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  1. #1
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
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    Default Advice to New Mums

    A friend is having a baby soon - and is very anxious about baby care in general so I was giving her some advice and it got me thinking about all the advice that you get from everyone. I was just bombarded with it.

    What is the best tips for a new Mum

    For me - it was to try and relax and enjoy it. That I was allowed to pick up my baby and nurse her to sleep if I wanted to. That I was allowed to cuddle her and enjoy those special moments without being worried that I was training her in bad habits ...

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    Default Advice to New Mums

    I often give unsolicited advice and tell people to ignore the advice they are given. Great Aunty Jo may mean well, but her kids are 40 and things have changed a lot since then! Sometimes advice can be great, but if it's not, just say thank you and ignore it. They feel they have helped if you thank them. If you argue with them, it's just not worth it!

    My advice if asked for it, is to enjoy for sure. Babies can't be spoilt and babies can't read. So throw away those books with their often unrealistic or one solution fits all children approach. You know your baby better than anyone else. It will take time, but you will figure it out.

    Be assertive. Don't let someone walk off with your baby if they are crying. If you ask and they don't hand them over, take them back. If they are offended, tough! It's your baby.

    Travel mug for hot cups of tea. Cold tea is gross and you never get to finish one!

    And don't be too hard on yourself if BFing doesn't happen. I had next to no milk with both kids and it is very hard emotionally to deal with have ing breasts that can't do their job. Yes, breast may be best, but a fed baby is better.

    Those are my top pieces of advice. Those and not letting sick people, even if just a cold, near your newborn.
    Last edited by Californication; 21-03-2017 at 18:32.

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  4. #3
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    Great advice Californication. I agree with all of it.

    I would add the best advice I got was to take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if you need to. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week or next month, it will just overwhelm you, do what you need to do to get through today and focus on that for at least the first 6 weeks to 3 months. After that things will get easier and you can start making longer plans but for example if today your life will be easier if you skip a shower, hold baby all day while they sleep on you, buy take away for dinner or stay in your pjs all day that's perfectly fine.

    Remembering that advice really saved me when my anxiety was starting to get out of control.

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    Californication  (21-03-2017)

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    Some of the best tips that I give new mums I think I got from here!

    - set up a little feeding station for where you tend to feed a lot. Always have a bottle of water and some snack foods on hand. That way if you get trapped under a sleeping Bub, you can still have something to eat and drink.

    - the baby won't die from crying if you need 2 mins to go to the toilet, pour a drink, grab something to eat, even if it is the worst sound in the world.

    - if you become overwhelmed, put the baby down in a safe place like the cot or pass off to someone who is visiting and go and have 5 mins to yourself whether it's to have a cry, have a shower etc.

    - utilize your visitors. I always offer to stop at the shops on my way to visit a new mum and bring food for lunch plus leftovers so they can have an easy tea/lunch then next day. Usually it's something like a BBQ chicken and salad and some bread rolls. If you have someone coming over around lunchtime, ask them to stop off for milk, bread etc on their way over if you need something. Most people would be happy to comply. Also if you haven't had a shower or washed hair then ask them to cuddle Bub for you so you can have a shower. Who is going to turn down baby cuddles?!

    - if you have close friends or family coming over you feel comfortable asking, get them to put on some washing/hang washing out/empty your dishwasher etc.

    - don't play the hostess. If you're feeding Bub/stuck under a sleeping baby, let them know they're more than welcome to make themselves a cuppa and point them in the direction of the cups, tea/coffee etc. then ask them to make you one while they're at it haha.

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    Californication  (21-03-2017)

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    Oh, and do whatever works for you! Smile and nod when people try to tell you how to do something and say thanks, I'll keep it in mind. Either file it for future use, or discard it out of your mind as soon as they leave. There are a million "right ways" to do things. Just go with what works for you. As long as baby is safe, nothing else matters.

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    Californication  (21-03-2017)

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    Mine is pretty simple

    Your baby will not break. They are tough little cookies.

    If people offer to help even you don't want it take it. If you mum it mil says have a nap I'll look after the baby. Take the nap

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    Californication  (21-03-2017)

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    Some advice I appreciated from a midwife was in the early days she asked "how many times is your baby feeding in a 24 hour period?" And I said "honestly, no idea... if she seems hungry or is upset, my first solution is to see if she's hungry, which she often is" and she said that's the best way to approach it - don't worry about how often your baby feeds or how many hours it is between feeds (within reason; I wouldn't go more than a few hours with a brand newbie), just make sure they're having plenty of wet and pooey nappies. She said many people get anxious that their baby is feeding more than X times per day or they want to feed every X number of hours when it doesn't really matter.

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    More sleep = more sleep .
    Don't sleep baby in too quiet an environment or you'll never be able to make any noise the next 3 years.

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    Californication  (21-03-2017)

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    The best advice I got was from a friend: set yourself one goal each day. I recommend "keep baby alive". When you accomplish that then you're doing a fabulous job. The house, the washing, the cooking etc doesn't matter.

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    babybeeno1  (21-03-2017),BH-KatiesMum  (21-03-2017),Californication  (21-03-2017),gingermillie  (21-03-2017),M'LadyEm  (21-03-2017),Mama Mirabelle  (21-03-2017),mckel  (21-03-2017),TheGooch  (21-03-2017)

  18. #10
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    Be realistic in your expectations. Some people do manage to have babies that sleep regularly, feed beautifully, don't get sick, and so on, whilst maintaining an immaculate home, hot meal on the table every night, and manage to look fantastic. And some people don't. And either way is fine. It will be different for each person. Do yourself a favour and try not to compare yourself or your bub to anyone else(s).

    If you feel like the blues have gone beyond just baby blues, tell someone, ask for help, get help. Sometimes it doesn't go away on its own.

    Cuddle your baby, love your baby, pick your baby up, as much as you can / want to. If the "tough love" stuff doesn't sit well with you (like it didn't go me) ignore that advice. See advice #1 - everyone is different and that's ok.

    talk to your partner before bub arrives to discuss expectations and practicalities. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the "we're having a baby" to find out later that you have completely different ideas about how the workload will be distributed.

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