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  1. #1
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    Default Rude 10 year old. Ideas?

    She's as good as gold in school but since kindy uses me as a punching bag to let out all the frustrations of behaving well all day. I get that she explodes in her safe space and I know making big deals of things or me losing my cool just makes things worse but I'm fed up with the constant backchat, eye rolling and criticising me! Like this evening it was "what did you put tuna in the pasta for it's disgusting" then laughs at me about something she thought was a mistake I made. So far I just told her that it's rude to laugh at people and she can start making her own dinner. But that's not realistic. I need something simple but affective that shows her that it's not ok to be that disrespectful without making more of little things than I need to....
    ideas?!?!

  2. #2
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    Oh dear!
    No advice, I'm waiting for mine to turn and if karma is real, I'm in for it.

    Do you get any one on one time with her?
    Time to connect a bit that makes her feel special, building that bond and all?

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  4. #3
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    My pre-teen was pretty rude to me at 10, and criticised everything I did basically.
    I just use to send them away from me. I didn't care where they went in the house, but they weren't to follow me around and criticise me.
    It was hard, because the criticisms were a daily event...but it stopped eventually. We have this really great bond now.
    Last edited by Full House; 30-03-2017 at 21:46.

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    Freyamum  (01-04-2017)

  6. #4
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    Sadly no advice my 9yr old ds is currently like this. I'm attributing it to hormones. He is good as good at school and often get complimented on his behaviour and politeness at school. But home, in the car out in public he is a right little turd sometimes. Fights me, argues, laughs at me when he knows I'm sooooooo angry at him when we are out and he knows damn well I can't do anything about it, he shoves his sisters, laughs at them for stupid things like if they have a pimple, constantly teasing his little sister. Some days I just want to walk out the house and never come home. He says he can't control it. I've taken his x box off him, the Ipad (communal), tv time, friends time. I'm at my wits end as to what to do because he just doesn't seem to give 2 hoots. If I did that to my mum back when I was that age mate I would have had the belt and I'm only 32!

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    My answer to my 7 and 10 year old is that when they would like to show interest in learning to cook dinner then they are welcome to. Until that time they either eat it or don't. I'm just a mum doing my best, I'm not a restaurant

    We've also spent a lot of time talking about it's not what you say sometimes but how you say it (I sounded so like my own mum).

    We talked about how people saying negative things, criticisms, derogatory comments to them make them feel so why would it not be hurtful to us are parents who do their utmost best for them.

    I also told them that actions at home have consequences too, we won't say yes to all the parties if got can't show us respect as how do we know you'll be polite to the host.

    I'm not sure if it's right but we also talked about if they treat us this way they probably treat their friends that way and aren't likely to keep them, people eventually stopped hanging around those that love to criticise, point out everyone's errors yet still aren't so squeaky clean themselves.

    We've also dropped the if you don't have anything nice to say then stay silent.

    We talk about humility and how not to presume what kids tell you is really their true life so you always have to be kind and understanding because their could be much more going on we don't know about.

    For me I feel like the 10yo especially we have started to talk about what kind of person that want to grow up to be and how we can help them achieve that.

    It's hard, I hear the way my kids talk to me and I would have been in so much trouble

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    Freyamum  (01-04-2017)

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    I could have written this post. Even from the since kindergarten part! When she was 5 my DD was diagnosed with screamers nodules from all the yelling and tantrums she had and her teachers just could not believe it. I am seriously struggling as well. Only thing that sometimes works is ton remove privileges . Time out certainly does not work these days but I'll still use it to give the rest of the family a break from her!

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  12. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    My answer to my 7 and 10 year old is that when they would like to show interest in learning to cook dinner then they are welcome to. Until that time they either eat it or don't. I'm just a mum doing my best, I'm not a restaurant

    We've also spent a lot of time talking about it's not what you say sometimes but how you say it (I sounded so like my own mum).

    We talked about how people saying negative things, criticisms, derogatory comments to them make them feel so why would it not be hurtful to us are parents who do their utmost best for them.

    I also told them that actions at home have consequences too, we won't say yes to all the parties if got can't show us respect as how do we know you'll be polite to the host.

    I'm not sure if it's right but we also talked about if they treat us this way they probably treat their friends that way and aren't likely to keep them, people eventually stopped hanging around those that love to criticise, point out everyone's errors yet still aren't so squeaky clean themselves.

    We've also dropped the if you don't have anything nice to say then stay silent.

    We talk about humility and how not to presume what kids tell you is really their true life so you always have to be kind and understanding because their could be much more going on we don't know about.

    For me I feel like the 10yo especially we have started to talk about what kind of person that want to grow up to be and how we can help them achieve that.

    It's hard, I hear the way my kids talk to me and I would have been in so much trouble
    All of this is what we do and did. It does sink in eventually.

  13. #8
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    Seems like shes seeking connection with you. Talk as well as listen. Maybe shes hurting. Maybe shes having a hard time at school. I don't know. Don't punish. Let her know how you feel when shes rude but let her know you're there to listen.
    Give her some control in what she wants for dinner. Remember she's learning and growing and going through hormones. She isn't purposely being "bad"
    My 9 (almost 10) year old is going through this too. Its frustrating but i know shes frustrated too. I connect with her as much as possible.

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  15. #9
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    When my dd was going through that stage, I'd tell her she was hurting my feelings and I didn't want to be around her and then I'd walk away from her. She didn't like that one bit. After she'd apologised I'd discuss with her how she'd feel if I was speaking/treating her that way. It took a little bit of time, but it got better. We still get the eye rolls and the occasional bad attitude, but in a different way. She does pull herself up when its pointed out and she apologises.

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    Freyamum  (01-04-2017)


 

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