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  1. #1
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    Default Anyone recently have a cycle that failed?

    So my first IVF cycle failed and I thought I was doing ok but I'm not really! I thought it would be good to start a thread where people can rant, get things off their chest or just support each other while we go through this whole process yet again!

    I was terrified of getting a negative, I knew it would hurt but I just wasn't prepared for the emotions it brings out in you. I knew there would be tears but the anger! Wow. The feeling of failure, the constant worries about never getting the chance to ever be a mum. People say the 2WW is the worst part of IVF but I disagree, without a doubt the worst part is looking at that test and seeing that one depressing line, it's soul destroying, knowing all those tests, scans, injections, blood tests, medications were for nothing, you didn't get your baby.

    I have an appointment in 2 weeks, our wedding anniversary actually! To arrange for our 1 last embryo to be transferred.

    What's happening next with your cycle?

  2. #2
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    Hi @Mermaid13 sorry to hear about your first IVF cycle not working šŸ™ It's devastating after all we go through to get to transfer only for it not to work. I had a BFN on my first, chemical on my second and an early miscarriage on my third- that one definitely hurt the most because I'd been lulled into a false sense of security that it had worked...Won't be doing that again! Starting a fresh cycle in two weeks and soooo ready to get going again šŸ˜Š Good luck with your next appt and FET.

  3. #3
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    Thank you!! Good luck to you too šŸ˜€

  4. #4
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    @Mermaid13 it is so hard. The first BFN is terrible... I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but it really doesn't. In my case I've just grown cynical, without any of the hope and positivity I once had. Good luck for your next cycle...

  5. #5
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    I know this might not make sense, but for me getting a BFP on our first IVF cycle made it incredibly hard to make the decision to try again for a sibling! Super grateful that we got DD first go obviously, but I was so terrified of getting a negative result on an IVF cycle it delayed us trying for a good 12 months longer for bub #2.

    As disappointing as it is, at least now you have experienced that low point of a BFN, with all those perfectly valid emotions you're currently going through. It doesn't necessarily get easier, but when you decide to try again you will know that you can deal with a BFN, and can be somewhat prepared for it.

    It took 5 cycles (with 3 transfers) for me to get pregnant again. Along the way some of our worst fears were realised (missed ovulation, failed thaws, etc), so it's been a really painful year. We had mentally prepared ourselves for another failed cycle on our last round that it actually took several weeks for it to sink in that we finally succeeded!

    One of the best pieces of IVF advice I was ever told is to think about whichever way forward would be less painful. If that means going on despite the fear of another BFN, then do that. If it means you move on from IVF, then that's ok too. Many clinics will say it takes an average of 3 cycles to fall pregnant with IVF, but that number is totally different for everyone! No one can tell you how many cycles you should try, only you can say how many are right for you.

    Allow yourself to feel all that pain, anger, hurt and frustration, let it out and let it go. Do something nice for yourself and take whatever time you need to decide next steps. Be gentle with yourself too.

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    Aqua85  (03-04-2017)

  7. #6
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    We just had our 3rd BFN. It usually takes me a few hours or days for the disappointment/tears/anger/fear/defeat to kick in.

    My biggest fear when starting out was to go through all of that and walk away with absolutely nothing. And that was exactly what happened on our first go.... we got one not so great embryo and no backups.

    The 2nd transfer was with a 'top notch' fresh embryo and then I got a heavily period on the morning I was due for my blood test.

    Our 3rd was a FET. I made it to the blood test stage but it was another BFN. Then we found out my sister is two weeks pregnant exactly two weeks after our BFN. She doesn't know about our situation because boundaries and privacy aren't her strong point. I want to be super happy for her, but to be honest I'm incredibly bitter atm and I'm worried I won't be able to hide it. Anyway, hopefully I'll get over that sooner, rather than later.

    In the meantime, we're looking for a new Doctor. Hopefully we can find someone who is interested in investigating why our results are so poor.

    Best of luck with your transfer.

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    kylez83  (03-04-2017)

  9. #7
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    @skeeter That is so much to go through! I'm so sorry you have had to go through all that. You're incredibly strong tho! If you don't mind me asking do they know why this is happening to you?


    @bubbletrouble thank you šŸ˜€


    @gimmiewaffles if it's not too personal do you have a diagnosis or do they know why you keep getting negatives? I kinda wish I hadn't let my family know too, every woman in my family is super super fertile and was totally convinced that it will definitely work first time because of that reason. It didn't and it somehow just makes it worse. We have MFI and now it failed I'm convinced there is something, like implantation failure and I'll never be a mother. I've read many forums and it seems to me if it doesn't work first time those women struggle and have to have 6 or 7 tries before it works or they give up. I can't afford too many cycles. So I'm just really really scared now of it not ever working. I fully get the sadness when other people are pregnant I've had to come of fb because all I see are people's scans and pregnancy announcements. It makes me feel like a terrible person but I can't help it, I can't go to baby showers or anything. I was ok the first four years of trying but this last year it just hurts too much.

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    kylez83  (03-04-2017)

  11. #8
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    @Mermaid13 My FS believed my eggs were not good quality, probably due to age. But it could have been years of obesity, or my endo or even the health issues I previously hd, who knows. I was 37 and had done nearly a year of IVF when he told me that. I did one more cycle and got pregnant. But then I had an Incompetent Cervix which caused me to lose my twins. So not only do I have a lot of trouble conceiving but I now have trouble carrying a child.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to skeeter For This Useful Post:

    kylez83  (03-04-2017)

  13. #9
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    @Mermaid13 have you been tested for immune issues? We did IVF for MFI after a not very successful vasectomy reversal. When they did a bunch of tests during our tracking cycle they also discovered I had very high antinuclear antibodies. It turns out I have a prothrombin gene mutation which is a blood clotting issue, so I'm on aspirin and clexane. Without going through all the testing with IVF we could have gone through years of heartbreaking losses.

  14. #10
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    Hi ladies!

    Like you @Mermaid13 I just had my first transfer fail a few weeks ago.

    I'm super super blessed though and got 12 good 5 day blastocytes frozen from my first stim cycle. So I feel less pressure I imagine. Like you though it suprised me how overwhelmingly upset I was at my bfn. We've been trying 2.5 years, I should be used to seeing BFN's but there is such a HUGE lead up to that test with ivf. I tested at 9dp5dt. I was crying before I looked at the test I was so overwhelmed with nerves and then sobbed and sobbed for an hour when it was negative.

    I'm onto my second now, am currently 3dp5dt as we went straight into another cycle. I feel nothing and it makes me think this one hasn't work either. I hope this time around it's not so crushing :/


 

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