+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    72
    Thanks
    32
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0

    Default Feeling down. Advice?

    So I'm sitting here thinking what I'm going to write and how to word it properly so I don't sound all "I'm so depressed, my DH is an ********" but I can't.
    So pre warning, my DH is not an **** hole and has been sooooooo good to me I love him so much. And I do not believe I am suffering depression.
    I have however, started experiencing this weird and very scary feeling of wanting to harm myself. (I self harmed in my pre-teen years, silly attention seeking...... This is a very very different feeling) I am worried that there is something wrong with me and I may actually harm myself. I DO NOT in any way shape or form feel any desire to take my own life or hurt myself in any way.
    Example: my DH and I had an argument/disagreement, I tried to move on, I felt he was being very very negative and mean towards me. I understand he was annoyed as I was but he couldn't just let it go. He continued to pick at me personally and other. Saying I have no motivation to do things with him and don't take his wants seriously, I cm don't care about what he wants, I just want to sit around all the time and do nothing etc etc. This has continued for about 4 hours. I keep trying to reassure him that I do want to do these things with him, I do take him seriously blah blah blah. But after the last barrage of hurtful things I left the room and came into the kitchen, I was of course muttering things I wish I could say to him under my breath and as soon as the door shut I started to bawl. I felt a massive urge to punch myself in the head, headbutt the walls and benches and then saw a knife on the table and imagined stabbing myself in the wrists. This feeling disappeared as quickly as it came but I had already moved towards the knife. I feel like if I had it in my hand I might have hurt myself. I have had the feeling a few times and have hit myself or headbutted something, I then just feel even worse. I cry about it. I have never told anyone. Not even DH. (Although he has seen me hit myself and just called me a crazy c*** and not mentioned it again unless he wants me to feel bad)
    I know I do sound like a crazy person but im really not. I am just lost in this situation. I feel if I tell DH he will leave me, he has enough of his own problems. So that includes telling a Dr or friend. I am scared that if I tell a Dr they will just try to give me anti depressants and tell me I'm fine.
    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    958
    Thanks
    839
    Thanked
    444
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I have zero experience with anything like this but it does sound like your partner is abusive toward you. Someone that loves you would never call you names. That isn't normal behaviour.

    Please see a doctor. They will take you seriously. They can refer to someone who can help you.
    This is not all you. You are not being treated right.
    Please take care of yourself and let someone help you work this out.
    Best wishes

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    2,152
    Thanks
    2,079
    Thanked
    1,585
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think if you see a doctor they will take you seriously. It sounds like (and I am not a professional, and not in any way shape or form qualified to offer a medical opinion on this - I'm relating it to my friend's experiences), you're having intrusive thoughts which can be linked to anxiety and/or depression. My friend found the more she tried to suppress the thoughts the worse they got. So if this is what you're having, you really do need to see a doctor to help you get it sorted out. It will take more than a prescription - you'll need the support of your GP, and possibly a psychologist and psychiatrist. But you will also need your husband's support, and that of family and friends.
    I'd also like to add that I know you said you don't think you're depressed. Depression can manifest in a lot of different ways, and it is often hard to realise that you're suffering from it when you're stuck in that zone.

    I'd also like to echo @Bluebirdgirl - it sounds like a verbally/emotionally abusive situation here. I know we can only go off what has happened in this one disagreement, but your husbands actions seem disproportionately negative and not something that a supportive husband would do. I know arguments are normal, but a 4 hour tirade of the same thing is excessive.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Tiny Dancer For This Useful Post:

    SuperGranny  (27-02-2017),TheGooch  (27-02-2017)

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    72
    Thanks
    32
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0
    Hi all. Thanks very much for all your advice. Maybe a visit to the doctor is in order..... I have another question. And I don't mean in any way shape or form to sound disrespectful but @Bluebirdgirl have/are you really in a relationship where your partner doesn't call you names at all? My DH calls me something hurtful everyday at least once and I've seen some people on here who seem to have a similar relationship to me in this way but most ladies on here seem to have this so perfect, partners never hurt their feeling or say anything bad to them kind of thing happening like in the movies and I feel like I'm not sure what is real. My husband has even slapped my face multiple times before. I don't think I'm in an abusive relationship. I just think I'm in a relationship with a man who I occasionally **** off and he gets angry. The same as he makes me angry but I'd not hit him. (I have before and felt terrible, not that it actually hurt him he's too tall for me to punch in the face, lol)
    I suppose what I'm trying to say is, what is the "right" relationship?

