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  1. #1
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    Default Disagreeing on high school

    My eldest daughter is off to high school next year but my ex-husband and I both completely disagree on what high school to send her too. We usually get on well, but we have very different ideas about schooling. We are running out of time to make a decision. I absolutely don't want her going to the school he has picked, and he has refused to send her the schools I have picked. Has anyone else had this issue? How on Earth do we sort it out?

  2. #2
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    I'd be sitting down and answering these (and probably other!) questions as a starting point:
    What are the reasons he doesn't want her to go to your choice of school and vice versa?
    What's the academic rating of each school like?
    Distances from home?
    What is your DD interested in academically/career wise?
    Do one of the schools offer more in the way of her achieving a chosen career?
    What does your DD think of each school?
    What is the school community like?
    Why do you feel strongly about your choice of school?

    If it's all there as a pro and con list, it might lead to an easier discussion on the options and indicate the better choice for your DD.

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    chameleon  (09-03-2017)

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    Have you both been to open days/seen the schools?

    Both write separate pros and cons for each school.

    Speak to the promary school teacher about what your daughter excels at/is interested in at school.

    Find out what both schools offer for your daughter.

    Also, is this private? As I would have thought public school would be as per the catchment.

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    chameleon  (09-03-2017)

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    Id be insisting that you both along with your daughter visit both schools and then weigh up the pro's & con's.

    Both of you just refusing is not going to solve anything.

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    I've been to both open days. He hasn't, but the school he wants to send her to is the one he went to (which is private.) We will do all the open days this year again...

    I'm doing up a bit of a pros and cons list, but I don't know if it will make much of a difference because what he looks for in a school is different to what I am looking for.

    He wants to send her to the school he went to, as it is very religious and he wants her to be with peers who are all Christian, and he tells me all the families will be "better". I'm not religious, so I don't want her going to a school purely picked on religion. I really believe there are other schools that will be better for her (she has learning difficulties).

    I just wanted to add, that I realise that most private schools are linked with some religion and most kids there aren't, but this school is one of the full-on ones. From their website- "a school where faith in God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and learning go together."
    And... "with humble reliance upon the grace of Almighty God, to nurture our students in the fear and admonition of the Lord and to develop towards full potential, the gifts, skills, talents and creativity the Lord has given to each student, so that our students may:

    *
    individually confess Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour and determine to follow and obey Him all the days of their lives;
    *
    be morally and socially responsible before the Lord;
    *
    be capable of enjoying life in God's kingdom."

    He wants to move DD2 there next year too, and I absolutely don't want her changing schools either. I love their current school and so does she.

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    On top of all of the above, have you asked your daughter on where she wants to go (and her reasons for it)?

    Although I'd always pick academics/co curricular studies first and foremost, I'd also consider about the 'whole person' growth at any particular school. No point in being at the best school if they don't teach you good values.

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    Little Miss Sunshine  (09-03-2017)

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    Quote Originally Posted by chameleon View Post
    I've been to both open days. He hasn't, but the school he wants to send her to is the one he went to (which is private.) We will do all the open days this year again...

    I'm doing up a bit of a pros and cons list, but I don't know if it will make much of a difference because what he looks for in a school is different to what I am looking for.

    He wants to send her to the school he went to, as it is very religious and he wants her to be with peers who are all Christian, and he tells me all the families will be "better". I'm not religious, so I don't want her going to a school purely picked on religion. I really believe there are other schools that will be better for her (she has learning difficulties).

    I just wanted to add, that I realise that most private schools are linked with some religion and most kids there aren't, but this school is one of the full-on ones. From their website- "a school where faith in God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and learning go together."
    And... "with humble reliance upon the grace of Almighty God, to nurture our students in the fear and admonition of the Lord and to develop towards full potential, the gifts, skills, talents and creativity the Lord has given to each student, so that our students may:

    *
    individually confess Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour and determine to follow and obey Him all the days of their lives;
    *
    be morally and socially responsible before the Lord;
    *
    be capable of enjoying life in God's kingdom."

    He wants to move DD2 there next year too, and I absolutely don't want her changing schools either. I love their current school and so does she.
    My kids go to a catholic school, but religion isn't shoved down their throat. Can you find a "compromise" school that is a bit more easy going when it comes to religion?

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    chameleon  (09-03-2017)

  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by misho View Post
    On top of all of the above, have you asked your daughter on where she wants to go (and her reasons for it)?

    Although I'd always pick academics/co curricular studies first and foremost, I'd also consider about the 'whole person' growth at any particular school. No point in being at the best school if they don't teach you good values.
    Yes, we have asked her. She really wants to go to the one I like. Oddly enough none of her friends are going there, but she still prefers it. He told her she doesn't get a say though.

    The other one has a huge emphasis on individuality and being true to yourself. It has one of the best academic outcomes, and is the 2nd top public school in the state. BUT he said he refuses to send her to a state school, even though it has much better outcomes than all the private schools in the area.

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    I was put in a similar situation when my parents chose a secondary school for me. My dad wanted me to go to a private school (Baptist, but not overtly religious, not at all full-on). My mum said to him that if he wanted me (and eventually my sister) to go to his chosen school he had to pay ALL of the school fees ($25,000p.a.). So he paid and that's where I went.
    I, on the other hand, wanted DESPERATELY to go to the local state school where all my grade 6 classmates were going. Plus I just liked the idea of a co-ed state school. My parents completely ignored my wishes and I believe that it influenced my results at school. I hated the school and didn't do all that great. I was good at certain subjects, but generally I think I would've been happier and done better at a state school. My parents wasted so much money on my schooling!

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  15. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hollywood View Post
    I was put in a similar situation when my parents chose a secondary school for me. My dad wanted me to go to a private school (Baptist, but not overtly religious, not at all full-on). My mum said to him that if he wanted me (and eventually my sister) to go to his chosen school he had to pay ALL of the school fees ($25,000p.a.). So he paid and that's where I went.
    I, on the other hand, wanted DESPERATELY to go to the local state school where all my grade 6 classmates were going. Plus I just liked the idea of a co-ed state school. My parents completely ignored my wishes and I believe that it influenced my results at school. I hated the school and didn't do all that great. I was good at certain subjects, but generally I think I would've been happier and done better at a state school. My parents wasted so much money on my schooling!
    That's interesting to hear your experience Hollywood. He is actually offering to pay all the fees, but DD1 has a FABULOUS tutor, and I would rather just put that money towards one-on-one tutoring, especially when the state school has such a fantastic repuation and she wants to go there! I'm worried he will then stop her from doing tutoring and all her extracurricular activities to pay for the school.


 

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