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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by chameleon View Post
    I've been to both open days. He hasn't, but the school he wants to send her to is the one he went to (which is private.) We will do all the open days this year again...

    I'm doing up a bit of a pros and cons list, but I don't know if it will make much of a difference because what he looks for in a school is different to what I am looking for.

    He wants to send her to the school he went to, as it is very religious and he wants her to be with peers who are all Christian, and he tells me all the families will be "better". I'm not religious, so I don't want her going to a school purely picked on religion. I really believe there are other schools that will be better for her (she has learning difficulties).

    I just wanted to add, that I realise that most private schools are linked with some religion and most kids there aren't, but this school is one of the full-on ones. From their website- "a school where faith in God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and learning go together."
    And... "with humble reliance upon the grace of Almighty God, to nurture our students in the fear and admonition of the Lord and to develop towards full potential, the gifts, skills, talents and creativity the Lord has given to each student, so that our students may:

    *
    individually confess Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour and determine to follow and obey Him all the days of their lives;
    *
    be morally and socially responsible before the Lord;
    *
    be capable of enjoying life in God's kingdom."

    He wants to move DD2 there next year too, and I absolutely don't want her changing schools either. I love their current school and so does she.
    You haven't mentioned much about the school you like so I'll only comment on what you have written above..

    My kids go to a catholic school - 90% of the kids aren't religious (btw, we are).
    They go to mass once a month and although the kids do have to go, they aren't made to participate. The other parents say they chose it because they know it's a kind school, based on good values & a caring school community.

    Also, I have a friend who is a single mum & an atheist. She picked an Anglican school for her kids based on the values that they teach - so although God was prominent in the schools values, it was more about respect & appreciation that won her over. She just tells her kid that God is like a superhero in a cartoon - but the messages that the stories contain are still valid irrespective of the celebration.

    Don't just dismiss the religious school on the religious basis.

    However, if the school doesn't cater well for her requirements, then that's a different story that he also needs to consider.

  2. #12
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    You poor thing. I fully sympathise, if it were me I would be feeling exactly like you. You might have to think about going to mediation? Where you can express your views clearly and make sure you're being heard. A mediator can't force a decision, but they also can't support a blank, "this is the school I went to so this is the school my daughter is going to". Just an idea. I have my fingers crossed for you x

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  4. #13
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    Since neither of you are willing to agree to the others suggestion could you scrap both schools and look for something in the middle. He wants a private school, you want a less religious school more well suited to her interests. Could you look for a school that encompasses all of these attributes? If he's adamant that it will be his old school or nothing I think you'll have to go to mediation. It seems unfair of him to not be willing to take your daughters opinion into consideration.

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    chameleon  (09-03-2017)

  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mama Mirabelle View Post
    Since neither of you are willing to agree to the others suggestion could you scrap both schools and look for something in the middle. He wants a private school, you want a less religious school more well suited to her interests. Could you look for a school that encompasses all of these attributes? If he's adamant that it will be his old school or nothing I think you'll have to go to mediation. It seems unfair of him to not be willing to take your daughters opinion into consideration.
    I'm more then happy to look at other schools. The only issue is that I cannot afford a private school at all, so if it is a private school he will have to pay. He has agreed to pay for that school, but it is one of the cheaper schools so I don't know if he will pay for the others. Also, most of the private schools have already offered their places for next year... he is hoping because he is an ex student, and knows all the teachers, etc that he will be able to get her in anyway. We DID originally have another school picked (a private school) but they refused her based on her learning disbility. I have a feeling some of the others might do the same Although the one he likes may do the same too. I spoke to them a few years ago and they told me she is better off in a state school because she will get more support, so they might not want her either. I guess if that happens then the decision is made for us.

  7. #15
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    Ask your daughter, it should be her choice not your own.

  8. #16
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    I went through similar last year. DD started high school this year.

    As she is with me 12 days in a fortnight her choices were high schools in our area. We weren't interested in private schooling as our local state high schools are excellent high schools.

    I went to both open days and he went to neither. In year 5 there was no way he was going to agree to the out of catchment area high school.
    DD wanted to go where her friends were going.

    Came to year 6 and again we went to both high school open days. Out of catchment high school teachers spoke direct to DD, in catchment high school just spoke about their results and to the parents.

    We applied to both high schools. Her Dad had to sign the form for the out of catchment high school, which he reluctantly did. I did agree that I wouldn't accept an enrolment for either high school without his consent.

    For him the deciding factor was what DD wanted.

    In the end she got into the out of catchment high school and he agreed.

    I would apply for both and go from there.

    I would also really support your DD in what ever school she wants to go to. I would go back to mediation for it as well (we were willing to do that for DD). I would think that there would need to be a really good reason for a ruling against a 12 year old who wanted to go to a certain school, especially if the school had said that a state school could better support her.

    No way in hell would I send my children to a school that had that written on its website (what you posted in a previous post).

    Anyway there was more said between ex and I to come to this decision, but in the end DD did the convincing herself������ and she is very content and happy at her high school.

    Edited out the obvious information haha
    Last edited by PomPoms; 09-03-2017 at 16:56.

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  10. #17
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    @PomPoms I'm wondering if you were actually looking at the same state schools as I am! They sound VERY similar. I might PM you...

    Yes, I am definitely trying to support DD in the school she wants. She isn't influenced by friends or anything like that... she has picked the school because of the values and mottos of that school, and I am fully in support of it as it is such a great high school.

    Thank you for you post!

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    PomPoms  (09-03-2017)

  12. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by chameleon View Post
    @PomPoms I'm wondering if you were actually looking at the same state schools as I am! They sound VERY similar. I might PM you...

    Yes, I am definitely trying to support DD in the school she wants. She isn't influenced by friends or anything like that... she has picked the school because of the values and mottos of that school, and I am fully in support of it as it is such a great high school.

    Thank you for you post!
    I have just messaged you but your inbox is full

  13. #19
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    I think it should be your daughter's choice. Provided that she's well informed about the school.

    As an ex-teacher and someone who works with youth, enthusiasm about school is so SO valuable. You don't want to lose that. It's great that your ex is so invested in your daughter's education, but that's just it, it's HER education and not his.

    Honestly, I'd get as much information as possible about both and keep an open mind, but at the end of the day there are 3 important opinions here, not just two. The most important of those is your daughter's, and she ought to have the deciding vote.

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    What does she want???


 

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