+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,073
    Thanks
    631
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Depressed without support

    Or depressed because of no support? I've just come back from a few weeks in Ireland with my family. Since surprise baby #3 things have been bad at home. Can't talk to dp about anything now. Have episodes of feeling ok and feeling really down, crying, depressed. While away I never fought an urge to cry once. I was still under stress at times as I'm the only one who looks after Ms3 (he wanted a termination not got over fact she exists). As soon as I'm back I feel so depressed again. I have no family here and lost touch with most of friends as their kids much older and all back at work. I feel like a prisoner in my house. I've nowhere to go, no one to see. Our house is one of the issues and I tried again to talk to dp but he just dismisses the idea of moving. No matter what I point out as making life harder for me he just keeps defending this house, this area. But he's gone 7-7 mon-fri. So when I think of the ideas to help pull someone out of a depressed mood I can't do any of them - talk to someone. Nope got no one. Go for a walk. Nope nowhere around here to walk. Listen to music makes me cry. Read a book - in a house with 3 noisy kids?!?! I feel like I'm heading towards a complete mental breakdown. I told my 10 year old I miss home and wish we lived there and she says "so you want to move away and ruin our lives". And I know I shouldn't be talking to her about why I'm sad but sometimes pretending all is ok for them gets too much and I snap, can't hold it in. I know if I could just spend an hour chatting to my mum / anyone who cares about me I'd be ok. But there's no one and that's why I know it's this life here that's the main problem. I could ask for antidepressants but I'd still be stuck here feeling alone and isolated in suburbia. In a normal relationship I could say I'm feeling depressed cus we're back here and this house doesn't feel like home but he doesn't do feelings. Keeps trying to chat about things I've no interest in like sport.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    7,523
    Thanks
    5,048
    Thanked
    4,586
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    big hugs, that sounds tough. i don't have my family close by either and it's hard.

    do you see a future with your partner? is he very loving towards your daughter? to me, he sounds like an insensitive and unsuppprtive as$hole. would you consider going your own separate ways?

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    7,523
    Thanks
    5,048
    Thanked
    4,586
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    you say if you could spend time chatting to your mum you'd feel better. what's stopping you from having regular phone/skype catch ups with your mum/family back home?

    i wouldn't really take on board off the cuff comments from a kid either. does a child have the maturity or experience to comment accurately on a situation? no, most likely not.

    you sound like someone who's in crisis and has lost the motivation to believe there's a way out.

    why can't you go back to work? you say all your friends are back at work, what's stopping you doing the same? even 1-2 days a week would make a huge difference to your headspace i think.

    put the kids in daycare and go reclaim some of you back.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    JR03  (01-05-2017)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    265
    Thanks
    135
    Thanked
    133
    Reviews
    0
    You need to get some professional help. Feeling so isolated would be so very difficult for you - but you can't expect a way out without even trying. You can't knock every possible solution, or you'll never find your way out. Professionals are professionals for a reason. You don't have to feel this way. You can't say that antidepressants won't fix the problem, you can't possibly know that...please, seek some professional help as a first step, and take it from there. Your situation will not improve if you don't at least try.

    You can have all the support in the world and still be depressed. I'm sorry you're away from your family and don't have a lot of friends, but neither of those are magic solutions. I'm not even remotely close to my family and could never go to them for support - I've had mental health struggles too, but I went to see a doctor. Family and friends couldn't fix it for me - I had to do it.

    Your partner can say what he likes, your kids can say what they like - this is not about them, this is about you. Your wellbeing is your responsibility. No one is going to come along and make this ok for you, you have to take the step yourself.

    You are genuinely in a very difficult situation - please take some steps to better your life. You deserve that!

  6. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to frankie46 For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (01-05-2017),dani251  (30-04-2017),gingermillie  (30-04-2017),smallpotatoes  (30-04-2017),SSecret Squirrel  (30-04-2017),Tiny Dancer  (01-05-2017),turquoisecoast  (30-04-2017),Wise Enough  (30-04-2017)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    4,596
    Thanks
    3,567
    Thanked
    3,837
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I agree you need to talk to your doctor, at least try therapy or medication.

    If it's talking to people you need try a group messenger. I know it sounds silly but my family have a group conversation going on the messenger ap. mostly just mundane stuff like what's going on each day, but it's also a spot to vent and talk. I've been having terrible days at work before and I've vented to family or friends in a group conversation and I feel so much better.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Wise Enough For This Useful Post:

    Freyamum  (01-05-2017)

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    my house
    Posts
    18,249
    Thanks
    1,444
    Thanked
    7,872
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Were you all in Ireland on holiday or was it just you and the kids?

    Do you not speak to your mum during the week? Skype?

    I think you need to get away by yourself for a few days. Your husband will have to just deal with it.

