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  1. #31
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    My family have never given & I have never asked. Neither has my sibling. It's just an unspoken rule I guess. Once you're working, you support yourself.

    They did contribute to our weddings though.

    Even when we go out for dinner, everyone pays their own way. Even when we order take away at a family dinner!

    I don't quite understand parents financially supporting adults to be honest. But it would be nice to not have to split things like dinners!

    My DHs family is the opposite with their children. Incredibly generous with gifts, items for our home etc. I find it uncomfortable. But it's nice knowing if we ever got into trouble, help is available. They can afford to be generous, my family can't so that does makes a difference.

    I will expect my kids to be self sufficient as adults. Any help we provide will be done unbeknownst to our kids until it happens. I don't want to create an expectation which is what I see in my DHs family.

  2. #32
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    I feel incredibly lucky - my mum and step dad have done so much for us. They paid uni fees for me and my two siblings, paid for our wedding reception (we paid for everything else), we lived with them paying minimal board for a year to save a house deposit (not the most pleasant year but worth it!) and then went guarantor for the rest of the deposit so we didn't have to pay mortgage lenders insurance. We've recently been able to release their guarantor but they have also gifted us $100k to do major renovations to the house that were unexpected. We didn't want to take the money but my mum argued that she would rather see us have the benefits of her hard work now than wait until she's gone, and this way we are set up with everything we need. After some recent family conflict with my siblings they have changed their wills so that everything goes to my two children so they will have financial security too as they own a number of investment properties. I am truly in awe of my mother as she paid off her home as a single mum before she married my step dad without any help from her family, so her generosity comes from knowing what it's like to struggle and wanting to protect us from that.

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    misho  (28-04-2017)

  4. #33
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    My parents started a high interest account for my sister and I when we were kids. By the time I took mine out (for a house deposit) I had around $15k.
    My dad also gave us $13k when he was paid out a package. It was supposed to be to pay for a wedding/honeymoon/whatever else we might prefer. We've kept half of it for our kids.
    We've never asked for any financial assistance, but they have offered to pay for other things at times (like an ambulance bill).

    On the other side of it, we regularly help out MIL financially. She's borrowed thousands of dollars from us over the years, and still owes us most of it.

    I'm fine with it, because I know that's genuinely what my parents most want to do with their money. I'd never take their money if I felt we were taking advantage of them, or that they expected something in return. I think they also feel happy to do it because I moved out as a teenager and have supported myself since, when so many of my friends still lived/live at home well into their 20s.

  5. #34
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    Nothing from my parents. I grew up poor - my parents are divorced and neither are 'well off'. I never asked anything of them - my dad would throw it back in my face and I could not do that to my mum as she has been through too much.

    My IL's did help us out a little. Not by giving us money. But allowing us to stay with them for a year or so after the 2011 floods so we could save for a house deposit. We paid them a small weekly amount for bills/food but were able to purchase our house after a year.

  6. #35
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    My parents paid my rent until my fourth year of uni. DH's dad gave us a lump sum (I think about 4000) when his mother passed away when he was at uni and another lump sum (10000) when we got married. My parents also contributed to our wedding. My parents also gave me a 1000 when I graduated to be put towards an overseas holiday

    After that we've pretty much paid our own way. FIL mentioned that he'd help us buy our first house but when we called to ask him about it, we got a vague, unhelpful response we just went ahead by ourselves.

    I have an easier time accepting my parents help than my FIL's
    But the reality is that we earn significantly more than any of them so I'd feel guilty accepting anymore when we are in a much better financial position that they are

  7. #36
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    Not much. Mum gifted us $2000 for our wedding. She also bought me my first car - which was as old as me and from a mechanic she knew. I think it cost her $300. I was extremely grateful for both gifts. She has also paid for small grocery shops while she has come to visit. I still don't know how she managed to get me to move away at just the right moment so she could do it. She's got the stealthy tricks. My FIL loaned us $1000 once. I can't remember what for. We paid it back within a week.

    Other than that, we've not received any financial assistance. It doesn't bother us. Our parents are not in a position to do so. I would feel guilty if they tried to give us any more. And I always feel guilty on the odd occasion that they shout us something.

  8. #37
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    Nothing from the inlaws as DHs mother is a pensioner / battler like the OPs.

    Parents are always throwing money at me for things..which i never ask for and often reject..and they would sell their home to help me.
    I would do anything to help them
    though so it works both ways!

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  10. #38
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    I've never asked I've always been offered or given or my dad has taken my credit card and put some money into it. I became a solo mum at 16wks pregnant. I had a huge 300k mortgage to contend with and legal bills aswell. I bought my exh out of the property thanks to my sister who loaned me 160k to pay him out (50k) and lower the loan to 180k. House was unrenovated and it's all done now. My dad paid for new kitchen, bathrooms, appliances, he would pay for bills that I didn't have the $ for. Paid for a trip to Borneo & Vanuatu with them, 1 round of ivf (our last), my health ins each year), The list goes on. I'd hate to think that if he couldn't afford it where I'd be financially now. I've always said when it comes to inheritance to give me less then my sister but I know they won't as she has millions upon millions and the odd $40/$50k isn't much to her. I owe her still aswell but only around $50k now as my mum gave her $110k from an inheritance she received from her late mum. Mum did this to shut her up as she was complaining that I owed her money yet she would go out and spend $2k on a pair of Chanel boots !

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    Yogis Mumma  (28-04-2017)

  12. #39
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    Default *Spin off* How much financial help have your parents/IL's given you?

    A lot. A LOT.
    From both sets of parents.

    My parents sole purpose in life was to help their children financially, which they did.

    My ILs are the same, and gave us a HUUUUUGE amount of money as a wedding gift. But for all the hassle and arguments that came with it, I wish they gave me nothing.

    I am grateful, but if I had known that I would have been expected to sign my life over to them, I would never have accepted it.

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    Yogis Mumma  (28-04-2017)

  14. #40
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    My parents have helped lots....but short of them buying things for their grandkids (their choice), and paying for us if we go out for dinner (because it's too expensive for us but they want to take us out...maybe 2 or 3 times a year), it's an interest free loan that we ALWAYS pay back.
    We do our best to stand on our own two feet, and we don't need to borrow money anymore, but it was nice when you had no money for food to have someone have the money there for you and know that you didn't have to pay it back by a certain date, just when you could afford to.
    It's just how things work in our family. I can't imagine telling my kids that once they work they are on their own. It's just not how things are done in my family (unless they're just super lazy and refuse to get a job, or smoke/drink all their money...but no one in my family does that anyway).


 
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