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  1. #1
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    Default Worried about my kids safety and wellbeing

    Need some advice.
    (Sorry for the long post but please bare with me)
    Have some concerns for the welfare and safety of my kids...
    To put a long story short: I've been separated for 2 years. The ex now has another live in partner.  We have our own agreement on share custody, two week each depending on his work.
    My two girls (11 &8) will often say to me how much they get picked on at their dads, especially my eldest. She's always to  blame even if the youngest has done something she shouldn't have.
    He'll yell at her, call her a little b!@#$, a lying little cow, gather the things that mean the most to her and throw them in the bin. He'll grab her and drag her to her room if she tries to stand up for herself and lock her in.
    She became desperate a few weeks ago and tried to climb out her bedroom window and run down to a relatives place not far from where they were but he chased after her, grabbed her by the arm and dragged her back to her room...
    She told me the other day that he was yelling at her and saying he didn't want her around anymore and that he's sick of her trying to ruin his life. He blames the kids if he and the new partner have a fight and tells them that if she leaves it'll be because of them!
    Every time i confront him about what's going on  he denies it and says she's lying and likes to make up stories... he makes himself the victim and says she's nothing but nasty to him all the time...
    I know my kids and i know what he's like! He did the same to me when we were together...
    I've threatened to call the police next time it happens but then he went ballistic and told me he was feeling threatened by my accusations...
    He alwasy plays mr nice guy in public but it's what happens behind closed doors that terrifies  me, and now the kids!
    This is also affecting my youngest who will often hide in her room and cry herself to sleep because she can't stand listening to what is happening to her sister....
    What do i do now?? Where do i go to from here! I need to ensure their safety but not sure where to go first!
    Any advice greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
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    It's abuse.
    Personally, I'd document everything, contact the police to make a report, contact your child protection body (police would be required to do this too) and refuse to send them to their dad's.

    Then I'd keep copies/document all correspondence with him.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Renn For This Useful Post:

    TheGooch  (14-03-2017)

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Renn View Post
    It's abuse.
    Personally, I'd document everything, contact the police to make a report, contact your child protection body (police would be required to do this too) and refuse to send them to their dad's.

    Then I'd keep copies/document all correspondence with him.
    This.

    In addition get your kids into see a psych.

    Not only do they need counselling it is also a 3rd party who can document what is going on.

    Hugs.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to twinklify For This Useful Post:

    TheGooch  (14-03-2017)

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    I'd love to be able to refuse to send them back but I'm honestly terrified of the repercussions that will happen if i don't...
    I know i have to think of my girls but he can be one nasty person! They've been through so much and they're just getting on top of things and starting to flourish (until this happens)... I'm ashamed to say i need help in doing that...😔
    I can certainly report him but am terrified of what will happen when i refuse to send them back to him....pathetic i know. I get so angry at myself for not being able to protect my kids....but I'm so scared of him....and now that he has another partner that seems to see the sun shine out of him, he's got even more confidence than i do...( well he never lost it really....)

    Should i get the kids to see a psych first?

  7. #5
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    We withheld the children as they were in danger. BUT we did it in the most legal way possible- we sought legal advice, got them to draft an email and planned the withholding. On the afternoon we gained the kids into our care, we sent the mum the email from the lawyer stating that we were planning to withhold the children and were lodging an urgent hearing with the court. We were warned by the lawyer that the mum could send the police around however due to the custody arrangements not being court ordered, the police could not remove them from the fathers care without a recovery order. Luckily she didn't bother and we just saw her in court.

    If your children are in danger please protect them as they are too young to do this themselves. They are old enough to speak to an independent children's lawyer and have their wishes taken into account.

    However be aware this is a Costly process. We would do it all again if we had to though- the kids are in a far better and happier place and they now know that violence is not the norm.

  8. #6
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    Similar stuff happened when my kids used to stay at their dads place. Hes now living overseas and it's a great feeling.

    I would be getting to a lawyer and mediation asap and maybe even get dhs to his door. Kids shouldnt be forced to see the other parent if they're scared or uncomfortable.

    Hopefully he leaves you and your kids alone itd be the best thing he ever did.

  9. #7
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    And as others have said document every and get the kids into some theropy etc and have it all documented if it goes to couurt it will work in your favor

  10. #8
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    How are you going Op?


 

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