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  1. #31
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    I like to think mine is 'lived in tidy' as well. After I had DD2 our large house became a bit much for me and I was constantly stressed about it - it was like looking at a list of all the things I needed to do, and I have trouble getting things done one-handed with the two girls hanging off me all the time.
    We now have a cleaner come once a week and it's been amazing, it motivates me to keep the house tidy and get all the washing folded and put away. She cleans the kitchen, bathrooms & floors.
    The kids do leave toys all over the house and I've almost always got a load of washing that needs sorting and folding, so I try tidy but it's hardly ever spotless!

  2. #32
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    @delirium I think that's it for my mother too. She had a big family with lots of big personalities and was very sensitive.
    She got it from her father and I got the passive rather sit and read than fold the clothes attitude from her mother lol

  3. #33
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    We just moved from a big house to a tiny house. Big house used to get so messy and it was so overwhelming. Chucked 2/3 of our stuff to be able to fit in the tiny house and voila, it's mostly tidy now, at worst it's ten minutes from tidy! Ditch your stuff and see how tidy a person you become!

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  5. #34
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    The bedrooms (ours and the kids) and the kids toy room (3rd bedroom) are always the messiest. Not "dirty" but messy. Might be some clothes or something on the floor which I just haven't got to. I think it's too easy for me to just shut the door and walk away. Our living room, kitchen, laundry and bathroom are always pretty clean. They get messy but I'm onto them right away usually. We have drawings all over our walls which I have scrubbed and scrubbed and given up on as we are painting the walls soon. The carpet is filthy looking and stained but it was before we moved in. They offered to replace it with brand new carpet and we said no, we have 4 small kids (4, 2, 1 and 4 months old when we first moved in) and we will worry about having it replaced when they are older. So I'm not too worried about the stains for now.
    I vacuum the living area and sweep the kitchen Lino probably twice a day most days.
    My biggest issue is clutter. We really need to cull down our stuff. Too many storage boxes for my liking. And it looks worse because we are in a smaller house. It's 3bdr, single living room, small sunroom, no dining room as it's an eat-in kitchen, no garage etc. and with 4 kids (now 7, 5, 4 and 3) it gets full pretty quick. We have a tiny pantry so have a bookcase in the kitchen area as well so that looks messy.
    When hubby is away, the house is much cleaner. He is often a fair whack of the reason our room gets messy.
    But the living areas, about 90% of the day it would be fine for someone to pop over without too much worry.
    We bought a dishwasher as the dishes were getting on top of me (bad carpel tunnel so it hurt like buggery). It runs twice a day most days. Same with washing. Towels are almost single use here (thanks kids and husband) ha

  6. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    For me it's about control. If I feel like I don't have control of a situation it triggers anxiety. Mess, unpredictability (bc I have no control), the unknown. I believe some of it is genetic - my mother totally has undiagnosed anxiety. And part is environmental - I grew up in a very unpredictable, constantly changing house where I had no control over the bad things.

    So I'm a rampant list person, I need order, control, predictability. Mess goes against those needs.
    This, 100%. Plus my mother cared (OK, obsessed) over what people thought. She would clean / tidy every second of the day in case someone were to come over. She was a single parent and hell bent on proving to the world she was coping. She would yell and scream at us to clean our rooms, and as a teenager I realised whenever she got upset about something I would automatically start cleaning. I've been very careful not to let it rule my life like she did, but keeping things clean and tidy does help me feel a sense of calm and order!

  7. #36
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    I am another one in the boat of keeping things clean and tidy to keep anxiety at bay. I grew up in a very dirty and messy house and it's definitely affected me in many negative ways. I do whatever I can to make sure my kids will never live like that.

    With that said it's been a long road for me to figure out how to keep a house clean (it was never taught or displayed to me). I focus on making things a habit, and after a while it just has become so. I started by focusing on the kitchen, doing the dishes and wiping the bench throughout the day every day for a few weeks. Some days I really had to force it but now it is just habit, I don't even think about it and because it's kept on top of it's never a big job. I applied that slowly to all areas of the house and now cleaning and tidying as I go is done without much thought.

    We also got rid of LOTS of stuff and I constantly have a bag for vinnies going. This is hard because DP is a hoarder but our deal is his junk has to stay in the garage because he has seen the obvious and instant effect clutter has on my mental health!

