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  1. #1
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    Default So sick of arguing with DH

    Does anyone else argue with their partner all the time? I'm just so sick of it! 2 days can't go by without us having an argument and I really just can't go on like this.

    Today it's an argument because I wanted to go have a look at a double stroller and he doesn't think we need one. I just wanted to look at one! I didn't want to buy one right there and then on the spot Cut to hours later and we've had a big blow up and are not speaking. It's always the stupidest things. He always acts like I'm wrong about everything. Everything I say, do, think, suggest, desire etc is wrong. He's always right and will talk down to me and then when I get sick of being talked down to and snap he gives me the silent treatment because I yelled at him.

    I've suggested counseling, he says he'll go but when it comes time to make an appointment he's not available. I just don't think his hearts in it anymore and truthfully I don't know if mine is either. I'm really and truly sick of this roller coaster we've gotten stuck on, up and down up and down, can't go two weeks just being happy before it all turns to $hit again.

    What are other people's relationships like? Do you argue all the time? Do you argue in front of your kids? Do you just stay and put up with it? Most of my friends say their relationships are the same after having kids, everything is an argument. Is this normal? I just keep thinking surely the grass must be greener on the other side?

  2. #2
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    We don't argue much at all tbh. We are on the same page with most stuff though. We've been together a long time (over 16 years) and we are just very used to each other - if we have an issue we are both able to express it without getting carried away or resorting to name-calling or hurtful jibes.

    I don't think either of us would tolerate being with an argumentative type - I don't roll that way and neither does he.

    My best friend on the other hand has been with her DH for 20 years and they argue daily! A lot of petty stuff too. Lots of things I just wouldn't bother making a fuss over.

    Some couples just grind each other's gears and aren't willing to let small irritations slide.

    I would continue to push for the counselling session. Best to try and turn things around before the relationship deteriorates to the point where you can't stand each other. Good luck.

  3. #3
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    We argue. Not an excessive amount, and not about petty things. But DH is not much of a talker, and until I feel that the issue at hand has been resolved properly I will tend to keep bringing it up. Things would be so much easier if he just buckled down and let me have my way!

  4. #4
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    We argue a little bit, but not all
    The time.

  5. #5
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    We don't argue, we 'discuss'...but never about what we are going to do for the day. Our discussions are usually about differences in opinion of the treatment and causes of mental illness.

    I can't remember the last argument we had. Usually on a day we are both home we spend one day at home doing nothing (his choice) and the next day out and about (my choice). Or we swap.

    I couldn't live with arguing all the time!

    That is not to say I don't get frustrated with him I do, but it doesn't boil into an argument.

    We did argue when we first got together, but it stopped after a few years.

    So I really don't have any advice although I feel for you as my ex and I used to argue all the time and it was exhausting.

  6. #6
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    No we definitely don't argue all the time. I would say we argue rarely. And even if we do it's generally respectful disagreement. In 7 years I can remember 2 truly upsetting arguments. At the heart of our relationship is a true desire that we want the other to be happy so we say yes more often than no and if something is achievable and make the other happy (like buying a double pram) then we support each other whatever it might be (study, sport, Work, hobbies, purchases etc). I personally wouldn't handle being spoken down to, excessive negativity or the silent treatment - I don't think that's healthy disagreement.
    Life's too short to be unhappy. You sound unhappy so something needs to change. Definitely try some counseling even if it's just for you as a starting point to work through whether you want to work on the marriage. If it turns out you do feel there is something worth salvaging then you can try and get your DH on board with counseling. If you do want to save the marriage then it will require work on both parts (starting with counseling). If DH is not willing to change, not willing to work on his part etc then you will need to make the decision as to whether you accept this life or leave.
    Hugs lovely. I've been through a divorce (with no kids involved) and it was horrible at the time but my life is incomparably better and my second marriage is healthy and respectful. I'm sorry you're facing these decisions and whatever happens I hope you find happiness xx

  7. #7
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    We argue, often over little thing. Sometimes it's every few days, sometimes it's a few months. I can only remember one time though (in 13 years) that we went to bed with it unresolved. Generally we acknowledge we were being ridiculous; that we were tired/upset/stressed/anxious and move on.

  8. #8
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    We argue all the time. He just doesn't damn listen!! I tend to ask him to do the same things over and over and then just explode and he acts all surprised that I've had enough. Drives me insane. He's always rushing as well and I can't deal with being rushed so that always causes issues.

  9. #9
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    We are like u guys, unfortunately.

    We argue a lot. Everything is a battle, even him just saying good morning when he wakes up, which he refuses to do. Unless you're working, you're not of value.

    I thought we had gotten to a good place but it seems we haven't.

  10. #10
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    We have bickered a lot in the past but have found being "managers" of our own "areas" cuts down a lot. So if I'm making lunch, I'm making it the way I want and only positive comments allowed. If I'm the one using the stroller (i.e. doing the bulk of the childcare) it would be my decision to buy it (obviously if money is not an issue). If partner is in charge of the outdoor maintenance then it's his and I don't comment or nag. Takes a lot of practise to retrain from old habits but it is working to cut down on petty bickering.


 

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