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  1. #1
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    Default 2.5yo hitting/pushing (possible ASD)

    DS is 2.5yo, suspected ASD (going through the assessment process).

    We're having a lot of issues with him being really rough with other kids, especially kids smaller than him. Today at a playground he ran up behind a small child and just pushed him over, totally unprovoked. I pulled him straight out of the playground.

    He will hit/push kids that touch something he has touched, even if he's no longer playing with it. This happens a lot at daycare.

    I'm at a bit of a loss, nothing seems to stop this behaviour. I know he struggles to interact with other kids so I'm sure that's part of it. He doesn't have any signs of empathy either.

    We remove him, give him time out, firm "no", take away a toy if he uses it to hit etc.

    If anyone has any tips for something that has worked, especially if you have an ASD child, I would really appreciate it.

  2. #2
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    I dont really have any tips but I do know it's quite common at his age and not nessessarly ASD. Dd was quite similar from 18-36months and that behaviour has completely gone now at 3.5. Often other kids will still push or hit her now but she won't retaliate which is a big change from 12months ago.

    Hope you get some better advise but hang in there hopefully it's just a phase and will sort itself out with time and age 😊

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Rue View Post
    I dont really have any tips but I do know it's quite common at his age and not nessessarly ASD. Dd was quite similar from 18-36months and that behaviour has completely gone now at 3.5. Often other kids will still push or hit her now but she won't retaliate which is a big change from 12months ago.

    Hope you get some better advise but hang in there hopefully it's just a phase and will sort itself out with time and age 😊
    Yeah my DD went through a rough phase but it was nothing compared to DS! I hope he does grow out of it soon. To clarify, there are a bunch of other reasons he's being assessed for ASD, this is just one part of it.

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    I'm no expert even though I have asd kids. My 8 yr old was just trying to kick his brother to death !!
    Both my sons have been and still are, well the 8 yr old is, agressive. Mostly it was directed at family members not so much random kids.
    Probably because I've always home educated my younger son and the elder one had really high anxiety in public.

    Anyway, I have found that saying no is something they don't really respond to.
    Doctors will most likely suggest seeing an OT for him but in the mean time (if you're not already, if you are ask them ) try telling him and showing him what he should do instead.
    Asd kids usually respond to what they see rather than what they hear. An OT will have a lot of great info.
    He has likely seen another kid do this at child care and that's how it's started. He totally doesn't understand it's hurtful.
    Asd kids struggle so much with empathy.

    This is the great thing about intervention early. They do tend to get more aggressive as they get older. If you can teach him young I think it can be avoided!
    Still it's always hard to get them to see other people have feelings too

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebirdgirl View Post
    I'm no expert even though I have asd kids. My 8 yr old was just trying to kick his brother to death !!
    Both my sons have been and still are, well the 8 yr old is, agressive. Mostly it was directed at family members not so much random kids.
    Probably because I've always home educated my younger son and the elder one had really high anxiety in public.

    Anyway, I have found that saying no is something they don't really respond to.
    Doctors will most likely suggest seeing an OT for him but in the mean time (if you're not already, if you are ask them ) try telling him and showing him what he should do instead.
    Asd kids usually respond to what they see rather than what they hear. An OT will have a lot of great info.
    He has likely seen another kid do this at child care and that's how it's started. He totally doesn't understand it's hurtful.
    Asd kids struggle so much with empathy.

    This is the great thing about intervention early. They do tend to get more aggressive as they get older. If you can teach him young I think it can be avoided!
    Still it's always hard to get them to see other people have feelings too
    Thanks so much for your reply. It's interesting that you mentioned OT, I know that's likely to be part of the plan for him but I really have no idea what they do!

    I think this behaviour has probably started by playing rough with his sister. They are always pushing and shoving each other and it's become a bit of a game for him to push her and then she does a big dramatic fall that they seem to find hilarious. We've been trying to stamp this out.

    Empathy is something that his daycare has raised with us, that he isn't showing any signs of concern for other kids who are hurt or upset.

    It's very hard to see him push and hit, I don't want him to be a bully. I know he's a great kid underneath the behaviour and it makes me so sad that other people just see this awful mean toddler

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    Hugs cue I will reply tomorrow

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    A good OT can help so much. With strategies for social skills, fine and gross motor and with helping you to understand him and help him

    I'm kinda surprised that at his age the day care was it, mentioned empathy. I think that it would be an emerging skill in kids this age. My daughter was born August '14 and she's not showing any signs of it really. Granted she could be on the spectrum somewhere! But thinking back to my other kids that aren't they weren't too bothered with other people's feelings at 2.5. Most toddlers are pretty self focused!

    It definitely makes sense that he thinks it's a game now. He would likely expect all kids to play like his sister has. Maybe when they go to do that she can tell him something like gentle or nice instead and give him a hug?
    Diversion works well. I mean toddlers in general react to the words no and don't anyway but kids struggling to understand seem to react worse.
    It's really hard. It's something I struggle with constantly, not telling my son no and don't!

    You know a lot of toddlers think it's fun to push and all that. But I understand for sure how you feel.

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    Right there with you Hun. My DD is getting increasingly rough at childcare. We can see her triggers though and it's either, people in her space or people touching things she's been playing with. I'm probably lucky that she's tiny for her age so doesn't do any damage.

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    We have 4 kids, my eldest never really went through the aggressive stage at all. My second one didn't either, except he is aggressive to himself (self harms) and he has ASD. My third, a girl, is never violent at all. My youngest who is 2.5 has been seen by the paed for his aggression among many other things. Up until 10 months he was as sweet as pie. Now he hurts people and laughs. We have tried everything we can think of to get him to stop.
    He has a few other issues we are dealing with also, like he is medicated for sleep for example, so the paed suggested he undergo assessment for ASD, despite none of us thinking he has it, because his brother does and it's better to rule it out. We are actually more concerned about ADHD honestly. So the assessment team will check for that too.
    But he is having his hearing tested (suspected hyperacuse as he covers his ears all the time when there is sound), having his iron, thyroid, vitamin levels all checked to see if that's causing some of his hyperactive and aggressive behaviour. Seeing an ENT to see if his sleep problems stem from a breathing issue (he snores).

    So really, before my ramble, I guess my point is, you as his mother will know if something seems off. You'll probably get told it's just a phase more often than not, and there is every likelihood it is. But if you feel like it's more than that, you are right to press further.

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    Thanks everyone. DS is quite tall for his age so when he pushes/hits it can certainly hurt other kids in his room at daycare.

    I didn't think too much of his lack of empathy either but he has never imitated any caring behaviour like patting an upset child on the back etc.

    Honestly each thing individually can be explained by other things but I think we're at a point where we need to accept that something isn't right. We excused a lot because he was unwell a lot in his first year of life, with a few hospitalizations and 3 surgeries. He had had his adenoids out and grommets in for over a year now, so we can't blame his hearing (last test was normal, another test scheduled for next month).


 

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