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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    OP serious question, why are you still with this guy?

    i think i would really struggle to stay with a man who was apathetic to one of our children. fair cop if he wasn't thrilled about having another child, but i find it alarming he's never grown to love her, in fact, he sounds as though he simply doesn't care.

    i just couldn't be with a person like that. i wouldn't trust them and their behaviour would erode and love and respect i once held towards them.

    are you really still wanting to me married to this guy? if not, why are you still there?

    i always get the impression from your posts that you're waiting for and expecting some outside force to change your situation. if you're unhappy, and it sounds as though you are, i don't understand why you make excuse after excuse. you need to be making changes here. stop waiting for this guy to come to the party. take charge of your own life. move back to ireland if you have to?
    Quote Originally Posted by Freyamum View Post
    And the thing now that makes me question me needing mental health help is that I didn't feel depressed for one minute with my family who love me and allow me to express my views even when we don't agree.
    I think TC really hit the nail on the head here. Your partner is essentially emotionally neglecting and repressing you, and that's just whatnI get from what you post. He seems selfish and self absorbed, and even seems to be emotionally neglecting the kids in some regards (I don't know if it is all regards, I don't know your situation). When you were with your family you felt fine. That speaks volumes to me. Maybe it's time to cut your losses with your partner and do something for you - to make you happy.

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  3. #12
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    Sorry FM but I have to echo what the other's have said. But in saying that I don't know what advice to give you about implementing it.

    Do your family know about your home situation?

  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    OP serious question, why are you still with this guy?

    i think i would really struggle to stay with a man who was apathetic to one of our children. fair cop if he wasn't thrilled about having another child, but i find it alarming he's never grown to love her, in fact, he sounds as though he simply doesn't care.

    i just couldn't be with a person like that. i wouldn't trust them and their behaviour would erode and love and respect i once held towards them.

    are you really still wanting to me married to this guy? if not, why are you still there?

    i always get the impression from your posts that you're waiting for and expecting some outside force to change your situation. if you're unhappy, and it sounds as though you are, i don't understand why you make excuse after excuse. you need to be making changes here. stop waiting for this guy to come to the party. take charge of your own life. move back to ireland if you have to?
    I agree with this 100%. As tough as it may be, I think you need to ask yourself some of these questions about your relationship and the person you are married to.
    It is time to take charge of your life, what you see for your future and for your children's future

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  6. #14
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    I can't leave and take my kids to Ireland they are all Aussies. My friend is going through a break up from a man not dissimilar and it's so ugly. He's making her life hell shes had to sleep in her Tweens bedroom as he won't move out and she can't afford to. I just don't think I can cope with leaving with no support but can't cope living with him. I know he won't change. I think I need to focus on getting me stronger first. I talked to a good friend today and that's really helped. Maybe I can see a relationship councillor by myself? Or just a regular apt with a psychologist as living inside my own head makes things much worse

  7. #15
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    You've been saying for a long time that you hate being a SAHM and want to work. Why not actively look for work while seeing a counsellor, save money and move out? I think you need to make some firm decisions and put some plans into motion to get out of the relationship and get happy within yourself. Nothing will change unless you change it.

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  9. #16
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    OP. Going from a previous post you made last year. Why haven't you left your dp yet ? He holds no regard for you nor your children. I remember a comment you made where he and dd went for a walk and he came home without her? That's some serious stuff right there. He does not care for your children safety and obviously does not care for yourself and your emotional and mental well being

    As for your mum living in Ireland your back here saying the time diff is to hard. I'm sorry but it's not. If you wanted to speak with your family you would make it happen ! Ireland is only a 7 hour difference. In an hour it will 630am text your mum tell her you want to Skype it's not that hard. Shove the kids in front of the tv with a drink and shacks and go converse with your mother. If that's to late do it at night time when the kids are asleep and go out to back. If your dh asks why tell him it's your mum and what's it to him. I have a 14 hour diff with my sister but we talk 2x times a week and text all the time. I'll FaceTime her at 9pm and it's 7am for her or vice versa and every weekend our kids FaceTime each other

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  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    You've been saying for a long time that you hate being a SAHM and want to work. Why not actively look for work while seeing a counsellor, save money and move out? I think you need to make some firm decisions and put some plans into motion to get out of the relationship and get happy within yourself. Nothing will change unless you change it.
    I agree with this and want to add that you do not need a 'career job' right now.

    Priorities change and if the priority is for you to leave then get yourself set up for that.

    Speak to Centrelink. Start saving money. Apply for jobs - any jobs. Look for houses to move to. Speak to your family if you need support.

  12. #18
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    There is actually 9 hours difference but it's not hard to find time. We Skype my in laws in Ireland every week.

  13. #19
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    I find sites like this one really helpful when trying to stay in touch with SIL in London.

    OP, I'm sorry things are so tough. While we don't yet have children I will offer some thoughts based on my relationship.

    I stopped work for 18 months, we were mid IVF, home renos and I didn't enjoy my job. I ended up so depressed, isolated. Returning to work was the best thing ever. I work 2 days and it is wonderful to be around different people, have things outside the house to talk about. I know you want to study but what about a job at Coles, Kmart or something like that. It could be flexible with kids and doesn't require current experience.

    If a job is just to much right now what about volunteering at school, tuck shop would be good so you could chat to other mums.

    Use the site above and make a plan to Skype with Mum once a week, it will help. If you are worried about privacy use a messaging app at the set time.

    I think some solo counselling would be good to help you work out what you want/need. Is this a relationship that can be improved? Will improving your mental health make things a bit better? Etc.

    Don't discount medication for depression. Talk to your GP.

    I have depression and have had a pretty terrible 18months, being with family and friends improves my mood. Not because I'm not with DH but because I'm distracted and not focused on what's bothering me.

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  15. #20
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    Is there money you could squirrel away each week? Even if it's just $10 a week?


 

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