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  1. #31
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    Given women statistically do the lion's share of everything, working or at home I think we all do 24/7. I work at home 9 to 5 cleaning after a toddler and doing stuff for the business. You work out if the home. We both after 5 then work our arses off in the evening. This isn't a SAHM vs working mum thing. But I do believe that generally most men are more willing to contribute around the house with a working wife

  2. #32
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    Thanks for a huge response, your ideas are appreciated. I did expect to get a varied response which has occurred. I don't understand the comments that my wife works 24/7 and I only do 12 hour shifts, my day doesn't end when I get home but it seems to be the common theme as if I go home and put my feet up. I also have my eldest during the night and of course I am with the family all day Sunday when I'm not doing book work or other household chores like mowing the lawn etc.. that comment seems a bit one sided and to be honest exaggerated. My wife isn't constantly washing or cooking, quite often she is playing with one child while another is asleep, visiting friends or family, taking the boys to the park etc. She also sleeps although not much! I am not for one second suggesting that her role at home is easy, it's bloody hard but it's important to put it in perspective.The question was what is reasonable, so thanks for those who gave suggestions. It has helped. Our main problem is we are both tired, I am home for a few hours a night and Sundays only which leaves me very time poor, no us time, and both of us very stressed. We hardly see each other and when we do we are bathing kids, trying to get them to bed, cooking dinner and crashing out! I know we are not the only ones and we won't be the last so thanks for sharing your experiences.

  3. The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Andrewp For This Useful Post:

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  4. #33
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    We have a 3.5 year old. My hubby is up at 5am and home at 6pm Monday to Friday. He also then goes back out 8pm-9.30pm 4 nights a week. I do any night wakings during the week. He gets up night and morning on the weekends. She generally doesn't wake overnight and gets up at 8/8.30am.
    When we have a newborn he does until midnight and then sleeps in the lounge so he doesn't get woken/doesn't wake us. He does wakings t the weekend.
    When #2 arrives he is taking 6 weeks leave to take full care of DD.

  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andrewp View Post
    Thanks for a huge response, your ideas are appreciated. I did expect to get a varied response which has occurred. I don't understand the comments that my wife works 24/7 and I only do 12 hour shifts, my day doesn't end when I get home but it seems to be the common theme as if I go home and put my feet up. I also have my eldest during the night and of course I am with the family all day Sunday when I'm not doing book work or other household chores like mowing the lawn etc.. that comment seems a bit one sided and to be honest exaggerated. My wife isn't constantly washing or cooking, quite often she is playing with one child while another is asleep, visiting friends or family, taking the boys to the park etc. She also sleeps although not much! I am not for one second suggesting that her role at home is easy, it's bloody hard but it's important to put it in perspective.The question was what is reasonable, so thanks for those who gave suggestions. It has helped. Our main problem is we are both tired, I am home for a few hours a night and Sundays only which leaves me very time poor, no us time, and both of us very stressed. We hardly see each other and when we do we are bathing kids, trying to get them to bed, cooking dinner and crashing out! I know we are not the only ones and we won't be the last so thanks for sharing your experiences.
    Thanks for your reply. Being in the same situation I can tell you on 4-5 hours of broken sleep a night, even "playing with one child while the other sleeps" or "going to the park" is a chore. Yesterday I was in tears because all I wanted was 10 minutes to myself, but the baby woke up just when the toddler was going for a nap, so nope, no break for me. Rinse and repeat all day all night.
    The hours my DH takes the kids are golden. I can do whatever I want and don't have to be "in charge" of anybody. I'm a better mother and wife when I get a rest.
    Yes I get it as soon as you get home it's into the dinner/bath/bed routine and it feels like you never get to connect as adults. It sucks.
    Please figure out a way you can both have a rest on a Sunday, you both deserve it.
    Also how about you book the little one into daycare 1 day a week? If cost is an issue you could do both kids 1 day instead of the big one 2 days and the cost would be the same?
    Then your wife gets a break and you can have a rest on Sundays. Could that work?

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  7. #35
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    Playing with a child, going to the park... it's still not anything she's doing for her. She needs me time. As do you.

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  9. #36
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    Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and you both need some small bouts of down time. Just some ideas:

    Maybe look at an au pair or mothers help one afternoon a week? She could help your wife with bathing or cooking or let you and her have some time together.

    Could you hire someone to do the open or close of your shop 1-2 days a week? Part time work is always so sought after! Then you could have an evening or morning at home with your family.

    No one sleeps in and accepts that's a thing of the past - you have small children it's just not gunna happen!

    I am awed that you have been doing this for 3 years with no holiday. I am awed that your wife has done mornings/all day/evenings/bathtimes alone since your first was born. That.is.amazing- to you both!

    Make some time to spend together and maybe you will both talk and relax and find the sleep in idea irrelevant. The resentment will hopefully go away, my biggest concern wouldn't be about picking who deserves the sleep in - it would be about strengthening the foundation of your family.

    Also if the night waking from the 2yr are a bother then make an action plan to tackle it (together!)

    You're a team

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (11-04-2017)

  11. #37
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    I don't think anyone is saying you don't work hard and don't deserve time and sleep. You do. But so does your wife. She wants to swap Sunday sleep ins you want them for yourself. You aren't being fair or reasonable

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