+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18
  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,118
    Thanks
    2,008
    Thanked
    1,554
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I am so sorry you are going through this.

    Honestly there are only two options- completely disengage, and risk losing your niece and nephew, OR continue on the path you have with her rolling over you when she feels like it.

    She won't accept anything less than complete control (and though I am loathe to say it, they are her kids and she does get to decided these things- it's not fair on you or them) and you just agreeing with the limits she insists on.

    I would message only about seeing the kids from now on-
    are kids free over easter? can they come here for a few days?
    are kids free this weekend?
    etc

    <3

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to DT75 For This Useful Post:

    Summer  (17-03-2017)

  3. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    1,012
    Thanks
    927
    Thanked
    416
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by SuperGranny View Post
    hi summer, can you contact the children directly.? facebook? or mobile phones? I would maybe just keep the communication open with your niece and nephew, and leave your sister alone. They are soon reaching an age for independent decision making, I don't mean they will soon be adult, but I think they will be able to tell you what is happening in their lives and they can invite you. Don't try to reconcile with your sister unless you really want to, I would focus on the children and your relationship with them. hugs, marie
    Agree with this.. your niece and nephew are lucky to have you

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to yadot For This Useful Post:

    Summer  (17-03-2017)

  5. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    1,426
    Thanks
    12,394
    Thanked
    5,071
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Thank you everyone. I've just worked out all the holiday dates & sent my sister a text asking if the kids were free for two nights on X dates & if we could take them away for a short holiday (as we have done for years).

    So I'll see what she comes back with. After six weeks of zero contact I've got no idea what is in her head so I'm hoping she is fine with us still having a relationship with the kids.

    You're right @SuperGranny they will be getting to an age where we can contact them directly & I'll start getting that in place as well. We are really close with them & they adore my DH who is awesome with kids so I think they'll be open to contact & will let me know about anything they would like us to come to.

    My sister might not like us bypassing her though so I'll play it by ear for the moment & see what develops. I'm not going to be the pushover I have been, but will engage in a polite relationship for the kids if my sister will do that.

    I'll let you know what happens. Thanks guys, hugs xxxxx

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Summer For This Useful Post:

    BlondeinBrisvegas  (18-03-2017)

  7. #14
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    219
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    108
    Reviews
    0
    Any chance you can reach out to her hubby ? or your hubby reach out to her hubby to see what he says ? Hugs to you

  8. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    1,426
    Thanks
    12,394
    Thanked
    5,071
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    So an update.

    You can't win with a narcissist. They are cruel, nasty, play games, and punish.

    Because I dared to say that I was upset and hurt from being excluded and needed some space, my sister has now decided that the kids can no longer stay overnight with us. And we take them away for holidays a couple of times a year, this is not a new thing, we always have them for overnight stays. She is just doing this to be mean and cruel.

    I can't have children, so these kids mean everything to me and she knows that. When we go away with my DH and my niece and nephew and my step-son it's the only time I feel like i have a family of my own, that it's not just DH's family and me as the step-mum. It feels like I have something that is a little bit mine too. And now she's taken that away from me.

    And as narcissists do, they blame everyone else. I got upset when she said I can't have the kids and I told her she was nasty and cruel. And she said that I needed to get help. Well I have a therapist and have had for years and she tells me I am one of the most balanced, resilient, emotionally mature people she has ever met. That yes, I have grief and have been through a lot, but that I am really OK and I have some very toxic people around me.

    I hate that I am always seen as the one who is wrong and needs help. She has never seen a psychologist in her life because she is perfect, yet I have been the one to seek guidance (probably because I've been told I'm so wrong all my life) and have done a lot of work on myself to become emotionally intelligent and healthy.

    Narcissists are the most cruel, hateful people - I can't believe she is going to deliberately destroy me by keeping the kids away. It is the lowest form of abuse and I just don't know what to do.

  9. #16
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,533
    Thanks
    5,300
    Thanked
    3,065
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    That is so very harsh. I am sorry for you. I hope you can manage to re connect with the children when they are older and more independant from their mothers influence. So totally selfish of your sister. hugs, marie.

  10. #17
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    4,672
    Thanks
    3,674
    Thanked
    3,958
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'm sorry Hun. I know it hurts like hell but you have to let it go. You can't change her and she has the kids.

  11. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    1,012
    Thanks
    927
    Thanked
    416
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Agree there's nothing you can do.

    But, what if she's just trying to hurt you right now? Maybe she'll change her mind in the future?

    In my experience these kind of people usually change their minds if there's something in it for them. So if she wants a break from her children, or if they're asking her to spend time with you guys it might benefit her to let you take them for a couple of days?

    Hopefully it'll blow over, she'll change her mind and you can spend time with them again.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Little sister issues - need to vent
    By littlelove in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 22-03-2013, 14:31
  2. Wwyd - Mil issues
    By misho in forum Issues with Family Members
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 28-02-2013, 12:05
  3. wwyd - SIL issue
    By Raylin Park in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 21-03-2012, 00:26
  4. WWYD sleep issue
    By BlissedOut in forum 'No Cry' Sleeping Solutions
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 24-01-2012, 20:34

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
ProSwimProSwim runs learn to swim classes for babies, children and adults. Our indoor centre in Plympton Park has lessons all ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›