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  1. #11
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    What a hard choice. Happiness wins over money every time, but the non family friendly hours make it hard. What's the long term options for his current job? Is there potential for higher wage and/or better hours.
    30 years ago my dad walked away from his dream job to spend more time with his family. He went and worked in a job he hated for 20 years. He would still be there today except he lost his job. For the last decade he has worked in a job he loves. He is now facing redundancy, really close to retirement age...but so not ready to retire. He loves his job, but he still talks about the opportunity he gave up. Not in a negative way...he just talks about what his mate is up to (who stayed with the job). I really appreciate that my dad gave up his career dreams for me and my brother, but I also feel really bad for him that he worked 50 hours a week in a job he hated with a passion for 20 years. It's just so many wasted hours of his life. Both of my parents worked in jobs they hated, and we were raised to make sure we never did that to ourselves. I think in hindsight my parents would have chosen the less family friendly hours to have job satisfaction.
    Neither DH or I have a job with family friendly hours, but I don't think our kids are missing out at all. They're very happy and content in their lives, and DH and I have great relationships with our kids.

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  3. #12
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    Subbing, will reply soon, but DH has just returned from being away all week as a pilot in a remote location. So I want to spend some time with him. Believe me I understand your dilemma.

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    AceOfBase  (17-03-2017)

  5. #13
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    I won't go into it as it's too long and convoluted but I have a simple answer to your question.

    HAPPINESS.

    You'll scrape by. You'll find the money. You'll somehow work it out.

    If I could wind back the years when I thought money was more important I would in a heartbeat.

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    AceOfBase  (17-03-2017)

  7. #14
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    Of course happiness is the obvious answer but happiness comes from having money to an extent. Not rolling in it but just the ability to live and not stress about bills and unexpected expenses every time they come in. Financial stress is the biggest strain on relationships. Even bigger than work/life balance and infidelity.

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  9. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    Of course happiness is the obvious answer but happiness comes from having money to an extent. Not rolling in it but just the ability to live and not stress about bills and unexpected expenses every time they come in. Financial stress is the biggest strain on relationships. Even bigger than work/life balance and infidelity.
    Agreed. The years I was at uni and the years I was a SAHM prior to that we had a great family friendly lifestyle on paper. But the financial stress was huge and it did impact on our daily lives. We had no savings, and we were very aware of the fact we had no savings, no money for many extra activities etc. Yes we survived, and we did a lot of free activities. But kids just get more expensive as they get older, and, despite less family time overall, we have savings, we are nowhere near as stressed about money, can afford holidays with our kids...and we really make the most out of the time we have together, rather than taking it for granted.
    I have memories of my dad being home for dinner every night...which we sat and ate in front of the news. We only ever ate at the table if we had visitors. We get a family dinner once or twice a fortnight...but we sit at the table together 90% of the time as a not quite complete family, and 100% of the time when we're all home and talk and enjoy each other's company for a good hour. I had fantastic parents who sacrificed a lot for my brother and I, and created amazing memories for us...but the reality is it probably wouldn't have had a deep lasting impact if my dad wasn't eating dinner in front of the news with us every night because he was off chasing his career dreams.
    Last edited by Full House; 17-03-2017 at 20:21.

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  11. #16
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    Happiness. Every time.

    Question... I work in the industry.
    There is a global pilot shortage, so wouldn't he be very secure in his job right now (honest question no malice intended).

    Most of the pilots I know get paid pretty well after the hard yards are done.

    Also, I know lots of 'management' pilots. They work the majority of the time in the office doing policy & procedure. They still fly but nowhere near as much as what they would on the line. Perhaps he can look into that sort of work?? BeSt of both worlds almost.

    It took so long for him to get a CPL, it would almost be a shame to let all that study & prac hours lapse to go back to a desk job that he doesn't enjoy.

    Hope it works out OP

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  13. #17
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    Thank you all for your replies, it really means a lot. I’ve been saying from the start for DH to stay in his flying job. We can get by with his current wage, plus I’ll be going back to part-time work in a few months when I finish maternity leave. I prefer him to be happy over the money. I know my DH better than anyone and he would be miserable in his old office job. Been there, done that. I can’t believe he would even consider leaving after he’s been dreaming of becoming a pilot since he was 12, that’s nearly 30 years! He’s only been at the job for 3 years, so he is considered a junior which is why the pay is low. He would love to get promoted but this may take time, especially if there are other junior pilots who have been there longer than him. I remember him coming home from his office job saying that he would look out the window and get frustrated looking at the planes fly in the sky whilst he is stuck behind his PC. His office job was stressful and full on, but the people were good though, he’s kept in contact with a few of them.

