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  1. #1
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    Default Bullying recovery

    I've been on and off bullied for the last 6-12 months during various contact roles in the Public Service

    I'm now in a not for profit permanent role and so so relieved
    I know that I need to defrag and get over the toxic work environments I've been in
    Behaviours were hard to report on but predominantly included:
    -Exclusion, meaning I wasn't invited to key meetings with senior stakeholders necessary to do my job.
    - good work was passed off as other people's, while I was "hidden".
    -Highly hugely critical and controlling personalities that meant any work I put forward was never good enough making me doubt my abilities. (In other roles and orgs my work was highly commended and even awarded so I know it wasn't me or my work).
    - circular loops of approvals so that I couldn't progress work. Then I was questioned as to why I hadn't progressed/ performed well.

    Anyone else had to defrag and refind their confidence after bullying?

    The bullies both had in common these traits:
    that they were insecure, blonde (not really relevant but they were just the same hair colour), women who loved to be in "power" and be the centre of attention, had obviously lots of Botox/fillers, intelligent, articulate, said the right things to the right people, aggressive - but not by yelling mainly passive aggressive and tantrums, needed to know everything and wouldn't trust staff but felt out of the loop in not copied into everything
    ---

    Very disconcerting as I would've liked to believe we were all part of the same team and even a "sisterhood" of support.

    I'm looking for tips from other working mums who have had to overcome bad experiences with workplace bullying and moved forward to flourish, believe in yourself. How did you do this? I'm still reeling to be honest, but I feel as though I've landed on my feet after leaving these workplaces...

  2. #2
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    I realise this is a controversial thing to say, but often women of a certain age in the workplace turn nasty, in particular if they haven't had kids towards those who have.

    I've seen it a few times. I don't know why. It's not everyone. But there is a type.

  3. #3
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    Not sure if this is relevant, but you say the bullying took place over '6-12 months' in 'various contract roles.' How many different contract roles did you have during this time? Could it be possible that most of what happened happened because you were there for short periods of time and temporary and not because anyone was actually trying to be mean to you?

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    Hopeful37  (28-04-2017)

  5. #4
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    I'm not sure how the colour of their hair and their looks ie Botox and fillers, is relevant?

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  7. #5
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    Default Hi

    Hi how they looked shouldn't be relevant I just noticed the similarities. It's irrelevant really as other bosses and colleagues have these traits and they weren't bullies. I suppose it's the attitude- when people aren't comfortable in their own skin they can get mean towards others - and people come in all shapes and sizes.

    I'd not be sure of why it occurred- it was specifically in two workplaces out of five .

    perhaps short term contractors are more of a target.

    I suppose the point is - no one deserves that sort of treatment

    Offices can be worse than high school!!! Except without teachers to help.

    At the end of the day I was there to do a good job get paid and support my kids. I wasn't there to get involved in power games and politics. but it became clear to me that for these others, their work and the importance of their positions and power they could wield was what they lived for. Kind of sick!

    I'm a naturally sunny upbeat personality. I love being open with people. I'm also very attractive I'm told (but who cares - can't help that and also shouldn't matter). But I've realised that sometimes this can be used against you as a target, and your spirit can be crushed by these dominatrix monsters in the workplaces - they thrive.

    When you come out of an abusive situation it can take time to process and heal and that's what I want to do. Make sense moving forward.

    Glad to be able to focus on a happy positive collaborative respectful (permanent) role in my local community now! Woo hoo

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    Did anything come of their bullying? Did you take it further and where they reprimanded for their behaviour?

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    Not saying in any way that bullying is ok. But I also wondered whether it was the very short nature of your stay rather it being deliberately nasty or it being about you being pretty and young.

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  11. #8
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    wow, shocked at some of the responses to the OP's post.

    as someone who was bullied in a role 5-6 years ago, i can totally empathize how it can mess you up.

    OP the only way to move forward is to find a role you like, with supportive colleagues and a non-toxic dysfunctional dynamic. to this day, i find i'm still sensitive about workplace bullying issues. i don't think it's something you easily move forward from.

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    Default Bullying recovery

    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisecoast View Post
    wow, shocked at some of the responses to the OP's post.

    as someone who was bullied in a role 5-6 years ago, i can totally empathize how it can mess you up.

    OP the only way to move forward is to find a role you like, with supportive colleagues and a non-toxic dysfunctional dynamic. to this day, i find i'm still sensitive about workplace bullying issues. i don't think it's something you easily move forward from.
    What's to be shocked about? None of the posts are rude, unless some have been deleted that I didn't see?

    I think asking her about if it's possible it had more to do with the temporary nature of her work rather than people being deliberately mean is completely relevant. Maybe she wasn't included in meetings due to the fact that she was only there temporarily and it was felt by the whole team that it wasn't necessary for her to be in them. Name left off work, can't that be pretty common? I know in my husband's company his name isn't included in a lot of work because he's not the one in charge of the client, he's permanent and not being bullied, that's just the way it is due to him not being more senior.

    She's saying she was in 5 different roles in 6-12 months so I assume that means she wasn't at these places for a very long time at all, surely the very temporary nature of her role could have had something to do with it?

    OP, I'm sorry it still bothers you but if you are now in a permanent role that you love what is the point of dwelling on these incidents?

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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    What's to be shocked about? None of the posts are rude, unless some have been deleted that I didn't see?

    I think asking her about if it's possible it had more to do with the temporary nature of her work rather than people being deliberately mean is completely relevant. Maybe she was included in meetings due to the fact that she was only their temporarily and it was felt by the whole team that it wasn't necessary for her to be in them. Name left off work, can't that be pretty common? I know in my husband's company his name isn't included in a lot of work because he's not the one in charge of the client, he's permanent and not being bullied, that's just the way it is due to him not being more senior or in charge of specific funds.

    She's saying she was in 5 different roles in 6-12 months so I assume that means she wasn't at these places for a very long time at all, surely the very temporary nature of her role could have had something to do with it?

    OP, I'm sorry it still bothers you but if you are now in a permanent role that you love what is the point of dwelling on these incidents?
    I agree with a lot of what you are saying.

    I am not in the same situation but I recently came back from maternity leave after having 12 months off.

    I am left out of group emails, meetings and people do not acknowledge my work or knowledge I have.

    But to be honest I do not think it is intentional on anyone's part. Yes it is annoying missing out on stuff as I do not know but I just let the person/people know. Did you speak to them specifically about it?

    Its like you have a 'normal' and anyone new/different may need time to fit in. So many roles in such little time it may just have been unintended.

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