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  1. #1
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    Default Worried about having a second child

    Hi everyone, I was hoping someone had some advice or maybe share your experiences (even if they are different) to give us another perspective on this.

    We have a beautiful 2 year old DS, he's such a lovely boy - friendly, caring, helpful etc but obviously has his moments with tantrums! I'd always wanted a large family as I came from one myself, I was very close to my siblings and still am now. My husband wanted a small family, we decided to have our first and see how we both felt afterwards. As soon as he was born we fell in love with him and have enjoyed the last two years immensely (despite horrendous sleep issues!). My Dh was keen to have a second Bub after our DS turned one but to my surprise I didn't feel ready, when he turned two we agreed to try for our second. We have been trying for 6 months and after a conversation last night we both confided we weren't devastated I wasn't pregnant yet.
    As truly horrible as this sounds....we are both worried that we won't love our second child as much as DS. I can't imagine sharing my love with another child, has anyone else felt this way? I know everyone says as soon as your baby is born you will love them.....but what if this isn't the case? I'd hate to bring another child into the world and not be able to love them as much as I do DS but I'm also not sure I'm done with just one. Also, just to clarify....we're not super heartless people, obviously we would love Bub but questioning if it would be the same as DS, we have nieces and nephews and love them so much - we are definitely family/children people, which is why we are so confused.

    We do want another baby but not sure if this is a sign that we're not ready yet, how did you know you were ready?

  2. #2
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    Default Worried about having a second child

    I felt the exact same way! Found myself not really into the idea of having another because I was so happy and in love with ds1, why on earth would I need another? Then through my whole pregnancy I worried I wouldn't love ds2 because he wasn't his brother, that we were ruining a good thing, etc. But he's 9 months old now and fat and squishy and cuddly and hilarious and I definitely love him just as much as his older brother and also love watching them start to play together now. It's hard to imagine having enough love but you just do

    How did I know I was ready? I didn't really. Mostly just went for it as I didn't want to end up regretting not doing it.

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  4. #3
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    I felt this way through my whole pregnancy with DS, especially because he was a boy. I only knew girls and loved that I had a girl I could do fun and girly things with. How could I possibly love this baby as much as DD? Then he was born. He's only 11 days old but I am so completely in love with him. And it's beautiful to see how much DD loves him.

    I don't think DH and I were ever 'ready' for number 2. We just decided it was something we wanted and went from there.

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    Hi OP. I've read threads on BH before like this - so if it makes you feel better, I don't think you're on your own in worrying that you couldn't love a second child as much as you love you first. Like PPs have said, it seems like parents just do though! Have you ever heard that saying - Love's not a cup of sugar? ie There's not a finite amount of love - it just expands

    I am early pregnant at the moment with number 2. As for how we knew we were ready - like PPs - we didn't - and I still freak out about it from time to time! (My freak outs include worrying how DS will cope with having to share my attention with a new baby, and how hard he might find it, and how I will manage everything!). For us though, fertility is decreasing, time is ticking, and we decided we did want to try for a sibling for DS - so just jumped in. If you have time on your side though, I'd just wait a bit and see how you feel.

    Best of luck with it!
    Last edited by JustJaq; 27-02-2017 at 13:24.

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    Thank you so much for your responses, I think we're second guessing our decision as all our friends have said "they just knew" they were ready for a second, we know we're not "done" but can't say that we just know we're ready. It's really reassuring to hear others feel/felt like this too.
    I think I'm worried about changing the family dynamics as well, we have so much wonderful one on one time with DS, we have wonderful family holidays, go to activities and classes, even just hanging out at home playing with his toys together etc and I just wonder how we would all deal with a new Bub in the mix. I'd hate for him to feel pushed out but at the same time he adores Playing with other children and I know having a sibling would benefit him as he gets older.
    I'm sure it's one of those things that you make work and when Bub is here you wonder how you ever coped without them, it's just such a big step and I'd hate to ruin what we have.
    Sorry, I know this is something we have to decide ourselves but it has been such a great help hearing your thoughts and I really do appreciate it.

  9. #6
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    OP I felt exactly the same as you. DH and I both adore our DD so much we weren't even sure we wanted a second. She was such a gift after years of fertility treatment. We decided it was time though, mainly to give DD a sibling and DS came along a lot quicker that DD did, so I kind of spent my whole pregnancy feeling not ready for a second baby and freaking out about being able to love another kid, especially a boy!
    I'll admit I didn't feel the overwhelming love when he was born, mainly just relieved he was out, but after a few weeks I loved him just as much as my DD. Now he's 4 months and I just adore him so much I think I'll burst.
    I think it's fairly normal to have these feelings and somehow you really do just adjust and you have so much more capacity to love these little creatures than you ever thought possible. It's also very hard with 2 small ones but somehow you just get on with it.

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  11. #7
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    I haven't really felt this way but maybe just spend one or two more years with having one child if your circumstances allow?
    Maybe you just need a little more time. At 2 they are still quite small and only just starting to not be a baby.

    I can only say as an only child I so deeply wish I had been able to have at least one sibling.
    So my bias is if it's possible, have two kids


 

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