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  1. #1
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    Question BULLYING and CYBERBULLYING advice...

    My 13 year old daughter has a huge problem with a GIRL at school who is bullying her and it appears has a crush on her and doesnt like the fact the feelings are not mutual.

    This girl started off with pretty much stalking my daughter, everywhere she went this girl (who is the same age) was there. They go to the same school and initially last year my daughter befriended her because she is a kind hearted soul and this girl had no friends and didnt really know anyone at the school. It quickly became apparent that there was something not quite right with this girl.

    Some of the things she has done:
    - stealing my daughters underwear on school camp, wearing it, then returning it to her dirty, and thinking this is totally fine!
    -Following my daughter constantly around the school, even when asked to leave her alone, just following 2 steps behind her. Basically refusing to allow my daughter the choice of whether of not to be her friend.
    - badmouthing my daughter to others, making up ridiculous lies and trying to have other girls alienate her but then trying to reclaim the friendship.
    - harassing on facebook and snap chat, getting other people outside of the school to harass and say horrible things online.
    - Writing for my daughter to kill herself on the wall of the girls toilets at school then saying my daughter did it herself for attention
    - Joining any out of school activities my daughter does, lately it is a youth group I tried to send her to to get away from the hell at school caused by this girl.
    - SENT A TOPLESS PHOTO of herself to my daughter on snap-chat!

    All of this has been documented and screen shot, except the topless photo, which was reported to the school immediately and handled discreetly, this girls mother was called in to see the photo and to delete the photo herself off my daughter's ipad. It was the last day of term so there were no consequences at all. Her mother claimed that the girl had her ipad confiscated, but she was back online the next day.

    I have another meeting with the school today because this girl is now making up ridiculous lies about ME, saying I am going to stab her in her sleep if I see her and telling other kids at the school that I am out to get her. (All of which is just absolutely ridiculous and completely untrue, like omg, she is a 13 year old girl who OBVIOUSLY needs psychiatric help)....

    As far as I can see my daughters only crime is befriending her initially and then changing her mind about being this girls friend based on this girls strange behaviour. She went through a phase of just trying to be her friend because it was easier than the aftermath of not being her friend, but the behaviour is escalating.

    I need some advice on where to go from here, the school is rather useless and there really seems to be no consequences for this girl (or help)....

    I have even considered looking at possible legal action and a restraining order because it is getting too much. This has been going on for close to 18 months.

    Any advice would be welcome.

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    SuperGranny  (28-04-2017)

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    wow. !! 18 months, !!. You must be able to get the police involved by this stage. The school is not do anything to help, and it most certainly can not continue. I dont know about restraining orders?? but surely the police will act, and something will be done. At least the girl should be getting some psychiatric help, student guidance officer?? I hope you get some help and quickly. marie.

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    They have recently employed a school counsellor whose response is to start a "victims support group" at lunch times to help raise "victims" self esteem!!! I am completely unimpressed by this because my daughter had no issues with self esteem until this girl turned up!

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    I'd be involving the education department at this point and seeing what pressure they can put on the school to address the issue properly.

    And - to be honest - I would consider moving my child to a different school. It's not right and it's not fair but I need to be able to trust the school that they will care for my kids and at the very least, assure basic safety which it sounds like they're not doing.

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    Could you perhaps ask the school if they will have this girl and her mother in for a serious talk about the situation/behaviour, with you present?

    I would want the mother to know about every nasty thing her daughter has done. I would be telling her you will not tolerate any more of her behaviour, and that the police WILL be getting involved.

    This girl, issues or not, needs some anti-bullying education and counselling. It's not okay to victimise your daughter, or anyone.

    To be honest I would find it difficult to refrain from threatening her myself - I know that's totally wrong, but I would want to get up in her grill and scare the crap out of her.

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    I agree with everything said above.

    I would also consider a new school.

    Before you pull her out of school ask your daughter how she feels about this and if she has a supportive group of friends who think the same of this girl as she does. Changing schools may be worse for your daughter socially if she has a good group of friends. If this girl has no friends and is getting kids outside of the school to cyber bully your daughter maybe your daughter feels strong enough to dismiss these actions, block these other kids and focus on the friends she does have. Im not saying she should put up with it but if she has her friends on her side and she feels confident going to school perhaps its something she can handle. The point is.. bullies will always exist. They exist at 13, at 17 and at 35. The trick is learning how to deal with them. If she needs your help get involved and let her know you are willing to get involved but if she feels confident in handling this and have you be the observer and advisor.. perhaps thats good enough. I remember going through something similar and i confronted a bully with my two best friends behind my back. A support network can make a huge difference to how she feels about all of this.

    Perhaps if your daughter has a strong group of friends she can confront this friendless girl at school one on one and tell her to quit it ? There is power in numbers. Obviously this wont work if she doesnt have the support she needs. I know she is only 13 but she may surprise you.

    If none of this works and she really needs your help id be contacting her mother and telling her that youll be getting the police involved as well as the department of education. If this doesnt work, id make her change schools and block that girl off all social media.

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    Rachel3072  (28-04-2017)

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    I'd move schools - no doubt about it.

    The diplomacy in me would request a meeting with the principal, social worker, other girl & her parents, and then go from there, but in all honesty id tell my daughter to punch the girls lights out.

    It's not your daughters fault, but I don't think that at 13 she should be on social media, and considering what's going on, I'd cancel all accounts.

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    Simil  (28-04-2017)

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    Well I went into the school today, and also sought legal advice from a guy I went to school with, who happens to now be a Senior Sargeant in the police force, and he said we definitely have enough for a restraining order to be granted. It is amazing how suddenly helpful the school became when the next step is legal action!
    They are setting up a behavioural contract, ensuring my daughter is not forced to be in any groups or group work with the problem girl, and also perhaps setting up a round table discussion with her parent, me and both girls plus a school representative, to get to the bottom of WHY this is happening.
    It was quite a positive meeting with the head of the Middle School. Unfortunately it is a small school that has only just extended from primary only to secondary, so there is no option to put them in different classes.
    I dont want to change schools because she has friends at the school and other than this girl, is happy there.

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    This sounds like a positive meeting Rachel!!

    Hopefully things work out. Keep us posted.

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    SuperGranny  (05-05-2017)

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    Default No

    I'm not sure how you can keep up the ongoing dialogue with the girl and her mother via "round tables". I think that is is total Bs and if it were me I would immediately have sought a restraining order after the underwear incident

    That is just sick

    Secondly I would move my daughter if the school was so poor with its handling strategy (which is has been)

    She will make new friends

    It is beyond out of hand.


 

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