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,073
    Thanks
    631
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by frankie46 View Post
    You need to get some professional help. Feeling so isolated would be so very difficult for you - but you can't expect a way out without even trying. You can't knock every possible solution, or you'll never find your way out. Professionals are professionals for a reason. You don't have to feel this way. You can't say that antidepressants won't fix the problem, you can't possibly know that...please, seek some professional help as a first step, and take it from there. Your situation will not improve if you don't at least try.

    You can have all the support in the world and still be depressed. I'm sorry you're away from your family and don't have a lot of friends, but neither of those are magic solutions. I'm not even remotely close to my family and could never go to them for support - I've had mental health struggles too, but I went to see a doctor. Family and friends couldn't fix it for me - I had to do it.

    Your partner can say what he likes, your kids can say what they like - this is not about them, this is about you. Your wellbeing is your responsibility. No one is going to come along and make this ok for you, you have to take the step yourself.

    You are genuinely in a very difficult situation - please take some steps to better your life. You deserve that!
    I've seen 3 psychologists. When we start talking I seem fine. I talk through my attempts to talk to dp/ his lack of support and come away feeling like there's nothing wrong with me. Or changes to talking about the kids. Like when dd1 was shaking a knife at me and he was telling me it was nothing to worry about, stop reading all your child dev books she's just being a kid. When the psych heard this she told me to stop talking to him, that it was worrying behaviour. And the thing now that makes me question me needing mental health help is that I didn't feel depressed for one minute with my family who love me and allow me to express my views even when we don't agree.

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,073
    Thanks
    631
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    you say if you could spend time chatting to your mum you'd feel better. what's stopping you from having regular phone/skype catch ups with your mum/family back home?

    i wouldn't really take on board off the cuff comments from a kid either. does a child have the maturity or experience to comment accurately on a situation? no, most likely not.

    you sound like someone who's in crisis and has lost the motivation to believe there's a way out.

    why can't you go back to work? you say all your friends are back at work, what's stopping you doing the same? even 1-2 days a week would make a huge difference to your headspace i think.

    put the kids in daycare and go reclaim some of you back.
    With the time difference it's hard finding a good time to chat that I'm not looking after kids or have dp listening in the background

    I've not worked for 10 years getting a job is not going to be easy. I have a long term plan but involves study.

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    1,073
    Thanks
    631
    Thanked
    358
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Were you all in Ireland on holiday or was it just you and the kids?

    Do you not speak to your mum during the week? Skype?

    I think you need to get away by yourself for a few days. Your husband will have to just deal with it.
    We've just come back from holidays and there would be nowhere for me to go anyway. In 10 years I've never had a night away from kids except to give birth or cancer treatment. I wouldn't leave our 3 year old with him anyway. Just yesterday he was heading back into our house leaving her on steps leading up to the road. And she's a runner. He thinks that's fine she can be left outside alone near the road at not even 3 years old...

  13. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Posts
    7,523
    Thanks
    5,048
    Thanked
    4,586
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    OP serious question, why are you still with this guy?

    i think i would really struggle to stay with a man who was apathetic to one of our children. fair cop if he wasn't thrilled about having another child, but i find it alarming he's never grown to love her, in fact, he sounds as though he simply doesn't care.

    i just couldn't be with a person like that. i wouldn't trust them and their behaviour would erode and love and respect i once held towards them.

    are you really still wanting to me married to this guy? if not, why are you still there?

    i always get the impression from your posts that you're waiting for and expecting some outside force to change your situation. if you're unhappy, and it sounds as though you are, i don't understand why you make excuse after excuse. you need to be making changes here. stop waiting for this guy to come to the party. take charge of your own life. move back to ireland if you have to?

  14. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to turquoisecoast For This Useful Post:

    amyd  (01-05-2017),BettyV  (01-05-2017),delirium  (01-05-2017),Frankenmum  (01-05-2017),frankie46  (01-05-2017),Hopeful37  (01-05-2017),Phony  (01-05-2017),smallpotatoes  (01-05-2017),SSecret Squirrel  (01-05-2017)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Sitting up without support
    By Hasselhoff in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 17-09-2014, 09:38
  2. postnatal depression mothers support group
    By 2xmummy in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 03-01-2013, 15:02
  3. How to beat anxiety and depression without seeing a psychiatrist ?
    By bishvabis in forum Anxiety & Panic Disorders
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 08-11-2011, 11:51
  4. How do other mums get by without support??
    By SophiaGrace in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 11-03-2011, 08:24
  5. postnatal depression mothers support group
    By 2xmummy in forum General depression and blues
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-11-2006, 17:01

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
The Fix Program Sydney CBD and BroadwayPregnancy and women's health physio, pregnancy and new mum Pilates classes taught by our physios for you and bub. ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›