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  1. #31
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    The young mother version of myself , I would have thrown the shoe back at him. Now the grandmother version of myself, I would just take the shoes and put them away, and then not speak to the child until I calmed down. Perhaps move bedtime a bit earlier tonight. marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Thanks all. What are good consequences i can use for things like throwing his shoe at me?

    He did it because i asked him 4 times to take them off, then i told him to take them off. He doesn't like being told to do things so he took it off & threw it at me.

    I told him very firmly that we don't throw shoes at people & immediately put the shoes away.

    He didn't seem to care at all & loosing the shoes had no effect as he wasn't playing with them anyway. I had trouble thinking of a consequence for that.
    I would just ask him to pick up the shoes and give them to you nicely before he got to play/eat/whatever you were doing or about to do. He'll probably chuck a tantrum over it, though, so if it's too hard at that moment for you I'd just say 'don't throw shoes at mummy, that's not nice' and move on. He'll still grow up and be well adjusted and well behaved if you let things go every now and then for your own mental well being.

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    Thanks everyone!

    And how on earth do I get him to cooperate when tired? I am still big time struggling with the lack of naps, his behaviour becomes a complete nightmare. For example, i just got kicked in the face because he refused to let me change his nappy so i had to hold him down & do it. He got his leg free & i wasn't quick enough

    I've taken him out all morning to wear him out, yet we get home & he just becomes this feral little monster. The behaviour without a nap is just impossible & it's not getting any easier. He WIILL NOT nap anymore mostly.

    When overtired he laughs at everything I say, won't stop doing anything, won't let me even sit down for 1 minute - all of this 100 times worse than normal. I'm exhausted.
    Last edited by allatsea; 16-03-2017 at 13:12.

  5. #34
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    If his behaviour is not ok without a nap - then he still needs one. And its up to you to make sure he gets it. As hard as it is ... he isnt going to do it on his own.

    Remember - sleep breeds more sleep, so if he sleeps properly during the day, he will sleep better at night too, and then might sleep better the next day, and the next day. Eventually it does become a pattern and his overall behaviour will improve.

    My suggestion would be, set aside a good few days and be prepared to do whatever it takes to get him to nap. Dont have other stuff that you have to do - take the time to sort this one out. Take him to the park in the morning ... but not for too long. He doesnt need to be exhausted, just a normal amount of energy used up. Go home before he gets too tired and do whatever it takes, lay down with him, read him a story, sing songs ... whatever to get him to sleep. If he gets up, put him back to bed. If he cries, put him back to bed ... anything.

    You will need to work on it consistently over a number of days - once they get out of the habit its hard to get back into ... so keep at it.

    A lot of his behaviour seems to me to be simply a reaction to being overtired and over extended - so once you sort out his sleep, it seems likely that his overall behaviour will improve and you can start to work on some of the other stuff then.


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    Quote Originally Posted by BH-KatiesMum View Post
    If his behaviour is not ok without a nap - then he still needs one. And its up to you to make sure he gets it. As hard as it is ... he isnt going to do it on his own.

    Remember - sleep breeds more sleep, so if he sleeps properly during the day, he will sleep better at night too, and then might sleep better the next day, and the next day. Eventually it does become a pattern and his overall behaviour will improve.

    My suggestion would be, set aside a good few days and be prepared to do whatever it takes to get him to nap. Dont have other stuff that you have to do - take the time to sort this one out. Take him to the park in the morning ... but not for too long. He doesnt need to be exhausted, just a normal amount of energy used up. Go home before he gets too tired and do whatever it takes, lay down with him, read him a story, sing songs ... whatever to get him to sleep. If he gets up, put him back to bed. If he cries, put him back to bed ... anything.

    You will need to work on it consistently over a number of days - once they get out of the habit its hard to get back into ... so keep at it.

    A lot of his behaviour seems to me to be simply a reaction to being overtired and over extended - so once you sort out his sleep, it seems likely that his overall behaviour will improve and you can start to work on some of the other stuff then.

    Believe me I would LOVE for him to have a nap.

    Every day i have off i take him out somewhere in the morning, usually leaving around 9 & aim to be home by about 11. Then we read books together quietly etc, have quiet playtime & have lunch.

    Then i take him into his room at about 1pm & get him ready for bed. I've literally spent the entire afternoon trying to make him sleep before. Nothing seems to work.

    I can't stay in the room with him otherwise he becomes completely ridiculous - jumping on me, jumping on the bed, yelling, throwing things etc. Getting more & more hyped up & WILL NOT stop. He refuses to let me lie with him or hold him or rock him anymore.

    So mostly i just leave him to it (if he's not upset obviously) & hope he'll go to sleep. He never does. He usually destroys something in his bedroom instead.