    I have a laminated cleaning schedule on the fridge with daily, weekly, monthly and seasonally categories. It might sound obsessive but in my work lists and planning are what makes it run smoothly (I'm a cook) so I apply the same practices at home and it's made a huge difference. I love my schedule!

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  9. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebirdgirl View Post
    Oh for those who get anxiety from mess or dirtiness, why do you think that is??
    My mother used to be like this. She says my father made her like it because he was super clean and neat to the extreme. I think she's always been like it though because she tells me stories of when she used to help out as a kid.
    After years of hanging out with me and ending up with cfs she is much less stressed about it now but she still has it in her.

    Does this happen to one in childhood or are people born like it?
    For me I think it's as simple as the old adage "messy house, messy mind". I am a classic introvert and like to spend a lot of time at home. It needs to be a place of calm for me because the outside world is often incredibly tiring. Right now I'm sitting at my dining table which is clear apart from a plant and my laptop, I can see the kitchen which has a clear bench with only the dishes from breakfast drying in the rack, I can see the living room which has a couple of toys on the floor but otherwise is clean, I can see down the hallway into my room and can't see any mess. For me, this equals clarity. If something stressful were to occur right now, I would be starting from a place of calm. If the house was a mess and all I could see were things that needed doing, I was feel very stressed and like I had so much on my plate...the spiral would start...then if something stressful or urgent happened, I would not be in a place to deal with it calmly and things would get bad. So I guess it is all preventative for me.

    The other thing is I grew up in a truly gross house and it was just not a nice way to live. It was embarrassing and caused a lot of feelings of shame. I still have a fair bit of anger towards my mother for letting me grow up like that. I don't want my children to experience that. If they want a friend to come over after school for example, I want to be in a place where I have no hesitation or panic at the thought of someone coming over. That was a daily feeling for me growing up, and it's really awful, so I do whatever I can to avoid it. I'm also very thorough about teaching my kids to take care of their home and their things.
    Last edited by GreenMama; 26-02-2017 at 07:17.

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  11. #38
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    Default how messy is your house?

    This thread reminds me of my MIL.
    When I mentioned to her I didn't enjoy my mat leave with either of my kids- I found it isolating and samey- she told me it was because I didn't spend enough of that time cleaning- yes she pulled out the "tidy house, tidy mind" line and therefore didn't enjoy being at home as it wasn't pristine. She didn't understand I had 2 demanding kids and a dog and I couldn't just clean the whole day. She was obsessive to the point it was unhealthy and didn't let her kids do anything fun as she was worried about the mess.

    I like a clean house, don't get me wrong, but when it gets messy/dirty again as soon as I clean it I've kinda given up.

    I like to think I have a happy medium. Not obsessively clean, but not a pigsty (well mostly). I let things go when I want or need to and get back on the bandwagon when I can be stuffed.

    The key is to have visitors regularly. That's a big motivator in my books to pull my finger out and tidy up.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 26-02-2017 at 07:55.

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  13. #39
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    I grew up with a mother who liked everything clean and orderly and would go mental if something wasn't in its place. And both my sister and I are the most untidy people in the world. My house is always untidy - it's not dirty, but there are things everywhere. I have a tiny house and too much stuff, which doesn't help. And I'm just lazy lol. Like right now I'm in my bedroom and next to my side of the bed is a pile of pillows that I don't sleep with, but use when I'm sitting up in bed. There's about six books on the floor, with my clothes from yesterday and Friday. At the foot of the bed is a laundry basket full of my clean clothes, right next to the chest of drawers. And this is actually a good day.

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  15. #40
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    Default how messy is your house?

    @GreenMumma I grew up in a dirty cluttered house too so I know what that feels like. I never ever saw mum clean or vacuum and she was a stay at home mum. She's also a hoarder so in that regard I like to throw away everything once I'm done with it or having used it in awhile. I'm still quite resentful about how lazy she is when it comes to cleaning.

    She actually blames it on her mum who was too obsessive with cleaning and therefore wanted to be the opposite.

    That's why I'm very mindful to try and find a happy medium for me and my kids.

    I do have cleaning lists (I'm a big list girl) but if things slide it's not the end of the world, I just add what I didn't get around to to another "to do" list lol.


 
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