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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by CountryMumkin View Post
    Hi all. Thanks very much for all your advice. Maybe a visit to the doctor is in order..... I have another question. And I don't mean in any way shape or form to sound disrespectful but @Bluebirdgirl have/are you really in a relationship where your partner doesn't call you names at all? My DH calls me something hurtful everyday at least once and I've seen some people on here who seem to have a similar relationship to me in this way but most ladies on here seem to have this so perfect, partners never hurt their feeling or say anything bad to them kind of thing happening like in the movies and I feel like I'm not sure what is real. My husband has even slapped my face multiple times before. I don't think I'm in an abusive relationship. I just think I'm in a relationship with a man who I occasionally **** off and he gets angry. The same as he makes me angry but I'd not hit him. (I have before and felt terrible, not that it actually hurt him he's too tall for me to punch in the face, lol)
    I suppose what I'm trying to say is, what is the "right" relationship?
    Oh sweetie, calling you names every day and slapping you on the face are signs that you are in an abusive relationship.

    Have a look at the following links and see if any of it rings true for you:

    https://www.helpguide.org/articles/a...-and-abuse.htm
    http://au.reachout.com/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship


    If you are up for a longer read, get your hands on a copy of Lundy Bancroft's "Why does he do that?". It is available on Amazon here:

    https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-T.../dp/0425191656

    There are PDF versions of the book on the internet if you don't want to buy a copy or can't get one from a library.

    ETA - another idea would be to phone the National Domestic Violence number: 1800 RESPECT and have a chat to the counsellors there about what you have posted on here. They are really good and will be able to give advice for your exact situation.
    Last edited by SSecret Squirrel; 27-02-2017 at 13:28.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by CountryMumkin View Post
    Hi all. Thanks very much for all your advice. Maybe a visit to the doctor is in order..... I have another question. And I don't mean in any way shape or form to sound disrespectful but @Bluebirdgirl have/are you really in a relationship where your partner doesn't call you names at all? My DH calls me something hurtful everyday at least once and I've seen some people on here who seem to have a similar relationship to me in this way but most ladies on here seem to have this so perfect, partners never hurt their feeling or say anything bad to them kind of thing happening like in the movies and I feel like I'm not sure what is real. My husband has even slapped my face multiple times before. I don't think I'm in an abusive relationship. I just think I'm in a relationship with a man who I occasionally **** off and he gets angry. The same as he makes me angry but I'd not hit him. (I have before and felt terrible, not that it actually hurt him he's too tall for me to punch in the face, lol)
    I suppose what I'm trying to say is, what is the "right" relationship?
    @countrymumpkin, I have to say that this post has made me quite shocked and sad.

    My relationship is certainly not perfect - we fight - and by fight, I mean we have disagreements, etc, and sometimes my feelings are hurt, and sometimes I hurt my DP's feelings. But we never, never, call each other names, let alone hit each other. We've been together more than 15 years, and I seriously cannot remember any examples of either of us calling each other names. Like PPs have said, my relationship's not perfect, but its respectful - and not verbally or physically abusive. That, to me, it not normal, and not how it should be. You, and everyone, deserves better.

    I know that it's impossible to know what goes on behind closed doors, but if I thought one of my friends or family members was in a relationship that involved daily verbal abuse and some physical abuse, I'd be trying my best to help them, and make them knew they had support, and other options rather than staying in that sort of relationship.

    I really hope you can get the support you need, and agree that your GP and 1800 RESPECT are good places to start.

  4. #13
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    @CountryMumkin you've been given some great advice here. I don't want to pile on too much but I just wanted to say that healthy, respectful relationships NEVER involve hitting or name-calling.
    Hitting is assault is physical abuse is domestic violence.
    Name calling is verbal abuse is domestic violence.
    Picking on you and harassing you for 4 hours is emotional abuse is domestic violence.
    None of this is ok lovely and I hope you can see through your love and dependence on this man to see that this is wrong and you deserve better.
    Please phone 1800RESPECT to speak to someone about your relationship and your options for moving forward.
    I have been with my husband for 7 years. He has never called me names or hit me. We have respectful disagreements but they aren't screaming matches or physical arguments. We aren't perfect - no one is - but we love and respect each other and ourselves too much to hurt each other like that.
    I think it would be great if you were able to see a counsellor or psychologist or GP to help you with the self-harm feelings and unpack what's causing this. I hope you're ok x

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  6. #14
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    Ask yourself this question, if the person was not your husband and was a friend or work colleague and treated you like this what would you do then? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't put up with it.

    Your relationship sounds toxic to me and I urge you to seek counseling to get a better perspective on things.

  7. #15
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    Oh gosh.. sounds like you need to seek some help. This is abuse

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by CountryMumkin View Post
    I know I do sound like a crazy person but im really not. I am just lost in this situation. I feel if I tell DH he will leave me, he has enough of his own problems. So that includes telling a Dr or friend. I am scared that if I tell a Dr they will just try to give me anti depressants and tell me I'm fine.
    Any advice?
    You do not sound like a crazy person at all! I can't pretend to truly understand your situation, but have been in a situation where I loved someone and wanted to support them and felt totally lost and confused.

    It took me a long, long time to understand why I felt that way ... and years later I don't know I can say I truly understand it now. My first step in a positive direction was speaking to a doctor. It was terrifying, and I'd never seen this GP before but he was excellent and supportive and gave me a referral to a lady psychologist (I told him I didn't want to go on antidepressants, and I believe that a psychologist can not prescribe antidepressants). Bit by bit, I started to piece myself back together, when I hadn't even believed that anything was really broken.

    I hope you do reach out. I totally understand your hesitation, but I think it sounds like this would be a good time for you to ask someone for help. There's no magic wand and it's not ever going to be a quick fix, and sometimes you have to ask for help a few times from different people. Good luck!


 

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