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  1. #21
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    Default Is the word 'hate' ok?

    I discourage it, the same way that I discourage teasing and mean behaviour but I slip up myself and sometimes use it around the kids. I don't think children should be punished for saying words.

    I will say to the kids "please don't say "hate", it's a very angry word, why don't you say "I don't like.." instead.

    ETA - when I "slip up" it might be like "oh I accidentally spilled coffee down my top, I hate when that happens" etc..

    I think my kids are a bit too young to understand why the word is ok in some contexts but not in others so I just discourage the use of it in all contexts.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelicHobgoblin View Post
    Yeah when my son is angry at me he stops off yelling "urgh I hate you" I just say to him "no you don't. You are angry at me but you don't hate me".
    When he says it to his brother, his brother just says "I love you" drives ds crazy hahaha
    I say that too sometimes. If the kids say 'i hate you' it's not a big deal to me.

    On the flip side, they say 'love' all the time. Mummy i love rainbows, i love geckos, i love this little rock. .. 😂

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  5. #23
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    Default Is the word 'hate' ok?

    What if a parent says "I hate you" to their child, is that ever excusable?

    I really don't like it, I find it a incredibly harsh word. Hating a medical/dental procedure is ok though imo
    Last edited by Carpe diem 2013; 28-02-2017 at 19:22.

  6. #24
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    My kids have said "I hate you to me" on the odd occasion. I just said back that it's fine to hate me, my job isn't to be liked, it's to be their mother. They have always come back and apologised of their own accord later on.

    I don't think it's excusable for a parent to say it to a child. They are the adults, they can control their words. And a child doesn't need to hear that ever.

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  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ahalfdozen View Post
    My kids have said "I hate you to me" on the odd occasion. I just said back that it's fine to hate me, my job isn't to be liked, it's to be their mother. They have always come back and apologised of their own accord later on.

    I don't think it's excusable for a parent to say it to a child. They are the adults, they can control their words. And a child doesn't need to hear that ever.
    I say that as well! Haha

    I'm not one to force my kids to apologize when they say something hurtful, so it always catches me off guard when my oldest says sorry for being mean. He does it to me, dp and ds. It just means so much more when they say it without being told to, melts my heart <3

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    Carpe diem 2013  (28-02-2017)

  10. #26
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    It is not ok at someone, and yes they will have consequences (and a stern talking to) for it.
    However, if it is a general comment (e.g. I hate math), I will say "oh that's harsh. Do you mean it's tough and difficult to like?", and they usually agree that yes, that is what they mean.

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    Carpe diem 2013  (28-02-2017)

  12. #27
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    Default Is the word 'hate' ok?

    Quote Originally Posted by cheeeeesecake View Post
    I dont punish my kids for using any word, but I try to help them find better ways of wording things. Eg - if they said they 'hate' a food, or the food is 'yuck', I say that it's a bit rude to the person who prepared the food for them, and they should just say 'no thankyou' or 'I dont really like that food' or something that's a bit nicer.
    Yep this is us too. Encouraging manners and not to be hurtful to others, but no punishment.

    My daughter hasn't figured out saying that she hates a person, but her equivalent is "I don't love you anymore" so I tell her "that's ok, I still love you and I always will".

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  14. #28
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    My 5yo DS cracked out his first "I hate you" mid tantrum the other day. I just said "that's ok, I really dislike your behavior right now, but I love you anyway" (as I shut his door for timeout). I was smiling on the inside though because I remembered how devastated I was when my oldest child said it to me the first time...I think I cried! This time it was water off a ducks back! All my children have said it, probably less than a handful of times and grown out of it quite quickly. A few hours after the epic tanty my DS wanted me to do something with him. I said "oh, I thought you hated me?". He was very contrite, apologised and told me he loved me 5 billion ☺.
    It's not a banned word in our house, but context is a discussion point. My SIL has outright banned it...I find it a bit odd

  15. #29
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    Same. We teach its OK to hate things but its not OK to hate people even if we don't agree with their words or actions. Because all people are valuable and important because they are human. (Easier said than done even for adults)

  16. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carpe diem 2013 View Post
    What if a parent says "I hate you" to their child, is that ever excusable?

    I really don't like it, I find it a incredibly harsh word. Hating a medical/dental procedure is ok though imo
    I think it's not ever excusable, as adults we can control our actions much better than a child can.
    Realistically I think we all lose our sh*t sometimes, at least I know I do, but even in the heat of the moment I just could not excuse saying I hate you to a child. Words are so powerful I make it a point to never say to my kids your terrible/naughty/bad, but rather that what they're doing is naughty or whatever.


 

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