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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I care if he rips my work uniform while pretending to fall when I'm changing his nappy........

    I don't know how to treat my anxiety. I've seen so many different psychs & all it ever is is 'do some mindfulness or meditation each day'. Ok, great, but when do I have the time to practice that anytime, let alone being able to go & meditate when he's tantrumming & my anxiety has gone through the roof - I have to look after him, I can't just go into another room by myself with headphones on to calm down. Meditation occasionally in the evening when I get time is doing nothing at all. So I'm currently exploring my options.
    Have you tried medication? It really sounds like the anxiety is ruling you and your sons lives.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I care if he rips my work uniform while pretending to fall when I'm changing his nappy........

    I don't know how to treat my anxiety. I've seen so many different psychs & all it ever is is 'do some mindfulness or meditation each day'. Ok, great, but when do I have the time to practice that anytime, let alone being able to go & meditate when he's tantrumming & my anxiety has gone through the roof - I have to look after him, I can't just go into another room by myself with headphones on to calm down. Meditation occasionally in the evening when I get time is doing nothing at all. So I'm currently exploring my options.
    Have you been seeing psychologists or psychiatrists?

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by twinklify View Post
    What have you tried?
    When he lashed out I firmly but calmly said 'we don't hit/kick/whatever. It hurts'. He always ignored me & escalated so I would then gently but firmly hold his arms or legs or whatever. So then he'd just try something else - like if he was hitting so I held his arms he'd start kicking. So then I'd hold his arms & legs & then he'd headbutt me etc. So then id just walk away until he stopped.

    It never had any effect.

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I care if he rips my work uniform while pretending to fall when I'm changing his nappy........

    I don't know how to treat my anxiety. I've seen so many different psychs & all it ever is is 'do some mindfulness or meditation each day'. Ok, great, but when do I have the time to practice that anytime, let alone being able to go & meditate when he's tantrumming & my anxiety has gone through the roof - I have to look after him, I can't just go into another room by myself with headphones on to calm down. Meditation occasionally in the evening when I get time is doing nothing at all. So I'm currently exploring my options.
    Seriously. Do you reread your posts or ever reflect on your attitude or words? It's been 3 years of the same posts and troubles. I have never once seen you write anything happy or good about him or motherhood. Your issues with him have to do with you. Not him. You want to find dealing with him easier? Work on yourself. Have you tried medication since 'nothing else or works?' Safe to assume you will also say that doesn't work?

    In the past 3 years, your whole day with him, he has never napped or your husband has never been home or he has never played quietly with a toy or watched a show for you to do whatever exercises your psych has given you?

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  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    This!! OP I don't know a toddler who doesn't behave like this. Yes it can be frustrating but you aren't going to turn him into a compliant angle so I think you need to address your anxieties and let a few things slide.
    I agree but violent behaviour should not be allowed.

    Always address it. But it will not stop straight away.

    The thing OP needs to find out is what works for her DS.

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  9. #26
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    My husband is gone 11 1/2 hours a day 5 days a week. He didn't sleep for the first 6 months of his life, after sleep school he did sleep & I tried some then. Now he won't sleep again.

    I've tried medication. So far I haven't found one that actually allows me to look after my son, the side effects have been so bad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    When he lashed out I firmly but calmly said 'we don't hit/kick/whatever. It hurts'. He always ignored me & escalated so I would then gently but firmly hold his arms or legs or whatever. So then he'd just try something else - like if he was hitting so I held his arms he'd start kicking. So then I'd hold his arms & legs & then he'd headbutt me etc. So then id just walk away until he stopped.

    It never had any effect.
    Maybe try time out. Basically that is just ignoring the behaviour. And if it has lasted this long it will take longer to fix.

    What does he do with his dad?

  11. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    My husband is gone 11 1/2 hours a day 5 days a week. He didn't sleep for the first 6 months of his life, after sleep school he did sleep & I tried some then. Now he won't sleep again.

    I've tried medication. So far I haven't found one that actually allows me to look after my son, the side effects have been so bad.
    Have they been prescribed by your GP or a psychiatrist? It sounds like you need to find yourself a psychiatrist who you can build a relationship with and who can help you find the right medication for you. My DH is a psychiatrist and I know from what he says it can take a few goes to find just the right medication and dosage for you.

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  13. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    My husband is gone 11 1/2 hours a day 5 days a week. He didn't sleep for the first 6 months of his life, after sleep school he did sleep & I tried some then. Now he won't sleep again.

    I've tried medication. So far I haven't found one that actually allows me to look after my son, the side effects have been so bad.
    Start meds on a weekend (sometimes at night helps as you sleep through some of it). A long weekend where you can - or get your DH home for a day or two.

    By the 3rd or 4th day at most the worst of side effects are over.

    Start on small doses. The side effects are smaller. And increase after a week until you have a good level of meds.

    You cannot give up after a week as it does not work like that.

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  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    My husband is gone 11 1/2 hours a day 5 days a week. He didn't sleep for the first 6 months of his life, after sleep school he did sleep & I tried some then. Now he won't sleep again.

    I've tried medication. So far I haven't found one that actually allows me to look after my son, the side effects have been so bad.
    My husband is also gone 12 hours a day 5 days a week. My 9 month old doesn't sleep. Ds1 didn't sleep the first 17 months of his life. It is effing hard. But it is going to remain even harder until you get yourself sorted.

    I'm not saying it's ok that he is aggressive, I'm saying you will continue to struggle with everything about him you find difficult and he will continue acting out until you get yourself help and are in position to be calm and consistent with him.

    Go see a psychiatrist and stick with it. Stop throwing your hands in the air and claiming that nothing works.

    I'm sorry I'm being harsh but it's been 3 years. We all find it hard, some harder than others because we have mental illness. It's our responsibility to sort it out, not our children's responsibility to stop being children because we can't cope.

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