her with him as he's so lax.
    I just read something you said about you changing / losing your identify a bit? That so resonates with me. I've been aware of this and always put it down to being a busy sahm. Now I wonder if it's part of his control over me. I've forgotten who i am and what I like. It's just been easier to go along with things. For example I loved relaxing beach holidays. Calm sea water. Dp took one with me when we dated. He did admit to being a bit bored but now our breaks away have changed so much. He tries to find active things like skiing or rough seas and places kids can try out more adrenaline rushes. Part of me has felt this is a normal change as we have kids but I've also got to the point where I don't even know what I like doing. He uses statements like "we like doing x" and over the years I've just gone along rather than start a war. So the few things I do feel strongly about often cause big blow ups.
    Definitely my first focus is thinking about me and what I need and want. I'm going to see a relationship counsellor with or without him.

  8. #25
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    I read earlier on in your thread you want to take time to gather yourself and get ready, or something like that. I can relate, but how long is this? I don't know myself.

    Your point about remembering you are a nice person after being around your friends is totally me too. I remember I am not only nice but actually fun as well! And this doesn't even have to be my friends alone - other couples or just acquaintances I see with or without husband do this for me too. You feel alive again and more human.

    Well done for seeing a counsellor - I should do the same at least to get my head around it all. Our relationship is obviously pretty toxic, I am starting to realise that now.

    I can't imagine what it is like for you - or maybe I can because I am kind of in the same boat just with older kids and an end date for returning home.

    How do you feel about those first steps of when you actually tell him you want out?

  9. #26
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    Not sure where in Sydney you live but this popped up in my newsfeed
    IMG_1494073778.235604.jpg

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