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  1. #11
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    You could speak to HR to get some advice rather than making a complaint. I work in HR and very often have Managers and staff call me for advice for interpersonal issues without mentioning any names.

  2. #12
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    Just be glad she's cut you off. The coldness your feeling is just people not wanting to get involved. People aren't silly, they will know what she's like.

    Focus on your work. You're there to earn money not make friends. I mean that nicely not as harshly as it reads!!

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  4. #13
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    I don't agree with your Team Leader's approach necessarily however I do see her point about Facebook messaging about it. But I don't agree you should have just moved desks without saying anything. That could have been worse.
    Be fabulous and faultless - greet her, include her at work, at lunch, wherever necessary, say goodbye. Whatever you do, don't get caught in giving the silent treatment. And don't speak to anyone else about it - unless it's the team leader or HR.
    If she emails you further about this, don't engage other than to say "as I have already explained, I'm really trying to focus on improving my targets at the moment. That's what I'd like to do at work. As previously discussed, I want to maintain a professional relationship with you." And leave it there. Don't engage.
    Your TL's second response is odd.
    Keep her response somewhere and if things continue - this woman being weird, others being cold, then I would take it above your Team Leader's head.

    But the key is, be pleasant, friendly but not necessarily friends, with everyone. That way you can't be accused of contributing further to this or not trying to move past it.

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    gingermillie  (31-03-2017),JR03  (31-03-2017),Little Miss Sunshine  (31-03-2017),Mod-Nomsie  (31-03-2017),Wise Enough  (31-03-2017)

  6. #14
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    Thanks heaps all for your advice. I will do my best to put on a happy face and greet her, the problem is her vibes towards me are quite confronting and I seem to be feeling a little rattled by her. She's a self confessed 'high school bully' so it seems she hasn't really grown out of those old tactics too well.

    I have removed her off my facebook now, so that will be interesting come tomorrow. But i didn't see any point to us being on facebook now as she has me on limited profile and a lot stricter than I had her on with mine. So there is no point. Im sure though her apparent abandonment issues will fire up again now that i took the extra step in deleting her.

    I never wanted to be good friends with her, just wanted to be good work acquaintances like I am with others, and just wanted to make sure she was ok. It all just happened so fast as soon as i reached out to her and she then decided we are to sit next to each other and spend every break together, walk to the train together then chat on facebook at night. I always like to be more of a loner at work and have good rapport with everyone. This time i got sucked in to this and i should have known better. I do now why this happened though and I know what i need to work on within myself. This is definitely the universe giving me another sign of what I need to focus on with myself. I guess i needed this harsh lesson.

    She was that dependent on me instantly, that when i took a week as rec leave recently she completely sulked about it and every day I was off she facebook messaged doing a 'countdown' of when I'll be back. I thought it was funny at first but then i soon realised she invaded my week off by making me think about my 'countdown' of when i'll be back to work! So it took away some of my enjoyment. That's my own fault though, i know. It all just happened so intensely and fast that I didn't know what was actually happening, if that makes sense.

    You have all given me some courage and tools though in handling her in this coming week. Thanks all so much.
    Last edited by Serenity Love; 02-04-2017 at 09:35.

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  8. #15
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    It's tough for sure.
    Social media can be great but it can also get out of hand or make things awkward when it's a work situation.
    I got caught up in something years ago with colleagues and colleagues from other services. To put it bluntly, we were b!tching inappropriately about another person. Then one colleague switched sides and told her what I had said. Only me. Not him or the others. It caused huge dramas - and rightly so. I was wrong. From that point I made the decision to keep social media for friends and family and not for work. That's extreme and there are many people that make social media work with co-workers. But at that time, I decided that was the best thing for me to do. It also stopped any work related conversations when I was on leave, and helped maintain work/life balance.
    It also made things less awkward as I moved through the ranks to maintain a little separation.

    Your coworker is painful there is no doubt about it. However the reality is, you can't change her behaviour. Or even manage it. All you can do is manage your own.
    It also is not likely to last forever. Even if it feels like it now.
    If you can walk in, head held high, and be professional and pleasant to everyone you work with, including painful coworker, you won't be in the wrong.
    She seems manipulative though, so I would try and make sure that some of your pleasantness is in front of others, so if she tries to claim you're shutting her out, ignoring her, whatever, there will be others who can see that's not the case.
    And whatever you do, do not engage in email conversations about this stuff on work time. Keep it about work. If she tries to drag you in to conversations it's a simple "I'm focusing on my work. Lets chat at lunch" rinse. Lather. Repeat as required.
    Treat your first day at work this week as a fresh start. Good luck!

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    Lanabananah  (02-04-2017),Serenity Love  (04-04-2017),Wise Enough  (02-04-2017)


 

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