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  1. #21
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    When close family ask what my older kids want, I will often say just chuck a few bucks in a card. Once they hit tweens/teens mine are into saving for large items.

    But we would never put money on the card, that's tacky. Only with close family, and only if asked what they want.

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  3. #22
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    I wouldn't mind being asked for cash at all. I hate buying presents for kids, there's too much to choose from and you never know what they'll like or if they already have the thing you've bought them.

    We had DDs birthday recently. I said 'no gifts please' on the invite. I wouldn't have minded if people gave cash which could be contributed to a bigger item but I didn't want to ask for cash as I assumed it would put people off. I just definitely didn't want any more toys as my house is over run by them as it is. Anyway most people ignored my request and brought gifts/ toys. I understand that they're being polite and don't want to turn up empty handed but it's a bit frustrating that my request was ignored. If they were going to insist on bringing something I definitely would have preferred cash, even if it was just $10 rather then more plastic crap that will be played with once then chucked under the couch.

  4. #23
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    We've never been to a party that asked for money for kids. I don't think I'd ever ask for money either. I accept that ending up with lots of toys might happen - but usually parents ask what DD would like and I will always tell them gifts are not expected at all, but if they really want to get something then DD loves books (DS is a bit young for parties still). My kids both get so much more out of books than any other toys.

    I find the whole party etiquette thing very odd. An invitation is just that, there's no obligation to attend. It seems that so often hosting a party leaves you open to so much judgement! Of course, some people are over the top or overly demanding, but I think that's pretty rare. Personally I think if someone asks for no presents or even if they say only cash, bringing a toy or something is just as rude. If DD gets invited to something I teach her to say thank you for the invite and to respect the host. They've invited her to celebrate their occasion their way. Sometimes these things are cultural and I don't want her judging other cultures negatively based on a narrow idea of etiquette.

  5. #24
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    We had a party invite a few weeks ago and said "as I am a single mum the cost of a party is a lot if you could please bring a plate to share instead of a present I would really appreciate it. I thought this was a great idea and she just had it at her place everyone brought a great selection and most people brought a gift as well but never been asked for money... I wouldn't go if there was an expectation of money as I am a single mum too and live pay check to pay check as many families single or coupled do so it's hard to find a few spare dollars for a present as it is but I always find a way as I think it's just an unsaid expectation to bring a gift... Then you get the ones that go over board and bring the plate of food and 5 or so gifts... I have had had this happen a few times and I just feel crap

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  7. #25
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    Firstly I think it's odd to invite 2yos from day care. They normally just play alongside each other at that age not with each other. I invited 3 of my daughters day care friends her her 3rd birthday last year, and before that had invited the whole kinder class for DD1. But age 2 and under is odd.

    Secondly you mentioned the second one was for child to go to the zoo for their birthday. Was that a party everyone went to or just the family?

    Often people just give a book, so to say books instead of cards is presumptuous.

    In my opinion it's fine to tell family money towards something if they want, but not people you aren't close with.

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post

    We had DDs birthday recently. I said 'no gifts please' on the invite. I wouldn't have minded if people gave cash which could be contributed to a bigger item but I didn't want to ask for cash as I assumed it would put people off. I just definitely didn't want any more toys as my house is over run by them as it is. Anyway most people ignored my request and brought gifts/ toys. I understand that they're being polite and don't want to turn up empty handed but it's a bit frustrating that my request was ignored.
    We don't need more toys here and I thought about saying no presents one year but I realised it's not my birthday and it's not my place to decline presents on behalf of my daughter. However annoying it is it's HER birthday. I'm sure your guests probably felt the same, wanting to help make a small child's birthday special.

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  10. #27
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    I find it rude. Then to say a book instead of a card, generally they don't equate to the same amount so that is presumptuous.
    For a child's birthday it's especially rude, shouldn't the focus be on having a great time with family and friends not what you'll get out of it. Yes we all have too much crap, and we all have an inner circle of people who you can tell/will ask what to get, but seriously requesting money from school/childcare friends, it's ridiculous. Suggesting it's to contribute to having it at the zoo, implies it is out of their budget, so just don't have it at the zoo.
    Even weddings, it irritates me, realistically in this day and age we all give money for weddings I find it tacky when a request is made on the invitation.
    I'm going to side track but.....I was so proud of ds the other day during preparations for his 6th bday DD asks what would you want for your bday heaps of presents or your friends to come, you can only choose one, DS answers what everyone would choose....to have my friends of course.
    Sometimes we can learn a lot from kids.

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  12. #28
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    I honestly think people only find it rude because it's not their normal. I don't think it's rude. I'm certain that the people who are doing it are doing it because they feel it's the best choice.
    It's not something I would do as it doesn't feel right to me... again because it's not my 'normal' it doesn't seem like the right thing to do. BUT I'd certainly prefer it! My kids get to many gifts and too many cards. I throw cards out basically the instant I get them... which I feel terrible about, but I just can't keep them. I have a tiny house with 4 kids and it just gets cluttered so quickly. So many toys that we get given we keep for 6 months and then give away. I would love if people brought a book instead of a card (yes we're cluttered but can always make space for books) and money instead of a gift. But I could never ask for it.
    In fact I'd prefer people just bring themselves and have fun and forget about cards and gifts! That would be better, haha.
    Last edited by CazHazKidz; 05-04-2017 at 08:54.

  13. #29
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    It's fine to GIVE money. Just not ok to ASK for it in my opinion.

    My kids love choosing presents for their friends birthdays.

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  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    We don't need more toys here and I thought about saying no presents one year but I realised it's not my birthday and it's not my place to decline presents on behalf of my daughter. However annoying it is it's HER birthday. I'm sure your guests probably felt the same, wanting to help make a small child's birthday special.
    She's 1. She really doesn't have any concept of her birthday being special. I would never say no gifts for an older child who understands the concept, for example I wouldn't put no gifts on an invite for my 4 year old as she would be upset by that. My 1 year old is happy playing with a spatula. People actually texted saying what can we buy? And I said really please no gifts as she's happy playing with her big sisters toys and doesn't even understand the concept of her birthday and gifts yet.

    I understand where you're coming from and where my guests were coming from but at the end of the day I invited them and I think it was rude for people to ignore a request from someone who had invited them, especially when I had even given an explanation to those who specifically enquired. I ended up getting heaps of gifts that DD1 already had so now I've got 2 of them and yes I could donate them or exchange etc but I'd prefer if people would have just honoured my request in the first place.

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