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  1. #61
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    Have you tried getting a smart trike (or something similar) for him?
    Mine has never enjoyed the pram but I sometimes find when I am at my wits end and he is being horrible I just say lets go for a walk. He likes to sit on his bike giving him more freedom and you can push him along. Calms both of us down and we both get some fresh air

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  3. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I'm sorry. Honestly I've sucked since the day he was born. He couldn't latch properly so i struggled to breastfeed, the nurses at the hospital told me I HAD to breastfeed even though my nipples were shredded. They finally gave me a pump hours after i asked & i literally sat up for the entire second night trying to pump & crying & didn't get much & they wouldn't help me. Then he woke up hungry & i tried to latch him but i was in agony & didn't have much pumped so i asked for formula & they told me I was harming my baby by giving him formula & to just 'toughen up'. It all went downhill from there.........
    You haven't sucked and you don't suck. From your posts it sounds like you have done everything in your power to ensure your son is well looked after. You just need to relax a little bit and not analyse every part of every day.

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  5. #63
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    Its hard work and it took me over a year to actually realise I am a good Mum. I remember feeling like everything I did wasnt right and every decision I made was the wrong one. I really hope you can get yourself some professional help to get you to a good place.

    I agree with other posters, pick your battles. Everything doesnt have to be a battle, it is usually the parents who make it one. Change your tact. Try making some games out of the boring stuff e.g ok time to change your nappy (put nappy on his head) is this where nappies go? What about here? (Put on arm etc ) where do nappies go? Usually that will get them laughing and more cooperative. Laughing dispereses the tension (and could be why he laughs when you tell him off, his way of coping to release emotions. My DD often does this too). Try give him choices, when the outcome doesnt matter rather than orders. Do you want to change your nappy on the bed or the floor. Do you want to go for quiet time before or after lunch. Do you want a nap or quiet time?

    As for consequences if he throws a toy, remove it. If he hits you, walk away etc. He will probably have a tantrum but thats ok. I would just say I can see your angry/frustrated/upset because of xyz but we dont hit/throw etc. Mum is here when you want a cuddle. They will still hit/throw toys/have tantrums but eventually it will get better. I would say my 3.5yr old is welll behaved and we have been putting in the hard yards re boundaries from about 18mths and today she hit her baby brother in the face with a drink bottle on purpose, hit me, had about 4 tantrums and was generally being a bit of a pain in the butt. There is no perfect and its just an ongoing job to remind them of the boundaries.

    The only time I would see something as 'a reward for bad behaviour' would be if he was tantruming about not being allowed TV but then you put it on anyway. Once they have a tantrum/do something undesirable is finished you need to let it go, its in the past and move on.
    Last edited by inner hippy; 16-03-2017 at 20:35.

  6. #64
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    You've had a lot of different suggestions in here, so I'm just throwing it out there - take it or leave it - have you considered seeing an OT for his behaviour? The reason I mention it is I have a child who was difficult from the day she was born. Bless her I love her to the moon and back, but she has always been hard work. Constant tantrums, screaming, hitting, throwing her plate of food across the room if she was annoyed, etc. I always felt that something wasnt quite right, & I took her to an OT and had her assessed, she has SPD & is now doing OT therapy - she is literally a different child. The OT we went to was expensive - around $600 for the first appointment and $140 per appointment after that - but worth every cent IMO & they dont all cost that much, & if you have PHI the cost of OT can be covered. If you feel like his behaviour is 'more' than the normal/ usual toddler behaviour, it might be worth giving it a go.

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  8. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    You've had a lot of different suggestions in here, so I'm just throwing it out there - take it or leave it - have you considered seeing an OT for his behaviour? The reason I mention it is I have a child who was difficult from the day she was born. Bless her I love her to the moon and back, but she has always been hard work. Constant tantrums, screaming, hitting, throwing her plate of food across the room if she was annoyed, etc. I always felt that something wasnt quite right, & I took her to an OT and had her assessed, she has SPD & is now doing OT therapy - she is literally a different child. The OT we went to was expensive - around $600 for the first appointment and $140 per appointment after that - but worth every cent IMO & they dont all cost that much, & if you have PHI the cost of OT can be covered. If you feel like his behaviour is 'more' than the normal/ usual toddler behaviour, it might be worth giving it a go.
    an OT is about the only professional i haven't tried yet. I didn't know they helped with this kind of thing! Do you think they could help us even if they don't think he has anything like SPD? I'll definitely look for one!

    I'm not sure how much our PHI would cover, I'll find out.

    This is getting so expensive. I'm about to get a sleep consultant out too at a cost of a few hundred dollars. Hopefully we can afford it all & that it helps!

  9. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    an OT is about the only professional i haven't tried yet. I didn't know they helped with this kind of thing! Do you think they could help us even if they don't think he has anything like SPD? I'll definitely look for one!

    I'm not sure how much our PHI would cover, I'll find out.

    This is getting so expensive. I'm about to get a sleep consultant out too at a cost of a few hundred dollars. Hopefully we can afford it all & that it helps!
    So then use the sleep consultant to your full advantage.

    Don't give up as soon as she leaves. if it works stick with it, no matter how much protesting or fights he puts up.

