+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    6
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked
    5
    Reviews
    0

    Default What do birthing women want to hear?

    Its very important that women feel supported and encouraged by their midwives/obs when in labour. As a midwife in training, its difficult to know what to say to a woman when she is in so much pain.

    Please share anything your midwife said to you that you found helpful and supportive (or what would you like your midwife to say)? And what things irritated you, or what should a midwife avoid saying to a birthing women?

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    23,248
    Thanks
    6,367
    Thanked
    17,670
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Bubhub Blogger - Thanks100 Posts in a week
    Tell them they are doing so well, they are almost there. That you know it hurts but they can do it.

    Don't minimise. I think middies practicing a long time tend to sometimes lack patience and empathy bc they've seen so many births. Remember you may have birthed 20/50/100 babies but for this woman, it's her first/second. It's scary, painful and you lose all control. Don't tell them it isn't that bad. That they aren't handling the pain well.

    My biggest advice is what would *you* want if you were heavy into transition, bellowing like hippo crying you can't do it anymore? lol

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to delirium For This Useful Post:

    LoveLivesHere  (08-10-2017),MSUQ  (01-03-2017)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    5,340
    Thanks
    1,022
    Thanked
    3,464
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I actually wanted someone to actually listen to me and not dismiss me.

    My 1st birth I asked for more pain relief options and got 'you have a long way to go and it's too early and I have HOURS to go so go have a shower' - I had my baby less than 3 hours later.

    I found my 2nd to be better - maybe I was more informed. But having the midwives listen and say things like 'do what is your body telling you' and just being encouraging helped so much.

    Can I also add that after birth is important too? When helping with BF/bottle feeding etc etc.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to twinklify For This Useful Post:

    MSUQ  (01-03-2017)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    2
    Reviews
    0
    My midwife was excellent. During transition when I thought I was loosing my mind, she told me 'its ok, you're in transition honey, hang in there'. Its simple, but for her to be able to remind me that 'oh yeah, thats what this is, they told me about it in my classes, im not loosing my mind.'.

    Also when I was pushing (and through transition), she gave me very simple clear directives. She was the only voice that managed to pierce through all the other noise in the room (likely the noise coming from me lol).

    I thanked her specifically for her clear direction. She said that she worries that she can come off a bit bossy, but it was not like that at all. She was my anchor.

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    2
    Reviews
    0
    Oh and like the previous poster, breastfeeding support was soooo important. I usually am the type to cringe when people are overly supportive and positive as it can come off as insencere. But the MW on my ward were SO positive and supportive - and I needed EVERY last drop of it. I would have fallen into a thousand pieces if I didnt have them telling me I was doing a great job, or commenting how well my baby was doing. It is simply not possible to overdo the positive reinforcement.

    By posting this question already shows to me you are going to make an excellent midwife - good luck!

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    4,847
    Thanks
    1,733
    Thanked
    2,976
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Personally I would have cracked it if my midwife told me she knew it hurts.

    Actually one did that in my first birth and she destroyed a process that was going so well.
    I was in the zone and managing really well. From the outside it might have looked painful, but I was within myself and in a meditative state.

    She didn't stop at "I know it hurts" she also said that I wouldnt cope without drugs and offered the lot.
    I was in transition so really she should have shut it.

    Anyway I'd stuck with "you're doing so well" and positive statements like that.

  9. #7
    AdornedWithCats's Avatar
    AdornedWithCats is offline Winner 2013 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Winner 2014 - Best Username

    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    8,424
    Thanks
    7,678
    Thanked
    3,947
    Reviews
    17
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 12/6/15Funniest Caption400 Posts in a week300 posts in a week
    Saying: you're doing it/doing well, reassuring them that it's completely normal particularly if they're ftm it's all new.

    Encouraging them to try different positions to help with managing pain/contractions - this would have been useful when I was in labour with ds as I couldn't find a comfortable position.

    Giving suggestions to they're support person about how they can help. My dh is so used to me just telling him what I want or need which I wasn't able to do during labour so having the midwives guide him was very useful.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to AdornedWithCats For This Useful Post:

    smallpotatoes  (08-10-2017)

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    2,238
    Thanks
    96
    Thanked
    2,082
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    For me personally, I don't like the affirming "you're doing great" and "you're coping really well" type comments. I don't mind them from my husband but not from the midwife. I sometimes felt like it was a bit patronising to be honest. He knows me and knows if I'm coping well. She doesn't and she says it to everyone so it doesn't mean anything.

    I like things kept more factual "you have progressed well so far" or "you're just in transition, it hurts but it means you're almost there".

    I also like a midwife who is happy to engage in some small talk and have a bit of fun I guess. I find it a welcome distraction. Previous ones have joked around a bit (mainly with my husband while I was contracting) and we've all had a laugh and I find that relaxing.

  12. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ahalfdozen For This Useful Post:

    atomicmama  (08-10-2017),kmvw  (08-10-2017)

  13. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    6,483
    Thanks
    5,897
    Thanked
    4,876
    Reviews
    21
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    For me personally, I don't like the affirming "you're doing great" and "you're coping really well" type comments. I don't mind them from my husband but not from the midwife. I sometimes felt like it was a bit patronising to be honest. He knows me and knows if I'm coping well. She doesn't and she says it to everyone so it doesn't mean anything.

    I like things kept more factual "you have progressed well so far" or "you're just in transition, it hurts but it means you're almost there".

    I also like a midwife who is happy to engage in some small talk and have a bit of fun I guess. I find it a welcome distraction. Previous ones have joked around a bit (mainly with my husband while I was contracting) and we've all had a laugh and I find that relaxing.
    This ^

    Also, I was surprised just how much I relied on dh to keep me focused, so it probably would have helped for the midwife to give him tips to make things easier for me, like getting him to talk me through breathing or whatever. That may not work for everyone though, I'd imagine it could make some women feel patronized.

  14. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    22,204
    Thanks
    15,552
    Thanked
    11,787
    Reviews
    14
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the WeekBusiest Member of the Week - week ended 5/2/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 31/10/14Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 24/10/14Busiest Member of the Week
    The truth.
    I don't dilate fast. I have had 6 births so I know my labours are longer than average. As another poster said don't compare my birth with the 1000s before me. Be positive as much as possible but don't oversell.

    Most importantly if you put a monitor on a baby keep the sound at the same level no matter what.
    I had a midwive turn down the sound as i was exhausted after 27 hours of labour. They also kept all nosie to a minimum in the room and talked in the corner. Please never talk in corner where the mother can see but not hear. For the last 3 hours of that birth i had thought my son had died and they weren't telling me. He was my 6th baby so i wasn't young and naive. I was scared silent.
    Please don't think just because i woman has given birth before that it is easier. It can be and it can be 100 times harder. My first birth was my easiest and simplest birth my last was my hardest. With 5th being the quickest my atleast 7 hours.
    Each birth is different and each time what the mother needs to hear can be different too.


 

Similar Threads

  1. What do you think when you hear the name Cleo?
    By PinkTutu in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 12-04-2016, 15:17

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
ProSwimProSwim Rostrevor runs learn to swim classes for children and adults. Lessons are run during the Summer months ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
IVF Babies Due in April/May/June 2018pregnancy and babies through IVF
Noble NovemberConception & Fertility General Chat
New Childcare subsidyChildcare Options
Settling into daycareChildcare Options
Optimistic October TTCConception & Fertility General Chat
Low sperm count and motilityMale Infertility Issues
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›