    Never has & obviously never will sleep in the pram. Very very rarely sleeps in the car. Has never been worn & i can't start as he weighs 16kgs & i have a chronic neck issue.

    So i don't really have any option except to give up with naps.

    I'm just really struggling to cope with the ramifications of that

    Edit: currently sitting with him while he repeatedly squeals, jumps around, yells and generally attention seeks........And just left him because he bit me. Omg this afternoon will be hell on earth. I can't cope with afternoons anymore.
    Last edited by allatsea; 16-03-2017 at 14:31.

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    I get having a kid who just will not nap despite desperately needing it. I had two of them. Didn't matter what I did, they wouldn't sleep. One of those is a teenager...can go to a sleep over party, not sleep at all, and make it through the whole next day. The ability to stay awake in that one is incredible. The other non napper...hit about 4 and would say 'I'm tired, can I go to bed?' so weird!
    Anyway...I found we just had to have a home day to recharge batteries. We didn't go out. We didn't do anything overly structured at home. I'd bake/cook/clean and chill whilst said child would go about their day doing whatever. There was no running around or burning off heaps of energy at a park - it was a day of recharging batteries. A much needed day every week. I used to strip the room of as much as possible and had quiet time. Yes, things would be pulled apart...but it gave me the break I needed to get through the rest of the day.
    I know that you're not wanting your child to watch tv, and I fully respect that...but if becomes too much, consider a movie for that one particular inside quiet day of the week. It's an hour and a half of chilling out. You can either watch it with him and make it a bonding moment, or you can leave him to it and have time to yourself. Or you can not have it at all of course...I just found it to be such a life saver for my own sanity through these stages of life and it hasn't become a big part of their lives at all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Believe me I would LOVE for him to have a nap.

    Every day i have off i take him out somewhere in the morning, usually leaving around 9 & aim to be home by about 11. Then we read books together quietly etc, have quiet playtime & have lunch.

    Then i take him into his room at about 1pm & get him ready for bed. I've literally spent the entire afternoon trying to make him sleep before. Nothing seems to work.

    I can't stay in the room with him otherwise he becomes completely ridiculous - jumping on me, jumping on the bed, yelling, throwing things etc. Getting more & more hyped up & WILL NOT stop. He refuses to let me lie with him or hold him or rock him anymore.

    So mostly i just leave him to it (if he's not upset obviously) & hope he'll go to sleep. He never does. He usually destroys something in his bedroom instead.

    Never has & obviously never will sleep in the pram. Very very rarely sleeps in the car. Has never been worn & i can't start as he weighs 16kgs & i have a chronic neck issue.

    So i don't really have any option except to give up with naps.

    I'm just really struggling to cope with the ramifications of that

    Edit: currently sitting with him while he repeatedly squeals, jumps around, yells and generally attention seeks........And just left him because he bit me. Omg this afternoon will be hell on earth. I can't cope with afternoons anymore.
    Is 1pm too late? Is he over tired by then? When DD was 1.5-3 she napped 12-3. Perhaps try moving nap time to 11 or 12. At the moment DS (who is 19 months) has lunch 10-10:30 and naps from 11-2.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bezzy View Post
    Is 1pm too late? Is he over tired by then? When DD was 1.5-3 she napped 12-3. Perhaps try moving nap time to 11 or 12. At the moment DS (who is 19 months) has lunch 10-10:30 and naps from 11-2.
    I'm not sure. I've always struggled to read his tired signs, they have always been minimal.

    When he was napping, nap time was 1pm for over a year & it worked well. It used to be 11 & then he just started refusing to go to sleep so we gradually moved it to 1pm & it worked well.

    I've tried making it later but it makes no difference.

    Haven't tried making it earlier. I can try 12.30 tomorrow & see how we go
    Last edited by allatsea; 16-03-2017 at 15:23.

  13. #39
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    maybe he is just constantly over stimulated. ? you have him at daycare through the week and you have one day at home?? I think if you are trying to wear him out and get him so tired he will sleep, might be working in the wrong direction. Have you tried to have a quite day at home, and see if he can chill out and maybe sleep. ?? marie.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    maybe he is just constantly over stimulated. ? you have him at daycare through the week and you have one day at home?? I think if you are trying to wear him out and get him so tired he will sleep, might be working in the wrong direction. Have you tried to have a quite day at home, and see if he can chill out and maybe sleep. ?? marie.
    He's at daycare 3 days & with me for two.

    I can definitely try it.

    On rainy days, times I've been sick etc & we've just stayed home i have found he is constantly waiting for me to entertain him. But then everything i suggest just gets thrown back at me (literally usually). So I'm not sure.


 
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