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  1. #81
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    I'm sorry you are struggling so much. You mentioned in a thread you are in the tww.. how is that going? Are you more stressed / anxious due to that?

    I've been on meds for over 20 years . I have a 22 year old and a 19 year old so it can be done with babies / toddlers. Yes side effects are awful but they don't last forever . Meds take time to kick in - usually a good 4-6 weeks . Please try something to ease your anxiety. You deserve so much more and so does your son .

    Fwiw I'm on pristiq. I had hardly any side effects when I first started on them. I take it at night as I was sleepy if I took it in the morning.

    Please don't leave .. we are here to support you and as you said you have no support network in real life , let us be that network you need .

    Thinking of you and I hope you can get the help you so desperately need

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  3. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I'm not making excuses! And I'm not having a tantrum. I don't like being spoken to the way some people here have spoken to me. I'm struggling & this isn't feeling much like a support page at the moment.

    It's easy to hide behind the screen & keyboard & speak to people the way some of you spoke to me.
    You are though. And in every other thread. Every single suggestion you shoot down in flames. I'm not saying you have to try every single one, or that every suggestion will work for you. But you don't even consider people's points.

    And people haven't been rude to you. You've received a huge amount of support in your time here and kind members, many of us with direct experience with anxiety have given you our time and thoughts. I hate that this forum has become this space where everyone must placate others no matter what. It's not about hiding behind a keyboard. I've always tried to be kind but honest in my years here and everyone that knows me off the forum knows who I am here is who I really am. I don't thrive on trolling or being mean. I do however, miss the honesty of what this place used to be. You need to address this. Now. For your son. That's not being mean or hiding behind my keyboard. It's what you need to hear. Move past the victim mentality and actually *listen* to what people are saying.

    Anyhoo, I do genuinely wish you the best.

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  5. #83
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    OP, prioritise yourself. You're worth it. Really.

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  7. #84
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    What Delirium said!

    Many of us can empathize with the way that you're thinking - seeing difficulties, panicking and having the whole thing seem impossible. I do it all the time. It's the anxiety.

    Now I'm sure you'll think that no, you're just being practical, but there really are ways around all the obstacles if you try. It may not seem like it, but there are. Picking apart every suggestion because it doesn't seem perfect on paper won't help; actually taking something up and dealing with the fallout when you get there will. Again, I'm saying this because I see my own thought processes in what you're saying.

    You are not the only one without support. You are not the only one who finds it hard. Yes, it truly sucks that you're in that position but you can make this work. You need to and you deserve to.

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  9. #85
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    Default Driving after phobia - little driving experience & dealing with toddler yelli...

    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Thanks for the comments.

    Some of them i felt were pretty harsh.

    I'm willing to give meds a try, but I'm unsure of how I'm supposed to look after my son while dealing with the side effects when finding the right one?

    My husband is gone 11 1/2-12 hours a day five days a week. I work 3 days a week (& I need to keep my job). The other two days a week I'm on my own in terms of support as all family & friends work full-time.

    Last meds i took i literally couldn't force myself to stay awake past 6pm. My son's bedtime is at 7. So who looks after my son for that hour? Gives him dinner & a bath etc? Hubby isn't home until at least 7 most days.

    Plus I was literally falling asleep at my desk all day at work.

    It also wasn't safe for me to drive while on those meds cause I could barely stay awake.

    So i don't know how to find meds that work but still be able to care for my son.

    I guess I'm outta here again, for the same reason as last time.
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I am trying to get help! I have been for a long time! I see a psychologist. I had to stop last year after i maxed out my 10 sessions but I'm getting another care plan for this year. I just need to find a new psych who doesn't mind if i bring my DS, or who works weekends.

    So far most of them don't work weekends & won't let me bring DS.

    It's great for all of you who have parents & other family who don't work. Both my parents & in-laws still work full-time, as do siblings. 99% of my friends don't have kids so they still work full-time. The few mummy i have all work different days to me. I can't afford a 4th day of daycare when I'm only getting paid for 3 days work.

    So it's not easy to get help but i am trying. Some of you who have support during the week obviously don't understand what it's like to have none & have to find professionals who are happy for you to bring your child to everything.

    DH is basically running his section cause everyone else left. He can't just take weeks & weeks off work. If he did, he'd also have to take it unpaid & we can't afford that.

    I can't take time off work weekly or fortnightly either. Occasionally is fine, regularly is a problem.

    It's not easy but i am trying. I want to be happy again.
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    How do I pay for 5 days of daycare? We don't get CCB, only the rebate. I only get paid for 3 days work & DH is on a salary so unfortunately gets nothing for constantly working back

    DH has no understanding of anxiety or PND whatsoever & I've never had any luck making him understand. He's basically running his section, he's the only senior one there at the moment until they find more staff, so i don't think he can leave early. He also won't understand why......
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    My parents don't understand anxiety. They are of the 'toughen up & get over it' mentality.


    And yes hubby is entitled to paid leave, if he has it - he hasn't been with that company very long & hasn't accrued much leave yet. So yes, most of it would have to be unpaid.


    How do I find a babysitter? I'm not using a random i found on Facebook. None of the daycare girls do it, I've asked. No-one i know can recommend a baby sitter as none of them need one - they all have retired parents who can help.
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I need to work. It helps with my anxiety actually, having adult conversation etc.

    I'll have another look for occasional care

    I'm only driving around my suburb at this stage & there are no psychs in my suburb that do weekend or evening appointments - that was the first place i looked.

