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  1. #21
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    Default Driving after phobia - little driving experience & dealing with toddler yelli...

    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    As a background - i have anxiety & have done for many years. Back many years ago now when I was first learning to drive i had a few things happen which caused me to develop a phobia of driving.

    Over the last two years I've spent a lot of time, money & effort overcoming this phobia to get back behind the wheel.

    I had many lessons & i have my license & am slowly building up to drive longer & longer distances.

    I still don't have much driving experience experience though, I'm essentially at the level of a red P plater. Therefore I still find driving takes concentration, it's not second nature yet.

    So when my son starts screaming in the car i can't block it out & I'm really struggling to concentrate.

    Today he decided to start singing/yelling (happy) absolutely at the top of his lungs & WOULD NOT stop. I asked him repeatedly, i pulled over & i ended up screaming at him. Nothing worked.

    I was in stop start bumper to bumper peak hour traffic going around a busy roundabout that can't cope with the level of traffic on it (meaning it's crazy & dangerous already) & i made a silly mistake because I was struggling to concentrate because he was yelling so loud that i could hardly hear myself think.

    Heavy traffic is still anxiety provoking for me, although I'm now able to control it & I no longer have a panic attack. But im struggling to control the elevated levels of anxiety caused when in that situation & he's also yelling/screaming.

    How on earth do I make him be quiet if he does that again?

    He's incredibly strong willed & won't listen to anything i say.

    He had toys to play with (he was making them sing & dance which is what caused the problem) & i had music on.

    There is nowhere to attach a tablet that he couldn't kick it (i only have a tiny car).

    Or is there a way i can block out the ear splitting racket?
    Sorry, I've just reread this and I have to ask. Are you taking the p1ss? Not necessarily about your anxiety while driving, you've posted about it and the roundabout before and I believe there was a lot of helpful advice in that thread, maybe go back and read it. But just your comments about your child. He was happily singing and yelling and making his toys dance and would not be quiet, even after you pulled over and screamed at him. And of course you have shot down using a tablet before it's suggested...Really. Is this a joke?

    If you're not taking the p1ss...then my advice is the same as regarding all of your recent threads about you not being able to deal with him. This is about you, not him. He does not need to be fixed or made to be quiet when he is being a normal, happy child. You need to sort your sh1t out, for yourself and for him. If you find driving with a happy child in the car this difficult then you need to work out other travel arrangements when with him until you are calmer on the inside.

    All of us have our lose the plot moments with our children, but I think most of us realize that is our fault for dealing with a situation inappropriately and not our children's.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 21-03-2017 at 01:37.

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  3. #22
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    Default Driving after phobia - little driving experience & dealing with toddler yelli...

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    Sorry, I've just reread this and I have to ask. Are you taking the p1ss? Not necessarily about your anxiety while driving, you've posted about it and the roundabout before and I believe there was a lot of helpful advice in that thread, maybe go back and read it. But just your comments about your child. He was happily singing and yelling and making his toys dance and would not be quiet, even after you pulled over and screamed at him. And of course you have shot down using a tablet before it's suggested...Really. Is this a joke?

    If you're not taking the p1ss...then my advice is the same as regarding all of your recent threads about you not being able to deal with him. This is about you, not him. He does not need to be fixed or made to be quiet when he is being a normal, happy child. You need to sort your sh1t out, for yourself and for him. If you find driving with a happy child in the car this difficult then you need to work out other travel arrangements when with him until you are calmer on the inside.

    All of us have our lose the plot moments with our children, but I think most of us realize that is our fault for dealing with a situation inappropriately and not our children's.
    I was going to stay out of this thread but I just can't help myself. Whilst HGLs post may seem harsh, I totally agree.

    The wording of your original post really saddens me. The fact you refer to your child happily singing as "ear splitting racket" in particular as you are no longer in the heat of the moment.

    You recognise the trigger is your fault, your ds is doing nothing wrong, for gods sake he is actually happy and singing, yet you ask for solutions to keep him quiet instead of solutions to deal with your anxiety (which to be fair we have tried over and over).

    Whilst I understand we may be at risk of scaring you away again, and that is not our intention, you need to understand that taking out your issues on your son (like yelling at him to be quiet when driving) is not acceptable or fair.

    I just find this thread so sad.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 21-03-2017 at 06:56.

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  5. #23
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    Allatsea, are you on medication?

    I have anxiety and meds have so far helped so much. Especially being calmer with my children. I actually wished I would have taken them earlier.

    I am seeing a counsellor, practicing mindfulness and exercising frequently too (which all helps as well) but I found the meds seems to keep me at a good baseline for remaining calm.

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  7. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I was going to stay out of this thread but I just can't help myself. Whilst HGLs post may seem harsh, I totally agree.

    The wording of your original post really saddens me. The fact you refer to your child happily singing as "ear splitting noise" in particular as you are no longer in the heat of the moment.

    You recognise the trigger is your fault, your ds is doing nothing wrong, for gods sake he is actually happy and singing, yet you ask for solutions to keep him quiet instead of solutions to deal with your anxiety (which to be fair we have tried over and over).