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    540
    Thanks
    248
    Thanked
    555
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    The "right relationship" is one that you are not abused or spoken to disrespectfuly.

  7. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to kylie764 For This Useful Post:

    HollyGolightly81  (06-03-2017),MysticFalls  (31-03-2017),TheGooch  (27-02-2017)

  8. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    5,014
    Thanks
    1,673
    Thanked
    3,614
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I'm going to echo what PP have said and I think you need to seek professional help. Start with your GP and go from there.

    Your partner may well be in a bad mood and having a vent, but when that is directed at you explicitly and all the negative aspects of your behaviour, it's not right. Slapping you across the face is not right. My experience is limited, but it does sound like an abusive relationship. Emotional abuse (the 4hr tirade) and physical abuse (slapping you across the face) at the very least. Whether you love him or not is irrelevant in identifying that the behaviors displayed are unacceptable.

    My DH and I have a very respectful relationship. If we have a problem we talk about it. In the 9 years we've been together we've never had a fight or screaming match. We've never called each other derogatory names. Our arguments are mindless (i.e. Which way to fold the towels and put them in the cupboard) and never, not once, has he ever laid a hand on me or me one on him. Is it a perfect relationship? No. Is it a respectful one, yes.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to M'LadyEm For This Useful Post:

    TheGooch  (27-02-2017),Tiny Dancer  (27-02-2017)

  10. #7
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,533
    Thanks
    5,300
    Thanked
    3,065
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi country mumkin, I am sorry, but you are not in a 'normal' 'right' relationship. Your partner is abusing you, it is totally not 'right'. Sadly, your relationship would not be the only abusive relationship on here. Domestic violence is very common, and it presents in many different levels, but it is most certainly not ok. Perhaps contacting a support service in your neighbourhood might be the best starting point for you. Your feelings towards self harm, is an alarm bell, because, if you were being treated as you should be treated, you would not want to do any harm to yourself. Please seek professional help. You deserve to be loved and respected. hugs, marie.

  11. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to SuperGranny For This Useful Post:

    HollyGolightly81  (06-03-2017),JustJaq  (27-02-2017),kylie764  (27-02-2017),SSecret Squirrel  (27-02-2017),TheGooch  (27-02-2017)

  12. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    958
    Thanks
    839
    Thanked
    444
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Agree with posters before me. This is really sad that you feel this is ok but I understand why.
    I hope you will be able to have some help. Everyone deserves to be respected.

    In answer to your question my husband does not call me names. I think in the 12 years we have been together he might have said I was being a cow? He was made well aware that it was unacceptable to me at that time. Sure we have arguments and sometimes raise our voices but never truly yell and he has never laid a hand on me.
    Our lives are far from perfect and sometimes not even happy. Maybe we disagree more than other couples too but he does not abuse me.

    Take care of yourself. You deserve more.

  13. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    1,012
    Thanks
    927
    Thanked
    416
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts

    Default Feeling down. Advice?

    DH and I have been through rough patches and we're not perfect- we have both said pretty nasty things to each other in arguements.

    But I 100% agree that you're not in a healthy relationship. It's not ok for him to ever slap you across the face and put you down every day.

    I think going to your GP is a great first step. Also, tell people you trust in real life what is happening in your home environment. Even tell your GP.

    Good luck, I think you deserve better than what you're living now

  14. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    2,152
    Thanks
    2,079
    Thanked
    1,585
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by M'LadyEm View Post
    Your partner may well be in a bad mood and having a vent, but when that is directed at you explicitly and all the negative aspects of your behaviour, it's not right. Slapping you across the face is not right. My experience is limited, but it does sound like an abusive relationship. Emotional abuse (the 4hr tirade) and physical abuse (slapping you across the face) at the very least. Whether you love him or not is irrelevant in identifying that the behaviors displayed are unacceptable.
    This. In 13 years I think the worst we've said to each other is that he was being a jerk and that I was being a cow. And that was only once. I will admit to flipping out and screaming before, and that was when I was in the worst part of my PND and PNA - and completely out of character for me. We had disagreements and argue, but we don't name call, we don't scream at each other, and we definitely don't hit each other. Doing those things, especially regularly, is not normal, and definitely abusive.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Zoloft--feeling worse before feeling better
    By HollyGolightly81 in forum Postnatal depression
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 22-03-2017, 21:23
  2. feeling alone
    By sarahraggy in forum Adoption / Surrogacy
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 23-03-2016, 20:30

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Heinz Baby BasicsOur BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our ...
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›