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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by me+he&she=three View Post
    I'm a bit bewildered by the expectation that a child must share their personal belongings (toys, books or other) with unknown kids. When an adult goes to the shops or park you aren't expected to hand over your smart phone or book (or whatever) to someone nearby if they want a 'go'?! Bit different to if someone comes to visit at home also very different to sharing or taking turns on play equipment at park or pre-school/communal toys.
    I guess, we can see there is a difference between out and about and kids visiting our home, but young children would have difficulty distinguishing why they have to share at home but not out and about. It's just one of those things they'll learn as they get older. I dont know anyone who has a blanket, 'share everything with everyone' rule with their kids.

    As an aside, there are times when adults do share with strangers. We might lend our phone to someone whose battery has run out at the park for instance. To little kids, the need to play with some other kids toy is no less important than an adults need to call for a taxi when stuck. It's all about perspective.

    Learning the differences and the social expectations of ownership is something that takes time. My issue with this article is not the lesson she is trying to teach her son, but her complete lack of empathy for the children involved.

  2. #42
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    What about the notion of sharing food? Eg offering a friend a chip from a chip packet. We were always taught to do this growing up. Now I always find it rude if someone doesn't offer

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    What about the notion of sharing food? Eg offering a friend a chip from a chip packet. We were always taught to do this growing up. Now I always find it rude if someone doesn't offer
    I think this has really changed now with the increase in intolerances and allergies, kids are taught at school not to share food

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  5. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phony View Post
    I agree.

    It's also a good lesson on boundaries and trust.
    He obviously felt uncomfortable, he looked to her for help, she backed him up and taught him to speak up and say no.
    Good job
    this. i think it's important to teach your child that boundaries and feel safe/secure are important.

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    Default Mother says her kids don't have to share - viral post - thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    What about the notion of sharing food? Eg offering a friend a chip from a chip packet. We were always taught to do this growing up. Now I always find it rude if someone doesn't offer
    this was my pet hate in primary school. my mum used to pack us off with chips, kit kats, the latest snack food and the kids whose parents packed boring sh!t like an apple always used to harrass me for my food. i hated sharing it (because i didn't like the person who was asking more than the fact that they were asking!) but always felt rude/bad saying no. at home my mum used to disparage their behaviour and encouraged me to say no. i still felt bad lol

  8. #46
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    This is the reason I cringe when my kids want to take toys with them, DD was usually ok, but DS loves taking toys everywhere, generally he'll leave them in the car.
    At home I'm all for sharing when we have people visit, although DS is told if he has any 'special' toys in the playroom to put them away, I don't know if it's the right thing to do, but I sort of look at it like we never let anyone drink from my coffee cup it's just mine, so if they have a special thing that's just theirs so be it.
    In a public place I would never expect strangers to have to "share" with my child. But I don't think that other kids are rude if they approach my child and want his toy, they're just kids.

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    'Share' is such an ambiguous term. It has little meaning beyond 'child A is playing with a toy. Child B approaches and wants child A's toy. Therefore, child A must give their toy to child B'. I mean, how ridiculous is that?! I am an Early Childhood teacher, we were always taught never to use the word 'share', we would talk about taking turns, or having one each, or finding something else to play with, or waiting until child A is finished. Child A shouldnt be obligated to give up the toy they're playing with just because child B wants it.

    I actually think kids are great at learning that different social environmenta have different rules. Daycare is different to home and home is different to the park. If we invite a child over to play, it would be rude to not let the child play with my kids general toys - but if the child wants the one toy my child is playing with, I wouldnt force my child to give it up. At the park, if my child brings her bike, it's hers, and I wouldnt make her give it to another child. At daycare, they are all 'shared' toys, but we respect each child's play space and right to play with what they have chosen, without it being taken away in the name of 'sharing'.

    I was always taught as a kid that manners and politeness are above all else. Now as an adult, I find boundaries difficult - I feel like I always have to 'be polite' instead of speaking my mind. So I also find it difficult to do that for my kids - but I think showing them that I respect their boundaries is more important than being polite.

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    Adding another thought - kids often feel very powerless in their world. It's very easy for them to feel like they have no voice, and their things (toys) can be taken away from them so easily. It's so easy for a bigger child to push them over and snatch their toy and run away with it (I've seen this happen to all of my kids). I want my kids to know they are not powerless, and that their voice matters.

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  13. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Can I ask how you're doing this? Currently the biggest drama in my household, but it also goes both ways with the 11 month old playing with something nicely and the 3 year old deciding he 'needs it.'
    To be honest, I'm so desperate for my two to have a good relationship I try to avoid moments where they will go head to head.

    My 3.5yo is pretty cluey and good natured. That doesn't mean she doesn't want what DD2 has for the simple fact she has it (& vice versa). But when she is engaging in play & DD2 is likely to mess things up I usually ask her to think of a way DD2 can play too. Should we set up something similar for DD2 over there? Shall we see if DD2 wants to play with x instead? What if DD2 plays with this bit?

    She/we can usually find a way to accommodate DD2. I think of it as developing problem solving skills

    Oh & rule for DD1 wanting to take what DD2 has has always been that she has to find something else DD2 is happy with first.

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    Share her toys with random's at the park - depends on the situation. Sometimes I would encourage it but mostly I wouldnt make her.

    By the same token - we didnt take things to the park that she wasnt prepared to share. We had a "park tea set" that we kept in the car to take which she was prepared to share with anyone who wanted to play with her.

    I do get that parents need to teach their children to share - but I also get that children need to be told 'no' at times as well. That some things are special and belong to someone else who doesnt want to or need to share it.

    Its about balance

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