  10. #67
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    I think an OT is a great idea OP. You don't need to have a child with a formally recognised 'diagnosis' to see one and benefit from strategies around behaviour management. The other option is a child psychologist but more for you than your son, one that specialises in supporting parents.
    Re the throwing shoes at you, my DD would do something like that. Not intentionally trying to hurt me but trying to get a reaction. IMO that kind of thing doesn't need a consequence beyond saying hey do not throw things at mummy. In which case my dd would then grab anything in her reach to throw at me So ignoring and just calmly putting shoes away is probably the best option - no reaction, no comment = no attention, no gain = no point doing it again.
    I just wanted to say though that I don't think your son would see watching tv as a reward for whatever he has done unless you have framed tv watching as a reward which I don't think you have and he probably wouldn't understand yet anyway. If I plonked dd in front of the tv and walked away she certainly wouldn't see it as a reward but me reacting to little things would be a reward IYKWIM?
    I'll say this gently and i hope it makes sense but I think you are a bit fixated on what he might see as 'consequences' and 'rewards' and trying too hard to avoid the perception of a reward or consequence on things that he doesn't even have the capacity to understand. The 'consequence' of ignoring or distracting/redirecting is enough and isn't a reward in itself. A reward would be saying wow you're amazing great climbing let's do that again.
    He also doesn't need a 'punishment' for everything. My dd is a climber. She is only 20 months and climbs on our dining table. Freaks me out. Doesn't need a punishment as it wouldn't do anything anyway. Distraction, redirection and saying no is enough. If she falls off when I'm in another room that will be awful but I physically cannot be watching her every second of every day. I believe that there is no punishment/consequence at her stage of development that will stop her climbing on the table. Eventually it will lose its appeal and/or she will get better spatial awareness and won't fall off.
    A PP suggested a smart-trike and I would wholeheartedly agree. My dd hates the pram always has and we never use it anymore. We have a smart-trike and she loves going for a walk in that. She will even ask to go on her 'bike'. I take her around the block, up to the playground, or to the local IGA and she has never asked to get out of it.

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  12. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    an OT is about the only professional i haven't tried yet. I didn't know they helped with this kind of thing! Do you think they could help us even if they don't think he has anything like SPD? I'll definitely look for one!

    I'm not sure how much our PHI would cover, I'll find out.

    This is getting so expensive. I'm about to get a sleep consultant out too at a cost of a few hundred dollars. Hopefully we can afford it all & that it helps!
    Yes an OT definitely helps with behaviour, with or without a diagnosis. It would be good to research a good OT in your area - I stumbled across one who specialises in SPD & young children & was perfect for my DD - some are better with older kids & have different specialties, so it might be good to ask on social media about recommendations for your child.

    I was surprised how much OT helped with DD's behaviour - in a nutshell, our OT went right back to the basic sensory systems of sight, sound, taste, touch, smell, proprioceptor, and vestibular senses. She tested all the areas at a very basic level, & I left the first session thinking, 'how was that even helpful?' But then the 2nd session, she explained how the behaviour is a symptom of the sensory systems not functioning properly, and everything she tested showed how well my DD's sensory systems are functioning. It showed the areas DD struggles in, and how we could help her to function more effectively. The OT exercises are at a really basic level, but all lead to what we see in the child's behaviour. This is the very basic overview! OT is very practical. It might be worth looking into if you feel like your DS's behaviour is 'more' than what is the norm.

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    Default Laughing at me/caregiver when told off for misbehaving

    I genuinely feel that you should sort yourself out before you decide this is something that needs to be 'fixed' within him. If you get your anxiety under control and still have trouble with him, then by all means research into other options. But your posts have been this way since you were pregnant, I think this has more to do with you and your outlook on things then it has to do with him being a truly difficult child.

    I'm sorry if you think I am harsh or mean to you but I'm sad for you.

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  16. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I think you're putting a 'grown up' mentality behind his laughing. I doubt he's laughing because he's saying 'nah nah I'm getting away with this.' He's laughing because he is little and uncomfortable and doesn't know how to react.

    Have you found any books yet, many address reactions like this.

    Consequences. Like others said, it depends on what the problem is. Take the toy away, pick him up and remove him etc.

    The only type of time out that works for me is putting him in his room to 'play by himself.' Even then I have to persist with making him stay in there, once it works, whenever I go in to get him he is playing quietly and ready to have a cuddle, say sorry and move on. But it takes a few times of putting him in there before he stays.

    When I do time in I walk into another room and sit with him on my lap, holding him tightly until he calms down.

    All of it requires perseverance and repetition.

    But honestly, please find a parenting book or website that goes with you parenting style along with a book that explains development to you. There are heaps to follow on Facebook and the library usually has tons. I am finding all of your threads the same variation of each other and think the biggest help will be for you to actually read up on development and various parenting techniques and pick one you agree with.
    I've only skimmed through the replies but I really think this is a good idea to read up on this, it sounds like your taking the laughing personally, I don't mean to be critical, we all at times do this at times.
    You know how even some adults will burst out laughing in an awkward situation, where it is inappropriate, I think it's something you need to look at as more like a not knowing how to react so you get the laughing, not a direct defiance. You'll find information on this online, have a read, it might help.

    If your anxious at the time of discipline, the situation will likely escalate, so try removing yourself walk out, sit in your room/toilet wherever for a couple minutes, just to calm down, yes often the moment will have past, so it'll be too late for a consequence, so maybe just a gentle chat to say that wasn't nice, we don't do that and move on. You need to choose your battles or you'll wear yourself out.

    I found a lot of the text book discipline advice that worked well for my first child were counterproductive for my second. In both situations it really has come down to being consistent, nothing works immediately.

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