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  1. #11
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    Thanks so much Julie

  2. #12
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    Ah you poor luv. I've been there too, and I refuse to do controlled crying, absolutely refuse but my goodness isn't that what EVERYONE (in real life) seems to tell you to do! That or a variation thereof. Eventually when my son was 22 months old I got a sleep consultant who supported my 'no controlled crying' stance. She stayed at our place for four nights. The first two nights she took care of my DS and worked out what did and didn't work for him and started him on a resettling routine. On night three she taught me and night four she taught DH. So in four days I got three nights of relaxed sleep - it was heaven. We kept up with her advice and DS sleeps through now.

    So good on you for seeking help now, I should have done it sooner.

    I would try another consultant if you can, one who will support your parenting choices and also give you a much needed break.

    I also agree with the previous poster about persevering with daycare if you can and avoiding stress inducing in laws. Good luck! This caper is HARD.

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    champagneandchocolate  (26-04-2017)

  4. #13
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    I have been exactly there with my DS. I completely understand how you are feeling. If it helps: DS is still not great with sleep - but he is loads better. Before we had DD he was even sleeping through (though waking early) about 50-75% of the time (I honestly can't remember now how often it was, I am so tired with DD waking and DS started waking again after she was born). My DS was like @Barnaby's DS. Changing things didn't make him sleep better. His improvements came in his own time, and he even told me when he wanted to go to sleep on his own in his cot without me touching him. We've gone backwards somewhat - we now lie in bed with him til he falls asleep, but that is what he currently needs. We used to go for long walks with him in the carrier at 9 months. And at night, it was literally do what I could to just survive and get through.

    It is hard though, when you constantly have people telling you to sleep train, and you know it isn't right for you or bub. This may not be allowed - if it isn't, sorry mods, please delete! - but if you're on FB, look up Grubby Mummy and the Grubby Bubbies. She has a blog, and would like to move beyond sleep training. She has loads of advice, understanding and support.

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    champagneandchocolate  (26-04-2017)

  6. #14
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    Sleep deprivation can be so hard, try and hang in there, it gets better, eventually!

    I can totally relate to not wanting to do controlled crying, I was pushed to the brink with sleep deprivation but looking back now, I'm very glad I didn't do it.

    You could try and find a sleep consultant in your area who does more gentle sleep training? I'm not sure how well they work but worth a try.

    Could hubby gave over for a few hours or even a day on the weekend to give you a break? Even just a few hours of alone time and rest, can make everything seem better.

    My only other advice with crap sleepers, is go to sleep at night when they do. Don't try and stay up and do chores, try and go to bed early, at least a few nights a week.

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    champagneandchocolate  (26-04-2017)

  8. #15
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    Oh you poor, poor thing - just know I can 100% relate (I could have written your post when DD was that age), and it WILL get better!

    I remember that stage of having nothing in your life except dealing with these sleep issues. A massive pat on the back to you for getting help for your anxiety, that's a really great step to have taken!

    My DD (now 4.5) was just like your DS - and by the sounds of it I was just like you! I tried everything, including controlled crying but I couldn't do it. Not even the chronic sleep deprivation could make me do it. At about 12 months, she started to improve. Walking around and being more active wore her out a bit more and made some difference, but she was also getting older and the separation anxiety was easing. Her cry definitely changed - it wasn't so much of a distressed wail as it was a protesting whinge Slowly I rocked less and less, remained very calm and constantly assured her, "it's sleep time now darling, go to sleep", again and again each time I came in. So it was controlled crying in a way I guess, but doing it with a 12 month old is quite different! She was definitely old enough to start getting the hang of it, and once I could tell she wasn't distressed, just protesting, it changed my confidence immensely. By 14 months she was sleeping through and I kid you not, we have had zero sleep issues ever since.

    I honestly don't think there's anything I could have done before that. She just needed me in order to sleep. That's just how she was. For a solid 12 months I had nothing in my life, no breaks, no DVD watching, nothing - trust me I wanted to run away so many times! And I was on my own too. You're lucky to have a partner so definitely use him as much as you can. This WILL get better and get easier, I promise you there are so many others like you who are going through the same thing. It sounds to me you are doing all the right things!

    As far as daycare, I'm not sure what advice to offer there. I kept DD out until she was 2.5. By that age the colds and bugs are a bit easier to manage. I can't imagine going through everything I went through, all on my own and having illness to deal with too. I did have my mum to occasionally help out though, so that's how I got my breaks.

    I'm not sure my post has helped, but just wanted to share my experience. Absolutely nothing negative from me, our babies absolutely drain us and it is phenomenally hard! Hang in there, as others have said this WILL get better!!!

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    champagneandchocolate  (26-04-2017)

  10. #16
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    I don't have any solid advice to offer but wanted to let you know that you're not alone and many parents go through this (myself included...). It does get better, your baby will learn how to sleep eventually. I understand not wanting to go down the daycare route but maybe a babysitter / nanny for 2 x half days a week might help.

  11. #17
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    Probably not helpful, but I would have been over the moon with the schedule you have described with any 4 of my kids!! 3 hours sleep during the day was unheard-of in my house.
    I would use any method to get my kids to sleep....pram, co-sleeping.
    Whatever works. I cannot do controlled crying/comforting whatever you want to call it.
    When I had my fourth people would comment that I knew what I was doing. Haha 😂😂😂😂. Actually took me till then to realise that no one knows what they are doing and every child and situation is different.
    It will get better. My 3yo still wakes at least once a night and I'm 26 weeks pregnant with number 5!!!!
    Hoping for that magical mystical baby that sleeps through at 6 weeks.

    Good luck☺

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    SuperGranny  (28-04-2017)

  13. #18
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    It's pretty normal. I refuse controlled crying too but luckily my girl is a snuggler and a boobie fiend so we cosleep and it gets me through. You will survive, I promise.

    Maybe try making some new sleep associations? His current one is the pram so maybe add a certain teddy or similar to every sleep trip in the pram so he starts to associate it with sleep so the transition away from the pram isn't jarring. After a while you can then get him almost asleep in the pram then move him with sleepy teddy to his cot. It'll take time but at this point anything will.

    I find white noise works well with DD too as I use it personally for sleep anyway so I've recently bought her a Lulla Doll and am currently trying to work it into her nap time (her current comfort item is me! Lol!). The sounds it makes are creepy at first but they sure do help you sleep after a bit.

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    champagneandchocolate  (26-04-2017)

  15. #19
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    Meant to also suggest maybe DH can start doing the bedtime routine with him? Stick to a schedule; dinner, bath, story then bed or similar. Might give you a chance to unwind at the end of the day.

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    champagneandchocolate  (26-04-2017)

  17. #20
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    More awesome advice, I knew hub hub/wise Mums would be better than my $200 an hour Psychologist. Thanks so much


 

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