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  1. #1
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    Default So Angry, Too much money spent on things we don't need

    My DH has been accepted back after leaving us high and dry. Pregnant with a 3 yo. But still wants to spend money like a single man.

    Having been on single parent for 4 years, struggling with a debilitating back problem, DS has ADHD, High Anxiety, OCD at age 6, DD age 3

    I left him under the proviso i would be paid back a little over $4,000. No child support at all was ever paid. I got $20 and everything I owned coming into the relationship.

    He has worked jobs earning him unbelieveavle amounts of money and instead of paying us he ****ed it up against a wall. Drugs, Alchole, Take away food, Traveled around living in all parts of Australia ect

    But, Now were back together he still wants to buy excessive take away, just go buy more clothes, get tattoos fixed up, spend all "his" tax on what he wants. When I scrimp and go without too much to make sure everything's paid. We should be buying a car so he can return to work.

    He is in over $40,000 debt with fines, doesn't pay back more then the government deducts. Borrowed over $10,000 from his Mum with little to no intention of paying it back. Cons his step dad into giving him vehicles.

    He hasn't earnt much of anything, can fit all his belongings in 2 duffle bags with nothing else to show. No qualifications, aspirations etc

    I want to build a house, but fear it will never happen. Want the debt owed to me to pay the debt not go buy myself luxury items.

    He has no responsibility for money, or sense of ownership. I would fix my car with duct tape if I had to because I need it to get to appointments ect.

    I feel just because I have splurged a little in the last 2 months buying the kids some plush toys that he is unfairly saying I am the one with a money problem ( The new toys don't get put down, are played with every day for hours, continually thanked by the kids as they do not get toys like this unless it's christmas or birthdays)

    My question is, even though we're partnered, should he help pay off the debt still? (Bank, My parents totalling $4,000)

  2. #2
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    My question is, why on earth did you take him back?

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  4. #3
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    It's his worst attribute. He can be a great parent, fun person, Even when we broken up I still loved him. Just couldn't deal with drugs or alcohol anymore.
    He had drug problems so his abilities were impaired, and knowing him off drugs he is a good person.

    Just realised today how little he has achieved for himself. But my family was all about qualifications, charity etc. His just let him do what he wanted and he ended up doing drugs from a young age which impaired his judgement.

    Trying to get him into an apprenticeship. which was taken as good advice.

  5. #4
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    Family will be paid back, just know it will take 3 years to get $2,000 if i didn't push to get it over and done with

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    i'm not sure what you want from us? he's proven time and again he's a hopeless good for nothing loser so why are you taking him back?

    this guy is useless and he'll take you down with him.

  7. #6
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    I want to know how to motivate him, to show him that when your coupled you work together with the finances. And that me paying bills doesn't count as me spending money.

  8. #7
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    I've got to be honest, I agree with CazHazKidz.

    He's not going to help pay the debt, no matter whether you think he should or not. He's already proven to you how selfish he is. A good person and a good parent? Who won't pay maintenance for his children and spends his money on drugs and alcohol instead?

    Look, I've been in a marriage with a very similar type of person. They don't change. He has shown you that both in and out of your relationship. His upbringing is no excuse, he is a grown man with a family.

    Honestly, you pretty much need to accept that if you stay with him, the debts won't get repaid and he will spend the money on himself.

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  10. #8
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    He and I can work, but I don't want to just work, I want to get ahead and thrive.
    We have the opportunity to travel and buy a house. Which are things he wants too. But he itches to spend. How do I get through to him rewards can be gained in the long run

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    It sounds like there are a lot of issues at play and you would benefit from some professional assistance. Have you considered counselling both as a couple and individually?

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  13. #10
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    If the proviso was he paid you back 4k and he not only didn't but didn't pay any CS why did you get back with him? I get you saying he's a great father.... but is he? A good father provides for his family, he doesn't blow all the family's money. A good father pays child support no matter how much him and his ex may hate each other. Bc the money is for his kids, not her.

    It sounds like he hasn't changed a single thing since you left. I get the behaviour of addiction I've had a couple of people close to me with addictions so I get it. But at some point he has to stop being self absorbed, bite the bullet and man up. Has he sought treatment for his addictions?

    As to should he pay it back? Hell yes. I'm trying to word this nicely, as you sound like you really love him. But to this point you've really given him no consequences for his actions. Give him some or he will keep doing this - human behaviour is such that we do everything for a pay off. He won't change until he knows you and everyone else won't put up with it. Not saying it's your fault he is like this. It isn't. But the fact you've allowed him back sends him powerful messages that he can just do whatever he pleases.

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