+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    81
    Thanks
    13
    Thanked
    7
    Reviews
    0

    Default Do I have the right to feel this way regarding over night stays?

    I have two sons. DS1 is 6 and DS2 is 2. DS1 is to a different father so he is gone every fortnight weekend for two nights. My two boys are very close and are typical happy, playing brothers. I hate that every fortnight my youngest is without his brother and you can tell he gets a bit sad sometimes.

    My mother only ever wants to look after DS1 and not DS2. When she came here for Xmas she didn't make ANY effort with DS2. I think she spoke to him once the entire week she was here. My MIL takes both the boys when they stay at her place.

    My mother just called to ask when DS1 school holidays are and if she can have him. Am I in the wrong to say that I don't want them separated? I want them to stay together. I would rather her not have him at all if she just wants to see DS1.
    Last edited by katieerin; 01-03-2017 at 08:13.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    10,973
    Thanks
    3,544
    Thanked
    6,641
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    How long does she want your DS2 to stay at her place?

    I don't like the thought that she's playing favourites - your DS1 is old enough to notice and will be asking questions I'm sure.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    3,543
    Thanks
    827
    Thanked
    1,064
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Why does she only want to look after ds2? That's very sad.

    My mil plays favourites with my kids and I hate it. I do speak up when it occurs.

    I wouldn't let ds2 go. Either make an effort with both or don't bother.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to misho For This Useful Post:

    mckel  (01-03-2017)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    72
    Thanks
    32
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0
    I don't think you are wrong. It's a horrible thing to hear and I'm sorry you are even doubting yourself that you feeling this way is a bad thing. Not only is it disrespectful to you but to your children also.
    My DH was in a relationship before me with a woman who had a kid to someone else and his daughter and he treated both children exactly the same, still does now.
    As Pp said your son(s) will notice and it's not something you should have to explain to little ones (sorry bud, nanny likes your brother more than you)...
    My mother is similar. I don't let her see my daughter at all. My MIL is not. She sees my daughter occasionally.
    I think you should try to keep the relationship there but defiantly on your terms. If she doesn't agree with that that's her cutting ties. You made the effort.

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Bayside Brisbane
    Posts
    7,242
    Thanks
    1,336
    Thanked
    2,172
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    How very odd!

    He's just as much her grandson as your younger boy. Even your MIL who has no blood ties to your eldest isn't playing favourites.

    I think you absolutely have the right to feel this way. I'd be saying you either have both of them or neither of them. It's not right.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to CazHazKidz For This Useful Post:

    SuperGranny  (28-02-2017)

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    3,171
    Thanks
    1,880
    Thanked
    2,495
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I can kind of understand not wanting to take a baby/toddler overnight, but even then I think "both or not at all" would be perfectly reasonable. Your poor DS1!

  9. #7
    BH-KatiesMum's Avatar
    BH-KatiesMum is offline Community Manager
    Winner 2008 - The most optimistic poster
    Winner 2014 - Most Helpful Moderator
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Perth WA
    Posts
    23,195
    Thanks
    5,817
    Thanked
    6,259
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    Awards:
    Past Moderator
    200 Posts in a week100 Posts in a week
    yep - there is a big difference between DS1's dad taking just him and the childrens grandparent taking just one of them.

    I would say both or none. Cant separate ..... and maybe have a talk to her about it (delicately - perhaps mention that the kids sometimes find it hard when they are apart, how DS1 deals with people treating him differently etc)


  10. #8
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,533
    Thanks
    5,300
    Thanked
    3,065
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I agree, 'both or not at all'. would be my response. That is very poor form for your mother to play favourites. I would be very cross if she was in my house for a week, and ignored one child and entertained the other. Marie.

  11. #9
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Central West
    Posts
    1,595
    Thanks
    1,995
    Thanked
    947
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Both my parents and my MIL take my children separately at times but more as a treat so each child gets some one on one spoiling time. In saying that they will all take all three children together as well.

    I feel bad for your younger boy

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Bayside Brisbane
    Posts
    7,242
    Thanks
    1,336
    Thanked
    2,172
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Isn't it the older boy getting left out?


 

Similar Threads

  1. How would you feel?
    By HLE in forum Birth Stories
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: 09-11-2016, 12:32
  2. Dry cm before af due, when normally feel wet
    By Crazytime in forum Introductions
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 14-06-2016, 16:09

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Heinz Baby BasicsOur BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›