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  1. #1
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    Default Missed Miscarriage story (I just need to share)

    I just need to write/share my story somewhere. I don't think I need advice I just need it off my chest. I'm sorry in advance that this is long. I'm sorry in advance for TMI.

    We were surprised to find we actually fell pregnant again. Reasonably naturally too - I was only taking metformin due to it's anecdotal help for PCOS fertility. I don't cycle very often having only had 8 periods since my DD 3.5yrs ago. But we did it!! The dating scan on 8th March put us at 6w5d. In the right place with a heartbeat of 116. I never had many symptoms - a bit of nausea, no vomiting though and extreme exhaustion/tiredness.

    I did everything right. I unfortunately work in a higher risk workplace. I had to share with work much earlier than I'd want but they start asking questions when you suddenly can't perform your duties assisting with taking xrays or requiring to wear a vaporiser mask during anaesthetics.

    Symptoms never changed - some days the nausea would be worse than others but never very bad. In fact I was feeling good. I was coping with day-to-day really well and DH & I were so excited that DD was getting the opportunity to become a big sister.

    The Monday before Easter I had the smallest amount of brown discharge when I wiped after toileting. I was due to be 12wks on Good Friday and had my 12wk scan booked for the Tuesday after Easter due to work commitments on the Wed/Thurs. These work commitments were a specialist using our practice and as senior support staff I had a major role in orchestrating the smooth running of these days. I knew my mind wouldn't be at rest unless I tried to get checked out sooner rather than after Easter.

    The brown discharge did not get worse during the Monday and only had a little again when wiping a couple of times. My mind told me it could have just been an old bleed breaking through and nothing at all. I had no pain, no cramps, no red blood, no sore back, no nothing. I was able to get my 12wk scan brought forward to the next day (Tuesday before Easter). The scan found my baby had stopped progressing at 7w6d.

    Almost 4 weeks I had no idea something was wrong. Almost 4 weeks of continual symptoms (although not major but every pregnancy's different, right and I never had many symptoms with DD either). Almost 4 weeks of excitement and dreams of the future. I had no worries, no stress.

    I chose to have a D&C to help with moving forward. This occurred on the Thursday before Easter. Surgery went smoothly with no pain or discomfort and no issues. Easter was spent in our own bubble. We don't have friends except online. We shared our story and goodbyes on facebook and received the usual level of online support from our loved ones. I asked work to make it known and that I didn't want to discuss at work - the only way to keep any level of professionalism is to not be crying while trying to do my job.

    I thought I was doing OK. Managing day-to-day without crying. Enjoying spending time with DH and having fun with DD even if we were all in a bit of a fog. I went back to work yesterday. I cried almost all day. Work did as I asked no-one discussed my loss. I was just so over-whelming sad. I got in and worked the best I could to keep busy - I did xrays again, I did anaesthetics again, I was even the chemo dog's primary nurse again. They all shared their experiences with the specialist that I wasn't there for them for. I felt guilty I couldn't follow though on my obligation to the team that week.

    I think I've worked out that I'm feeling a bit lonely in all this. With no pain and no mess during the whole experience I feel that this whole pregnancy wasn't real. I feel that physically I haven't suffered and I'm not allowed to be happy. DH is great but he's also going through this too. The dreams we had for full-filling our family has been taken from us.

    Thank you for reading.

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    Phony  (20-04-2017)

  3. #2
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    I'm so sorry you've had to experience this. Tread lightly and be kind to one another, you are understandably upset and that's ok.

    While I've never miscarried I have had a late loss and I found SANDS to be incredibly helpful. They offer online/phone support by others who have experienced pregnancy loss. They also have lots of great resources on their site.

  4. #3
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    Im so sorry to hear. I am going through this too at the moment and had no idea there was anything wrong either. Just know that however you are feeling is okay. Take time to grieve for what could have been. Cry it out. The tears can really help. You did nothing wrong and there is nothing you could have done differently to prevent it. As hard as it is, it just happens sometimes and you are not alone. You'll get through this.

  5. #4
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    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss! Everyone handles these situations so differently, there's no right or wrong way. Just know, it's ok to cry, mourn your loss and need time for yourself. I had a missed miscarriage in November last year, it followed multiple miscarriages that I've always been able to 'handle/process' (can't find the right word here) but the missed m/c really threw me and to be honest, I still think about it often.


 

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