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  1. #11
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    What have you tried?

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    @allatsea

    I know a lot of us (including me) have previously mentioned that your boy sounds like a normal little kid and that you need to get your anxiety sorted.

    I confess I'm probably a bit quick to dismiss your problems.

    However, I am finding this thread alarming. It is not normal for a 2.5 year old to hit or kick you every nappy change (or putting on sunscreen) and it is unacceptable to put up with that.

    Resistiveness and non compliance is normal, tantrums is normal, but hurting you and taking his out his frustration on you- not on. Have you explained his behaviour to a paed? Or spoken to his childcare teachers? What's he like with your dh? I just don't understand why he's like this with you all the time but not at daycare- I'm a bit confused?
    I disagree. My son has behaved this way for nappy changes before. He usually does it when I am being pretty anxious/short/frustrated with him and/or he is overtired from nursery or has been too bored from me being busy with the baby.

    OP. Have you gone to look for any parenting/discipline books that suit your parenting style? Have you done anything about your anxiety and attitude? I guarantee he is like this with you because of your anxiety/vibe you are sending out and/or because you are not consistent with him. I really think this is all more about you rather than him and you are going to struggle with his behavior and 'toddlerness' just as you struggled with his baby years until you get help for yourself and change your outlook and behavior. When my son misbehaves like this 8/10 times it is because of something I am doing (or not doing). Bored because we've had to stay home all day because of weather or the baby is unwell. Attention seeking because I have been busy with the baby or been on my phone or computer too much. Acting out because he is picking up on my anxiety and I am not being patient with him. Etc. etc. Then sometimes it is because he is tired or doesn't feel well.

    Not everything is a catastrophe that means you can never leave the house/change a nappy/have fun/etc. It's not the end of the world if he pees on carpet. And quite honestly, who cares if he bounces around or pretends to fall while he puts on his nappy. He's a child and he's playing! If he's done a poo and won't hold still then turn on the tv or give him your phone for the 2 minutes it takes you to clean him up. He is a child. Get help for yourself and enjoy him.

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  4. #13
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    Default Changing an active toddler's nappy when they are throwing themselves around/d...

    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I disagree. My son has behaved this way for nappy changes before. He usually does it when I am being pretty anxious/short/frustrated with him and/or he is overtired from nursery or has been too bored from me being busy with the baby.

    OP. Have you gone to look for any parenting/discipline books that suit your parenting style? Have you done anything about your anxiety and attitude? I guarantee he is like this with you because of your anxiety/vibe you are sending out and/or because you are not consistent with him. I really think this is all more about you rather than him and you are going to struggle with his behavior and 'toddlerness' just as you struggled with his baby years until you get help for yourself and change your outlook and behavior. When my son misbehaves like this 8/10 times it is because of something I am doing (or not doing). Bored because we've had to stay home all day because of weather or the baby is unwell. Attention seeking because I have been busy with the baby or been on my phone or computer too much. Acting out because he is picking up on my anxiety and I am not being patient with him. Etc. etc. Then sometimes it is because he is tired or doesn't feel well.

    Not everything is a catastrophe that means you can never leave the house/change a nappy/have fun/etc. It's not the end of the world if he pees on carpet. And quite honestly, who cares if he bounces around or pretends to fall while he puts on his nappy. He's a child and he's playing! If he's done a poo and won't hold still then turn on the tv or give him your phone for the 2 minutes it takes you to clean him up. He is a child. Get help for yourself and enjoy him.
    I agree with most of what you've written and that my both dds went through a stage of being difficult with nappy changes - dd2 is still in it now at 16 months. I have to shut her in the bathroom and wrestle her for nappy changes, and have switched to nappy pants to make it easier. And I never attempt to change her immediately after waking. But at 2.5 years? Kicking several times in the face? With EVERY nappy change? No way in hell would I tolerate that. I find that he's doing that to the op alarming.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 09-03-2017 at 16:21.

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    I too think he sounds like a normal little boy who ha got away with some cheeky behaviour and worked out that he doesn't have to do what he is told and perhaps enjoys getting a reaction out of mum. OP I think getting your anxiety under control will allow you to be firm and not let the toddler rule the households and spoil your enjoyment of the toddler years.

