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  1. #31
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    I do the buying and they pick from that. Never had an issue.
    Occasionally my DSD (11) asks to pick something to buy but it's never been something I'd deem inappropriate. If it was I would just outright say "hmm I could see your bum if you wore that. Not sure you want me and dad seeing your bum?"
    She doesn't understand the short shorts/skirts and crop top things

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    Quote Originally Posted by witherwings View Post
    I wasn't actually thinking about adults here, I was thinking about teenage boys (or girls). I didn't mention pedophiles. I definitely think I need to consider why It bothers me that children who haven't even reached puberty yet are wanting to express themselves in this way, and whether it is sexual or not..
    I think I get your point that seeing tween/teen girls dressing in a revealing/provocative/sexy manner is disturbing because of their age? And I agree. I think the problem is probably that fashion doesn't have age limits so if they are trying to dress to the trend, there is a chance that it's inappropriate for their age. If an 18yo willingly chooses to dress provocatively ok - but a 13yo doesn't have the same understanding of what they are doing.

    By no means am I victim blaming, I'm just assuming that a young teen doesn't understand the complexity of dressing in a revealing manner.

    It's a tough one though, as there is a feminist inside me that says we should be able to do whatever we want without it sending some sort of message. But I think society has a very long way to go before that changes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    Can I please ask what you would all do if your child was choosing to wear clothes that did not suit their body type?
    This is not a situation i have been in, but I am just interested what people would do if you as a parent can see that the clothing your child has chosen does not suit them, would you tell them so? I think this would be a really tricky situation.
    I'm not sure I will have this problem with my kids because they are all boys and have their father's genes, which means tall, athletic/muscular, and I think pretty much anything suits that body type.

    But as a teenager, I remember being very self conscious when I came to my body and whenever my parents made a comment about ANYTHING to do with what I was wearing or how I looked, I felt absolutely mortified. As a teenager, I remember blissful ignorance was the best thing for my confidence. And I was comfortable and that was what mattered.

    If I had a daughter and she wore things that didn't suit her body, I'm not sure I would say anything about it. I might suggest taking her shopping from time to time and helping her choose things she likes and then sort of subtly tying to sway her opinion toward something that I thought suited her. It's a really hard position to be in.

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  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by YeahYeahYeah View Post
    I think I get your point that seeing tween/teen girls dressing in a revealing/provocative/sexy manner is disturbing because of their age? And I agree. I think the problem is probably that fashion doesn't have age limits so if they are trying to dress to the trend, there is a chance that it's inappropriate for their age. If an 18yo willingly chooses to dress provocatively ok - but a 13yo doesn't have the same understanding of what they are doing.

    By no means am I victim blaming, I'm just assuming that a young teen doesn't understand the complexity of dressing in a revealing manner.

    It's a tough one though, as there is a feminist inside me that says we should be able to do whatever we want without it sending some sort of message. But I think society has a very long way to go before that changes.
    Yes this is the sort of thing I'm trying to articulate but it's hard. I'm not even sure what I really think, I just know how it makes me feel - not that it matters to anyone else what my feelings are. I just want kids to be kids. Why do they have to grow up so fast?

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    Quote Originally Posted by CazHazKidz View Post
    Can I please ask what you would all do if your child was choosing to wear clothes that did not suit their body type?
    This is not a situation i have been in, but I am just interested what people would do if you as a parent can see that the clothing your child has chosen does not suit them, would you tell them so? I think this would be a really tricky situation.
    I think it's a skill we should be teaching our children. As I said earlier my mum somehow managed to encourage me to dress for my body type as a teenager without seeming judgey, only encouraging. I still felt that I fit in with my friends but I didn't look silly. I feel this has helped me as an adult accept my body for what it is and control the things I can (clothes) and not wish for things I can't control (like being taller, or longer legs).
    It's about encouraging the child to accept themselves as they are and it is a difficult line to tread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rosey82 View Post
    I think it's a skill we should be teaching our children. As I said earlier my mum somehow managed to encourage me to dress for my body type as a teenager without seeming judgey, only encouraging. I still felt that I fit in with my friends but I didn't look silly. I feel this has helped me as an adult accept my body for what it is and control the things I can (clothes) and not wish for things I can't control (like being taller, or longer legs).
    It's about encouraging the child to accept themselves as they are and it is a difficult line to tread.
    Yes, I feel like I really needed someone in my life who did what your mum did for you. I really hope I am able to do this for my children even though i'm unable to do it for myself. I might need to enlist some help, haha

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    I'm too busy having to "help" DH choose something decent to wear to want to take it on with my daughter (once she's old enough to want to choose clothes herself)

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    My DD (11) likes short shorts - which she wears constantly ...

    the only time I ever tell her "you cant wear that" is when she wants to wear shorts/leggings, a tshirt and birkenstocks out to dinner at a nice restaurant.

    (we go out fairly often with FIL so this happens on a semi regular basis)

    I do at those times insist that she wear something appropriate for the occasion (so no shorts and t-shirt) ... but she can choose dress/skirt/nice top etc as she chooses.

    I dont insist on jumper/shoes etc for the weather - she is perfectly capable of deciding if she is hot or cold (but I dont have a lot of sympathy if I say "maybe bring a jumper" and she doesnt, and then gets cold )

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    In a nutshell. NO I dont let them wear whatever they want.
    I dont understand in this society HOW modesty seems to have become a dirty word.
    I expect my girls to dress with respect for themselves and for those around them.
    Maybe it is just me.
    I also have a son who is 14 and I dont allow the ridiculous baggy jeans half way down the butt (although that trend seems to be "out" thank goodness). I expect him to be showered and clean, which, for those of you with teenage boys will realise that is actually a 'thing".
    Respect from others begins with self respect.
    I suppose many may disagree, but that is the rule in my family.

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    I shudder at the idea that people aren't showing 'self respect' if they're wearing skimpy clothing. EVERYONE is deserving of respect, no matter what they are or are not wearing. It just smacks of rape-justification and victim blaming to me. (Again, this is from someone who's spent the last 6 years working with teenagers and who has been privy to far too many teenage conversations where kids genuinely think that a girl doesn't deserve respect due to the way she's dressed.)

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