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  1. #1
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    Default My lonely only - any advice

    I have a beautiful DD who is almost 4. For many many reasons, she will be an only child.

    She is a happy, outgoing child who gets on well with other kids. She is in daycare 5 days a week, we do swimming and gymnastics. We live a long way from family, but when we see them she has 8 cousins that she loves. I am also lucky to have found a very active mothers group who we catch up with quite regularly. We also travel a fair bit and do lots of activities such as camping.

    Despite all of these opportunities to play with other kids and make friends, she often complains that she is lonely and wants a sister. I know that this is probably to be expected at her age, but it breaks my heart that she won't ever have a sibling.

    We have considered a pet, but I'm not much of a pet person and with our busy schedules and travel I'm not sure we would be good pet owners.

    Any thoughts on helping her feel less lonely, or at least making me feel less guilty?

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    No advice here at the moment.

    We're similar, but DD is a year younger than yours; and it's extremely likely she too will be an only child. In our house though, it's DH that's not a pet person in the slightest. DD hasn't yet started asking for siblings directly (although this morning when I asked her how many Weet Bix she wanted for breakfast, she said she wanted one for her brother and one for her sister), but it could well come when she gets older, and I'm not sure how to react when or if she does.

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    Could you organise play dates?

    What does she do at home after daycare?

    The fact that she says she's lonely is hurtful, have you asked why, why she's feeling that way? What triggers it?

    Don't feel guilty...

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    No advice but I want to just say that I have 2 older brothers and wanted a sister at that age.

    I personally went through phases of wanting a sister.

    I would not get a pet unless she specifically wants a pet though.

    Hugs. Its hard.

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    Mod-DJ Nette  (25-04-2017)

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    Default My lonely only - any advice

    I am an only child and went through this lonely phase a fair bit on and off in my life....usually when i had friend drama..I always felt like kids with brothers and sisters always had friends no matter what.. even when their friends were unavailable or angry with them... they had their brothers and sisters.

    The best advice i can give you is put her through as many activities that give her opportunities to make friends as possible.. as she ages friendships will form and break.. if she only has a handful she will take the breaks harder then if she has many different groups of friends.
    Only children think that other kids always have best friends because of their sibling advantage even tho not everyone is besties with their sister/ brother especially post childhood.

    Tell her that youll always be her best friend no matter what.

    The good news is that Ive grown up to be an extremely independent adult and i am rarely bored. Others often comment that I keep relationships with people due to enjoyment rather then because i need people. Now as an adult, i no longer feel lonely..and have healthy relationships.

    Another perk (and this is just my observation), most only children Ive met including myself have very close bonds with their parents. In comparison to my DH who has 4 siblings and a mother, i see my parents more then he sees all of his siblings and mother combined. I text with my mum daily.
    Last edited by Simil; 25-04-2017 at 12:55.

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  10. #6
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    I definitely think it's an age thing. DS who is now 5.5 went through asking for a sister around age 4. He seems more content with friends now though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mod-Zeddie View Post
    I definitely think it's an age thing. DS who is now 5.5 went through asking for a sister around age 4. He seems more content with friends now though.
    Mine was the same, once he started school he hasn't mentioned wanting a brother again

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    I wouldn't feel too bad if I were you! I too have a 4yr old only DD. Luckily she loves being an only child and doesn't want brothers or sisters, but I'm sure there will be times over the course of her life when she does. I don't think at four though, they can really fully comprehend what it is they're asking for - be it more siblings or less.

    And you know, siblings don't guarantee happiness! I had a brother and a sister growing up and I definitely wished things were different over the course of my childhood! She is super lucky to have so many cousins and that you socialise with her so much. Mothers group, daycare, this is all so great for her! And when she starts school she'll make even more friends and start to form solid, lasting relationships.

    That last year before they start school is SO tough. They are yearning for more stimulation. My DD was quite unsettled for a lot of last year (she was in 3 days of daycare), since starting school this year she is just too busy and stimulated to be too worried about anything!

    Maybe if she starts mentioning siblings, say how lucky she is to have her cousins. That cousins are like siblings you don't have to share space or compromise with and that if she had a sibling she'd have to share you!!!

    Good luck, your DD is very lucky xx

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    Default My lonely only - any advice

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    My DD has certainly been through those phases. 3-5 or so especially she desperately wanted a sister.

    She is now 11 and has settled comfortably into being an only child. Sees a lot of benefits in fact

    Its very hard though. I still feel pangs of guilt on a regular basis that she will never have a brother or sister to share things with.

    She has lots of friends, lots of play dates ... she also has a way of meeting new people and getting involved as she has always had to. never had a sibling to play with so is happy to integrate into other groups when we are out.

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