    He has it in his head that if he leaves he can’t go back to flying. I don’t know how true this is. It is a competitive industry but he got in once I can’t understand why he couldn’t get in again in the future. Maybe he’s saying it’s impossible as a way to justify him staying and not returning to his office job. He’s so torn.

    But I get the whole lifestyle thing too. Today is a good example, he left home at 5am and is due home around 10pm. He also goes away with work, usually just overnight and other times 2 nights. Not every day is like this though. Yesterday he was on call and because he wasn’t needed he was able to spend the day with us.

    We are not silly with money, we get by without having to travel all the time or buy new cars, etc. DS1 will be going to high school next year, possibly at a non-government school and with DS2 going to childcare we will have some expenses coming up but I really believe it’s achievable on his current wage

    I can’t wait for DH to come home and for me to share your replies with him. Hearing your experiences, whether it’s been yourself or your parents’ careers, it’s such a wonderful insight. I truly thank you for sharing. He needs to make a decision soon, so reading your feedback will hopefully help him out, cos it’s driving him (and me) crazy
    Last edited by AceOfBase; 17-03-2017 at 20:03.

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  15. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    Happiness. Every time.

    Question... I work in the industry.
    There is a global pilot shortage, so wouldn't he be very secure in his job right now (honest question no malice intended).

    Most of the pilots I know get paid pretty well after the hard yards are done.

    Also, I know lots of 'management' pilots. They work the majority of the time in the office doing policy & procedure. They still fly but nowhere near as much as what they would on the line. Perhaps he can look into that sort of work?? BeSt of both worlds almost.

    It took so long for him to get a CPL, it would almost be a shame to let all that study & prac hours lapse to go back to a desk job that he doesn't enjoy.

    Hope it works out OP
    Thank you for your input @misho. The reason DH doesn't feel secure in his job is that it is only safe until his next check. He just returned from his simulator check and thankfully passed but if he failed then I'm guessing there is re-training and he would be suspended from flying until he passes a check? I'll have to ask him. I think that puts stress and pressure on him, but that is part of the job right. We all want our pilots to be on top of their game, they have our lives in their hands.

    His office job was like a 'management pilot', working with safety regulations, policies and procedures. It is still based in the aviation industry but his flying was limited. I believe he would have the opportunity to fly in his office job but obviously not as regular as his current job.

    You are sooooo right, it took him so long to achieve all his training - CPL, ATPL, Flight Instructor Rating, and probably many more that I can't keep track of that it is such a shame to give it all up just for some extra money. He's worked too hard to accomplish all this in the last 25 or so years that it makes me sad for him to think he's just going to give it away.

  16. #19
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    I feel like happiness is really important, but that has to be balanced with family time. If he's getting enough time with you guys and not missing everything due to work and you guys get by on the wage, then why would he go back??? We spend too much time at our jobs to be miserable!

    We have a similarish dilemma here at the moment. My hubby is self-employed and enjoys his work for the most part, and we get by on what he earns. But he's been offered this job that would be great money, but without the flexibility that he enjoys now and the possibility that he wouldn't actually enjoy it.

    He's been tossing up what to do, but I think we are actually going to change things completely and I will go back full time. It allows me to get more job satisfaction (that I can't really get part time) and I earn good money. He can do three days in the business and I will work full time.

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  18. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by AceOfBase View Post
    Thank you for your input @misho. The reason DH doesn't feel secure in his job is that it is only safe until his next check. He just returned from his simulator check and thankfully passed but if he failed then I'm guessing there is re-training and he would be suspended from flying until he passes a check? I'll have to ask him. I think that puts stress and pressure on him, but that is part of the job right. We all want our pilots to be on top of their game, they have our lives in their hands.

    His office job was like a 'management pilot', working with safety regulations, policies and procedures. It is still based in the aviation industry but his flying was limited. I believe he would have the opportunity to fly in his office job but obviously not as regular as his current job.

    You are sooooo right, it took him so long to achieve all his training - CPL, ATPL, Flight Instructor Rating, and probably many more that I can't keep track of that it is such a shame to give it all up just for some extra money. He's worked too hard to accomplish all this in the last 25 or so years that it makes me sad for him to think he's just going to give it away.
    But I guess if he's doing a bit of revision regularly then he won't really have an issue passing his checks??

    The guys who I see that don't pass/don't revise are generally the guys who have lost their passion for it, and it certainly doesn't sound like your DH is one of them.

    The seniority thing is the crappy bit, waiting for promotion& so forth. But it's one of those jobs that you don't just say 'hey, I got an atar/ter of 99.5, I might go become a pilot',rather it's a love of flying that draws you to it and then you work hard to achieve your goals.

    Hang in there, it's a great industry to be part of. And think of all those cheap holidays you can go on as a family!!!!

    Good luck with what ever he chooses to do

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