    Twinklify, i did use my weekend with the meds, i started them on the Friday. By the following Friday i had fallen asleep at work 3 days more times than I could count & was struggling to pick my son up from daycare safely & look after him every evening. It went on for 7 days until I stopped taking them. So i couldn't just use my weekend.
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I can have a look. I finish at 4.30 & daycare closes at 6.15pm so would need to make sure i can get there & back in time. And no i can't start work earlier - the counter is open 8.30am to 4.30pm.
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    How do I see a psychiatrist? I'm having enough trouble finding a psychologist who works weekends. I'll have a look but i find it pretty unlikely that any psychiatrists would work weekends.

    I know many of you don't understand but i literally have no help.

    I can't take time off work for regular appointments. I need to keep my job.

    I can only drive around the suburb, so public transport time can be added to any appointment time & the public transport here is always late or doesn't turn up, so i have to allow extra time.
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    North lakes is completely inaccessible by public transport from where I live.

    The others are on the south side & I'm on the Northside. I'll have a look at how to get there.
    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I'm not making excuses! And I'm not having a tantrum. I don't like being spoken to the way some people here have spoken to me. I'm struggling & this isn't feeling much like a support page at the moment.

    It's easy to hide behind the screen & keyboard & speak to people the way some of you spoke to me.
    These are all of your comments since you've come back to the thread today, shooting down suggestions in every single post, only once so you say you'll look into the viability of something (getting to the southern suburbs).

    So, what do you WANT people to say? Do you even want advice or suggestions? Serious question, because I am unsure what other advice people can offer. Interview a temporary nanny and have her start when you are able to be around for a couple days to put your mind at ease regarding leaving your son. A psychiatrist probably won't want to see you weekly, it would be once and then a few follow ups a month or two down the track.

    It's unfair to assume all of us do not understand what is like, many of us are doing this with very little or no support.

    You say your husband doesn't understand anxiety or depression, but does he enjoy you in your current state?

    ETA: can I also ask how you find time to do your IVF appointments?
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 23-03-2017 at 01:33.

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  11. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    I am sure I have linked this but try this website:

    http://www.psychology.org.au/FindaPs...ign=beyondblue

    As for getting to appointments - I have spent over 2 hours on public transport to get to psych appointments. With DS. And pregnant. With a pregnancy that had constant morning sickness.

    If you really want help then you will find a way to get it.
    This! Every day I leave the house at 6.30 and get home at 6pm for a shift that is 8.15-4.30 as I use public transport.

  12. #87
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    Yes I also wondered about the ivf appointments.

  13. #88
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    OP I've sent you a pm about helping you to find a psychologist in your area - I know several who work on Saturdays in the Northside of Brisbane.

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  15. #89
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    OP I think you just need to get it done. If that means a week of unpaid leave for DH then so be it. If that means asking if daycare can fit you in an extra day or 2 a week (school holidays would be perfect timing) then so be it.

    I know these things cost money but if you are attempting to have another child I really think this is an urgent priority. You need to be well and you need to sacrifice things to get there.

    Take DH to the GP with you, maybe they can help explain things so he sees the urgency. They can also prescribe medication and organise referrals. Why not aim to do this next week, you've got time to get an appointment on a day that suits and sort out getting there.

    We are all genuinely trying to help. At my most depressed/anxious my DH had for insist on me getting help because I couldn't/wouldn't I was suicidal, had quit my job and just given up. I needed to be pushed to get help or I would still be stuck in that situation 3 years on.

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  17. #90
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    @allatsea, try giving these explanations (below) to your DH to understand anxiety a bit better. My DH doesn't completely get it, but he does try to be compassionate because he knows I can't help it.

    Re: meds - when I started them, I had strong side effects for a couple of weeks before they faded away. I had no help at all. DH was at work 11 hours a day. I knew no one because we'd only recently moved interstate. And DS was up every 45 minutes or less all night and didn't sleep through the day either. I still had to function - drive for various reasons in a city I didn't know, do the shopping, house work, appointments, etc. I still needed the meds. I just had to take them and struggle through the first couple of weeks by myself. I did it, and it got better. It sucks, and it took everything I had to manage, but I did do it.

    Say your capacity to deal with stressors is determined by a bucket. The more stress you add to the bucket, the more full it gets. People without anxiety generally have a less full bucket (say on a scale of 1-10, their bucket is full to a 4 day to day, a person with anxiety might sit at a 7), so the person with anxiety overflows easier - this comes as an emotional outburst or a panic attack or something like that. Also, stressors for a person with anxiety may come in larger doses for the same type of stressor. So, what might add 1 point for someone without anxiety might add 3 points for an anxiety sufferer. Does that make sense?
    To reduce the level of the bucket, you need to do things that help you relax and regroup - going for a walk, exercising, colouring, reading, cooking, time by yourself - whatever you enjoy doing. But you have to do enough of this to keep the level from getting too high.

    Now, reactions to stressors (or when your bucket starts to get too full). The flight/fight/freeze response is controlled by the base part of your brain - it's an intuitive response, and affects your body in a physical sense. The reason we don't only act on our body's intuitive reaction (like an animal), is because we have the frontal cortext wrapping around the base part of the brain and lets us reason and think and control our actions. Now, if you imagine the brain as a fist with your thumb tucked in, the thumb is the base part of your brain, the frontal cortex is your other fingers. When we get anxious, the it's as though your fingers are peeled away - that's why they say you flip your lid. Your frontal cortex is overridden by the base reactions. It can't engage and regulate your behaviour. This is why we need to practice the calming and relaxing techniques while we aren't in an anxious state so we can use them while we are anxious.

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