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  1. #11
    TheGooch's Avatar
    TheGooch is offline Winner 2014 - Newbie of the Year
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    Does your mum have some kind of idea that having DS2 on his own gives him some kind of "treat" because DS1 has time alone with his Dad?
    Before giving any kind of answer I would ask your mum outright "Mum, I've noticed you don't want to spend time with DS1. What's that about?"
    The reason I say this is I wouldn't want DS1 going somewhere he isn't wanted. And I think it warrants further discussion before either DS spends time there.
    If your mum says that having both boys is too much for her, you can then ask what her plan is for DS1 to have some one on one time with her. If she hasn't got any plan to do that, I'm not sure I'd be having either DS go there.

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  3. #12
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    Sorry girls, I just re read my post and it is so confusing!! I got the DS2 and DS1 mixed up. Just to make it simple. She only attentions the 6 year old, completely ignores the baby. He is a hard baby, has tantrums constantly. I think she just doesn't want him for that reason. In saying that, I'd rather her not have the 6 year old, if she just wants one. Its harder for me here when the 6 year old is gone as they kind of entertain each other / bounce off each other. So of course, Id rather him not go. My mother is a b***h and finding the right words to communicate is difficult without her losing the plot.

  4. #13
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    well that is a little different

    If its just because she cant deal with a baby - to be honest I kind of get that.

    I wouldnt be too keen on lots of overnight stays, but the occasional one would be ok with me.


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    At the end of the day you're the mum and it's your decision. Just because she's asked to have your son doesn't mean you have to send him.

    If she doesn't want the younger one because she can't handle his behavior that sounds fair enough to me, but I also think its reasonable that you don't want DS1 to go away and be apart from DS2 anymore than he already is.

    Just send a reply saying thanks for the offer but it's not going to be possible these holidays. You don't need to give any more of an explanation than that but if you want to give one be honest and say DS2 misses DS1 when he's away and since he already spends every second weekend away you prefer to have him home with DS2 the rest of the time. What you're saying is not unreasonable so if she gets upset just disengage and let her have her little melt down and when she's ready she can get in contact again.

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  7. #15
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    Your update changes my reply, hahaha. I could understand why she'd want to hang with your 6 year old and not your bub at this stage.
    I'd just gently mention how it makes you feel, but I think it's ok for her to want to have him for overnights occasionally without taking bub. xox

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    I have a full on 2 yo and TBH I don't blame her. It sucks for your toddler but 2 kids, one who is full on for an older person overnight can be a lot.

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    Is there any chance she thinks she's helping you out by taking DS1 because DS2 is quite demanding for you?

    Either way, not out of line to let her know you'd prefer both or none at all!

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    Didn't read all the replies yet but felt compelled to respond. Please bare in mind that my reply is horrendously biased.

    When my second was born, my parents only ever wanted my eldest. Refused to do anything with my youngest. Wouldn't even pick him up. He was also a more "difficult" baby. He has autism, which obviously didn't present too much at 6 months old but he was crying a lot, screamed at loud noises etc. My story is very similar to yours except my eldest was only 22 months older than the baby. He does have a different father but the father took off during pregnancy and my husband has been around since before the birth.

    I stood my ground with the "both or none" rule. They chose none. Eventually I refused to even offer because I couldn't imagine how they would treat my youngest when I wasn't around. The times they had seen him, if he cried she would kind of wave her hand over to him and say "do something with that child" so no way I trusted her to watch him unsupervised.

    It ended up causing a massive rift and long story short, I have a 3yo they have never met as I haven't spoken to them in over 4 years.

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    I can sort of understand it as having a 2yr old puts more constraints on what she can do etc.

    My DS is 3 and his sisters who are older have often had nights & weekends with their grandparents and he has stayed home.
    Now he is closer to 4 he goes too.

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    I think if your mum is treating your kids differently while around them like half dozen, that's totally not on and I'd be furious. But if she just doesn't want to take your toddler bc he's too rambunctious, that's fair enough IMO

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