Returning to work after 10 years being a SAHM

[Mama Mirabelle]

There should be a back to work program for long term SAHM. This would be ideal.

I completely agree with this. As a SAHM I feel so undervalued and lack confidence in my ability to work. Prior to finding out recently I am unexpectedly pregnant with my third I was planning on going back to work and looking for employment. It was so overwhelming and nerve wracking and even though DH was supportive he really couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time. I feel like no one can understand unless they've been through it. If the government is serious about encouraging mothers back to the workforce there needs to be some investment in support services and a recognition of our value and skills, we haven't just all been sitting with our feet up eating bon bons for all these years.

[onelasttime]

There are amazing mums who love going back to work and there is other mums (like myself) feel the pressure to work and yet I want to but the whole thought of it is really scary
I think the idea of a office job maybe isn't for me. I think I can't handle that environment and the pressure that comes with it. I think working with kids would be ideal. Or am I making excuses. Argh I'm so lost and confused on what to do.
I know it doesn't make sense cause it doesn't in my head.
I wish there was specific counselling on offer for SAHM and helping with back to work.

[ricepudding]

@onelasttime if you're feeling like you wish there was counselling, maybe some would help. Talking to the right person face to face might help you feel less anxious and help you with coping strategies to allow you to either feel ok with the role or know that you really want to leave.

I returned to work after my kids and leaving them at 1 year old was crushing. I felt awful. But I had to for financial reasons and that was that. When I did eventually leave those jobs it was because I'd been back in them for long enough to be sure it was time for a change, not just because I wanted to be back with my LO's.

Maybe your GP could help with a mental health plan which will reduce the cost of counselling.

[onelasttime]

I definitely realise I do need counselling. This isn't me. I'm totally freaking out and can't eat and can't stop crying. My job starts in 2 hours and I'm totally out of control. I'm petrified and scared.
Again I'm so confused about it all. Working will help with the finanaces but I can't figure out why I'm like this. What does a emotional break down feel like? Is this what is. I'm in the wardrobe crying. I have to tell them I can't work. But what do I say. I just got the job

[Mama Mirabelle]

It sounds to me like you're having anxiety attacks when you start to get overwhelmed by all the negative thoughts surrounding this new job.

Before you decide to quit I would speak to you GP and see if you could try some counselling and anti anxiety meds. It might help to get through this interim transition period and once you become more familiar with the routine of your new job and your children get used to the situation you may find that your anxiety calms down or dissipates.

[Freyamum]

I completely agree with this. As a SAHM I feel so undervalued and lack confidence in my ability to work. Prior to finding out recently I am unexpectedly pregnant with my third I was planning on going back to work and looking for employment. It was so overwhelming and nerve wracking and even though DH was supportive he really couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time. I feel like no one can understand unless they've been through it. If the government is serious about encouraging mothers back to the workforce there needs to be some investment in support services and a recognition of our value and skills, we haven't just all been sitting with our feet up eating bon bons for all these years.

This was me 3 years ago suddenly pregnant with number 3! Ds was moving up to 4 days of preschool for his last year before school and I had decided to enjoy spending time with him when only at preschool 2 days a week and focus on study / job hunting the next year. Then the pregnancy bombshell. In my case dp didn't want another baby either so I didn't even have his support. I've had so many ups and down mentally since then. I'll be fine for months then go into complete panic mode as the years are ticking by and all the negativity towards sahm's gets to me. I think hearing others having struggles with this makes me realise that it's logical really that we'd feel like this. Unfortunately those that have never stopped work like our partners or friends who went back to their old jobs etc can't relate. When it starts to get to me and I doubt the decision not to find work while kids were little I like to read "liberating motherhood" it makes me feel stronger and believe I'm doing the right thing for me and my family.
I just wish there was a way of getting people, especially the govt to realise that just focusing on getting mums back to work within a year is so short sighted and may miss out on mums like us who might just need a bit of help transitioning back.
Having said all this, my third child is just the most loveliest thing to happen to our family so I wouldn't change a thing.

[onelasttime]

It's hard to transition from 2nd baby to 3rd especially when it wasn't planned. It takes a major shift in your life to adjust.
I was working until I had my first child, then casually until my last. And then having babies, and had family issues to get through made life a bit difficult to return to work. Life was fine at home having children. It was until my last started kindy where I started thinking about work and what to do the next stage in my life. Im still having trouble figuring this out, but thought going back to a familiar job would be fine. But it clearly wasn't. Yesterday and today I broke down. I've never cried. I usually can hold it together. But for some reason (still trying to figure out) I broke.
I took the high road and sent a text saying I can't come in. I feel really guilty and ashamed but I feel I made the right decision. I think being at home and taking care of everything, I don't think I can handle the added pressure of a high stress job.
I feel I do need to see someone to get professional help and guidance cause for the first time in my life I feel completely lost.

[Isla108]

I just wanted to see how you got on? I am a SAHM to four DD, but work a little on the side but in nothing that I am qualified for/ passionate about, as I try to work around the children's school hours. BUT personally this is killing me ie. not following my interests. I can identify with your post about wanting to work school hours and getting a teacher's aide position. Hope you have worked out a solution that works best for you.