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  1. #11
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    I would never allow anyone to change my mind about having/not having a baby. The only people who would regret it later would be you and DH- don't let them change ur mind!

    $25000!! That's insane

    Fwiw, we moved away from family for work, but the upside for me was the fact we got rid of the emotional blackmail that MIL put on DH. Even though I'm alone here, it's worth it.

    Good luck x

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  3. #12
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    Out of curiousity how old is your MIL, how old are you, and how many weeks is she

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  5. #13
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    I just read an article on Facebook about adult child abuse.
    As in an adult child still being abused by their parents and this sounds like an example. Making him think he needs to give them money and support them was one of the examples. Hopefully u can move away and start fresh without them.

    Agree with other poster if they ask for anything again remind them that you have already spend 25 grand on them and can't afford more

  6. #14
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    Even though his parents are out of line, I'd be having a serious conversation with my DH if I was in this situation, because the bottom line is he is needing to change the type of relationship he has with his parents, and if that means cutting contact to bare minimum, then that's what I'd suggest. He has no obligation to help them financially if he is starting his own family, just wondering whether emotionally he will be ok with that? Might be hard to cut the family ties?

  7. #15
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    First thing I would do is make sure you and your DH are on the same page with regards to his family and YOUR resources - money, time, everything. It sounds like you are but before having your own baby, make absolutely sure, that you, as a team, are in agreement.
    You do not want to be working hard for your family, only to find your DH feels obliged to help them.

    Secondly, "no." is a complete sentence! If they ask/demand anything, just say no. You don't owe them a reason or an excuse as to why you won't be giving/lending anything.

    I like the suggestion from others about reminding them about their debt. If they push for more, remind them about what they owe.

    keep your distance. They have made choices in their life. Great! But not your responsibility.

    Finally, live your lives your way. Spoil your baby with as much love and affection and whatever "stuff" you see fit! You don't need to explain it to anyone, especially these resource suckers!

  8. #16
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    They sound horrible. Agree with the other posters. Don't change your decision based on them. Move interstate ASAP and put more distance between them and you.

    When you get pregnant, do not involve the in laws in decision making regarding prams/bassinet etc, I would go so far as not telling them. They won't find out if you live far enough away.

    definitely no more loans and if they ask, tell them this is how much they have borrowed, you can't afford anymore and would like to have it paid back.

    It's his parents decision to have a 10th baby. Not yours or your partners, they are adults, you shouldn't be supporting them at detriment to yourself.

    Goodluck!

  9. #17
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    Pine lime, your inlaws sound just like mine.

    They have 11 children and truly believe that because they brought them up, they now deserve to be compensated.

    Their rent is paid by their kids, they ask for money becuasue they are broke then use it to go on holiday.

    If the kids protest, FIL will say things like 'who drove you to footy all those years' and 'who saved you from drowning that day' they are awful.

    Funnily enough most of the children still support their parents in some way even though they have families of their own.

    My husband stopped talking to his parents years ago and has no regrets, yes it's sad but he can't stand the way his siblings are treated. It hasn't affected his relationship with his siblings which he is thankful for.

    Good luck to you and your husband. I know how tough it is. But he needs to put you first, he's done more than enough for them.

  10. #18
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    They sound like very toxic people to me. I was raised the same. To this day my 22 yr old sister sends me links of what she wants for her birthday and it's always $200 items, meanwhile i have my own mortgage and 2 children of my own. You need to put an end to this, do it for your husband and for your future baby.

    Please do not stop TTC, pretend like she does not exist and just go ahead with your family plans. And if you can then move to the other side of the country! Your baby will save you from this horrible situation. You and Husband will have something to focus on and other people will have to take the back seat.

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    I would go ahead with my baby plans, too.
    And if you can get DH on board, make up a repayment plan for the money they owe you, even if you aren't going to follow up on it.
    My bet is once they think you're serious about it then you won't see them for dust.

    Then move, far far away.
    A$$holes.

  12. #20
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    Default We had decided to ttc.. but MIL has just announced she is pregnant..

    I feel super bad for this, and Im super supportive of the OP if this is real, but I'm getting to be so cynical of potentially decisive posts being done by new people who don't come back online to update.

    I know people May not come online everyday and that this isn't a typical topic to have some one troll with, but it's really interesting and the longer it goes without an update the more unsure I get. Probably come down to me being impatient and nosy though I guess!

    On topic.....OP, I hope you can find a solution that allows you to create the family you and your husband deserve without having the in laws ruin the excitement
    Last edited by Lanabananah; 17-03-2017 at 14:41.

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