    Whilst I understand we may be at risk of scaring you away again, and that is not our intention, you need to understand that taking out your issues on your son (like yelling at him to be quiet when driving) is not acceptable or fair.

    I just find this thread so sad.
    You said it all much nicer than me. I think I am one of the hubbers that has tried most often to give supportive advice over the years, sometimes I'm harsh, but it's because I do know how she feels on the inside and if this is all true it feels like nothing is getting through.

    'You recognise the trigger is your fault, your ds is doing nothing wrong, for gods sake he is actually happy and singing, yet you ask for solutions to keep him quiet instead of solutions to deal with your anxiety (which to be fair we have tried over and over). ' This part of your comment is so spot on, he is being normal and happy!

    We are moving house right now, plus flying over to Australia in a few days and we are all stressed and tired and some of us unwell. Ds1 was being such a turd yesterday afternoon, driving both DH and I crazy and I put him in his room because he wouldn't listen to me and ending up waking the baby and I was just fed up and tired that I had had no chance to just rest or get anything done. He opened his door and smiled and kept forcing a laugh out. At first I started to put him back in and then I realized that he was, in his own little immature emotions way, trying to diffuse the situation and make me smile. It made me feel really sad for him. They are so little right now, we really need to ensure we continue to remind ourselves of that.

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  9. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by yadot View Post
    Allatsea, are you on medication?

    I have anxiety and meds have so far helped so much. Especially being calmer with my children. I actually wished I would have taken them earlier.

    I am seeing a counsellor, practicing mindfulness and exercising frequently too (which all helps as well) but I found the meds seems to keep me at a good baseline for remaining calm.
    This ^^ I'm also on medication for anxiety and depression and could not function without it.

    If you've tried everything you can I really think you should be talking to your GP about medication and a referral to see someone. Your son needs a happy healthy mummy who lets him be himself. You have complained constantly about him not playing alone or appropriately yet that's exactly what he was doing when your anxiety caused you to yell at him. The poor little guy must be so confused.

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  11. #26
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    A part of me has to wonder if you really want anything to change for yourself? I also have anxiety/depression and have had pnd with my dd and still 7 years later struggle to connect with her. But I realize my issue and do continually seek help and try to change my way of thinking. So I can somewhat understand where you are coming from. But if you want things to change it starts with you wanting to change then those around you will also change for the better as you will be more relaxed, confident and happy.

    How long do you stay with a psychiatrist for before saying it isnt working or be on medication before giving up on that one?

    There is no easy solution or quick fix.
    Its great you are coming here to ask for help but you throw everything back in peoples faces and alot of us have been where you are and want to help.

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  13. #27
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    Unfortunately there is no magic solution to keep a child quiet in the car.

    Throw another baby or child in the car and it only gets worse.

    You'll need to find a way to deal with it or block out the noise, my kids are 9,7 and 4 and I can promise you they only get louder!

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  15. #28
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    I really hate driving and my toddler DS2 hates being in the car. He screams a lot. It usually ends up reducing my DS1 to tears because its so stressful. I don't let him use an iPad because I feel he is too little for that. We have bought DS1 and I a pair of ear mufflers from a hardware store. We also use noise cancelling headphones to listen to calming music. It sounds/looks crazy but I am not sure what else to do when your toddler is having a meltdown about wearing a seatbelt and you simply cannot turn off a highway safely at that point to deal with them. Driving is stressful at the best of times. Good luck! They definitely outgrow the screaming/yelling/tantruming in the car!

  16. #29
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    I have also asked multiple times if the OP is on meds to not be answered, and there is zero judgment on that bc I'm on them for my anxiety.

    I really have to agree with the others. Once again, this is normal toddler behaviour. Totally 100% normal. The issue here, and always has been, your anxiety and unrealistic expectations for your child. Nothing is ever going to change until you have insight into what is causing all of this. All that will happen is that you continue to hate parenting and you child grows to know you hate it.

    You need to get on meds ASAP OP. And if you are medicated it's time to change meds. As I've told you before, my husband also has bad anxiety and went through SIX different brands before he found Effexor worked for him. I'm trying not to be blunt, but we have all said the same things over and over. Rather than taking offence and not coming back, DO something about it. LISTEN to what we are saying to you - many of us have anxiety. It's debilitating, I get it bc I have it too, just different triggers. But until you get your meds under control and adjust your expectations your life and parenting experiences are just going to be Groundhog Day.

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  18. #30
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    And I will add, I'm no perfect parent. I yell. There are moments I want to hide in the closet with a vat of wine lol But once they outgrow toddler hood they then move on to being back chatting tweens and moody, cranky teens. I have a teen, a soon to be tween and a 2yr old. Parenting is bloody hard, it never stops being so, it just changes. My point here is that if you don't address the core issues here, you are going to forever hate parenting. The tantrums will become older kid tantrums but now with a valid argument/excuse . The yelling toddler becomes the yelling hormonal teen. It's not like they hit 3 and it's plain sailing.


 

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