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  1. #11
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    I agree with her.
    I don't make my children share with others. I do, however, pull them up if another child comes over to play and they won't let them play with anything.

    Futher to that, I don't make them take turns. If they are engaged in something, why should they have to cut it short? Especially given kids generally aren't interested in something until someone else has it.

    I also won't make them adjust their play to include someone else. Dd1, especially, is very specific about how she plays and often likes to do things on her own, and I think that's okay. She can also be sociable and play with others.
    Obviously, deliberate exclusion is different, and is something that I will pull them up on.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I really struggled with finding activities that my girls could do together and felt like I was constantly a referee and both always getting upset/frustrated but now dd2 is 18 months (and dd1 is 4) it is slowly getting better and they play together quite well on occasion- I get dd1 to "teach" dd2, she plays with play dough, dolls etc so much earlier (and in the correct manner) than dd1 ever did! Dd2 no longer just destroys everything lol. The end is in sight. But it's been a rough period!
    We are at the stage of refereeing.

    I *try* and make the common area (lounge) toy sharing. But DD of course wants what DS is holding. And DS wants what DD has etc. DS is encouraged to play with his toys in his room/area. He does that mostly when DD is sleeping or when DH and I are both home. Its exhausting!

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I really struggled with finding activities that my girls could do together and felt like I was constantly a referee and both always getting upset/frustrated but now dd2 is 18 months (and dd1 is 4) it is slowly getting better and they play together quite well on occasion- I get dd1 to "teach" dd2, she plays with play dough, dolls etc so much earlier (and in the correct manner) than dd1 ever did! Dd2 no longer just destroys everything lol. The end is in sight. But it's been a rough period!
    I feel like a referee too! I'm trying to avoid them going head to head but it's not easy. Thanks for the glimmer of hope

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  6. #14
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    I don't know anyone who expects kids to share personal toys with strangers?

    Yes share the swings. Share the digger in the sand pit. But toys in public with strangers? That's not a thing!!

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  8. #15
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    How do teach them though it's ok not to share with kids on the playground but you have to share with friends? How do you draw that line?

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I don't know anyone who expects kids to share personal toys with strangers?

    Yes share the swings. Share the digger in the sand pit. But toys in public with strangers? That's not a thing!!
    This! I would never make my kids share toys that they take out in public and don't know anyone who would expect this at all.

    With regards to play with friends, I ask my kids to put away any toys they don't want to share in their room before friends come over. Anything left out needs to be shared.

    When it's just my two at home, if they don't want their sibling to play with their toy then that's okay but it needs to be put away in their room. If it's left out in the common areas then the sibling can have a go and then it gets put away to save issues for next time!

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  11. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    I don't know anyone who expects kids to share personal toys with strangers?

    Yes share the swings. Share the digger in the sand pit. But toys in public with strangers? That's not a thing!!
    There was a thread on here a while ago where people were saying that if you take toys to a park, expect them to be communal.

    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    How do teach them though it's ok not to share with kids on the playground but you have to share with friends? How do you draw that line?
    I don't make them share with friends if it's something they're playing with or something they consider special. However, we have plenty of toys at home and I do expect them to share most things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeful37 View Post
    How do teach them though it's ok not to share with kids on the playground but you have to share with friends? How do you draw that line?
    Hi, I read a great book that proposed "turns" rather than sharing with friends/siblings. When a child has something, they are having their turn. If another kid wants it, they let the child know they would like a turn when they are finished. The child originally with the toy then is allowed to decide when their turn is finished. That might be 2 minutes or an hour later. The onus is on the asking child to wait, with the knowledge that they can have as long a turn as they choose when it's their turn. With little kids, they need a lot of help waiting so that part needs adult assistance. The other child needs reminding that the second kid is waiting nicely for their turn to finish.

    the child who had the toy originally is then almost always happy to hand the toy over because they have decided they are done with it. They also genuinely want the other child to enjoy their turn instead of the sulking that occurs from forced sharing. They also understand that the second child now has that toy for as long as they choose. It took a few goes with my 7 year old and 2 year old but they get it now. We have amended the rules a bit- when visitors are over, we can't have "long" turns, they have to have shorter turns that fit within the visit. And there are a few very special things (comforters) that never have to be shared. But it works! my 2.5 year old can often be heard saying "Sullys turn please" and then waiting nicely which honestly is a miracle in comparison to the hair tearing yelling referring we were doing a few months back.

    so anyway with strangers I would just tell them to say the child is still having their turn for the whole time.
    Last edited by Lilahh; 27-04-2017 at 10:14.

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    I don't make my kids share our personal belongings with strangers.
    Recently we were at the park for a social get together and a friend with younger children had her kids share toys with some strangers kids in the playground. At the end of the day the other mother insisted that they were her children's toys and threatened violence on my friend. It was so bizarre, but evidently my friend's kids lost their toys that day.
    The kid in the article took toys to play with his friend, he doesn't have to open up his game to every other child in the park. I don't open up my table at a restaurant to everyone around me when I want to talk to my friends...we all sit at our respective tables and don't force our way in to someone's elses social time...why do we expect kids to be different?
    Last edited by Full House; 27-04-2017 at 12:06.

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    I don't know anyone who expects kids to share personal toys with strangers?

    Yes share the swings. Share the digger in the sand pit. But toys in public with strangers? That's not a thing!!

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