Thanks for the replies girls. She is a narcissist and rings me up crying that she misses her grandkids. She has visited us ONCE in 15 months. She lives 4 hours away. and the one time she did visit she completely ignored the 2 year old. I just think I am at the end of listening to her BS to be honest. Next time she asks for the holiday dates I might say something like "Thanks for the offer but I would rather they both go together or not at all".... Sooner or later she has to accept that they are brothers who are close and need to stay together. She can come and visit them here anytime she likes but she doesn't. I just have a hard time standing up to my mum. Thanks for the different perspectives