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  7. #15
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    I dont know of a child that doesn't act worse just for mum and nobody else.
    The big thing to look st is how long do you follow a routine for? If you just give up after one or days/tries then there is no point trying at all.

    My ds has been shocking the last few months. So I have finally started to relax and sit and engage with him and im finally seeing vast improvement in his behaviour.
    What parenting style do you want to follow? Sometimes we need to change our own attitude for others to change as well

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    My DD was rough and would kick and bite me when she was younger. I started saying "OW" loudly and "we don't hurt Mummy" very sternly and then putting her on the floor if she was on my lap, or putting her in her room if she came up and bit me while I was cooking dinner etc. After a few minutes I would console her, but reinforce with her that hurting Mummy was not nice. It was a long battle, but over time her behaviour improved.

    So if I got kicked while changing a nappy, I'd say "Ow, we don't hurt Mummy" and hold his legs down the first time. If he did it again, I'd repeat "Ow, we don't hurt Mummy" and get up and walk away. If he has an accident on the floor, so be it. You're not doing yourself or him and favours by continuing to fight with the nappy after the first couple of kicks.

    OP, while I think the behaviours you describe in your threads are normal for the age, he has all the power in your relationship. It sounds like you have given up on a lot of things as "nothing worked" and he now gets away with all the difficult behaviour. If you want his behaviour to change, you need to be willing to do the hard work to get there and be consistent in your approach. Pick something, whether it be time out or whatever approach you want and stick with it for a minimum of 2 weeks before deciding it doesn't work. Children learn by repetition and consistency. You can't try something a few times and decide it doesn't work.

    Do you get worked up when his happens? It's natural to get cross when they hurt us, but you need to keep as calm as possible. If you get worked up, he will feed off that and it becomes a vicious cycle.

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  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I agree with most of what you've written and that my both dds went through a stage of being difficult with nappy changes - dd2 is still in it now at 16 months. I have to shut her in the bathroom and wrestle her for nappy changes, and have switched to nappy pants to make it easier. And I never attempt to change her immediately after waking. But at 2.5 years? Kicking several times in the face? With EVERY nappy change? No way in hell would I tolerate that. I find that he's doing that to the op alarming.
    2.5 was one of the worst times with my son. Add days that I had anxiety on top of that and it was super difficult. She's only just started putting him back in nappies after giving up on potty training a day or two ago.

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    I care if he rips my work uniform while pretending to fall when I'm changing his nappy........

    I don't know how to treat my anxiety. I've seen so many different psychs & all it ever is is 'do some mindfulness or meditation each day'. Ok, great, but when do I have the time to practice that anytime, let alone being able to go & meditate when he's tantrumming & my anxiety has gone through the roof - I have to look after him, I can't just go into another room by myself with headphones on to calm down. Meditation occasionally in the evening when I get time is doing nothing at all. So I'm currently exploring my options.

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    I have read a number of your posts @Allastea, as my DS is the same age & it seems your DS just knows how to push all your buttons, I am not saying this to upset you but my DS was very much likely yours until I started putting boundaries down. If he wants to do something he has to do whatever it is I have asked him to do first, whether it be go to toilet, get dressed ect. And at this age try and make everything into a game. And if he is in the middle of a game or something but needs to go to the toilet if he doesn't go the game gets put away ect. I know it's tough just remember you are the parent. You will get there all the very best.

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    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGolightly81 View Post
    I really think this is all more about you rather than him and you are going to struggle with his behavior and 'toddlerness' just as you struggled with his baby years until you get help for yourself and change your outlook and behavior.

    Not everything is a catastrophe that means you can never leave the house/change a nappy/have fun/etc. It's not the end of the world if he pees on carpet. And quite honestly, who cares if he bounces around or pretends to fall while he puts on his nappy. He's a child and he's playing! If he's done a poo and won't hold still then turn on the tv or give him your phone for the 2 minutes it takes you to clean him up. He is a child. Get help for yourself and enjoy him.

    This!! OP I don't know a toddler who doesn't behave like this. Yes it can be frustrating but you aren't going to turn him into a compliant angle so I think you need to address your anxieties and let a few things slide.


 

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