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  1. #1
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    Default Memorial service suggestions

    I am not sure how to post my own thread but just wondering if anyone has had a loss and had a little memorial I mentioned it to a friend and she told me I am being stupid wanting to hold a small memorial for my baby I never got to meet...is she right? I just personally feel that I am grieving and it's a small way to start some closure for myself and my girls who knew about the baby and we all fell in love and even though we never got to meet our little angel he or she deserves to be remembered...life is life no matter how far into it you get.... I just feel I want to remember my baby and I want that baby to be remembered...or am I being silly...I was 8 weeks at the time of passing according to Drs I believe I miscarried about 2 days ago and still have a lot of pain and bleeding...follow up scan on Monday to make sure nothing is left I feel so empty heart broken and vulnerable but maybe I am being silly and at 8 weeks I shouldn't be sad from what my friends said.

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    Firstly, no one has the right to tell you if you should or should not be sad!

    I do know people who have had formal memorial services for late term losses, but not for an early miscarriage.

    We all greive in different ways and I guess it depends what you are hoping for from a memorial. If you want to gather friends and family around for support, then a lot if them may not 'get' the idea of a memorial for an early loss. In this case you may be better organising a girls night with soppy movies to all have a good cry together.

    If it is about commemorating your little one's life with those who already loved them, then perhaps just do something small and special with you and your girls. Maybe a symbolic planting a tree/rose bush? For my two little angels I found a little ornament that symbolises them each. They sit together on my dresser and they are for me. I don't need to tell others why I have them, but I am quite closed like that. Some people get a piece of jewellery or a tattoo to help them to remember the life that was. Many of us have needed these things to help us through.

    Take your time and think about what you need to help you through this. It can all be very hard to process and I wish you much sympathy.

  3. #3
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    I think your friend is quite heartless to say those things to you. I'm sorry for your loss

    I guess it's not common to hold a formal service for a miscarriage, hence some folks may not be totally understanding about it. It's not about them though - it's about you and your little family dealing with the grief of a loss.

    What if you and your girls held a private service at home? You could perhaps plant a tree in memory of your little one and all have a chance to say a few words?

  4. #4
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    I just wanted to do so,etching with myself and my girls like to do exactly that something small l was going to get a coloured rose and take it to our favourite beach and through it into the ocean with a little bottle attached with a note from each other the girls my self just to say we love you so much and you will never be forgotten. Not a funeral or anything like that but just something for us. My friend just said I don't have the right to do anything as the baby as far as I know never had a heart beat so he or she was just cells. It's hurtful... I feel so sad and lost I just don't understand why she feels to put me down all the time. She laughed when I told her I lost the baby and said oh thank goodness for that you already have 3 kids and are divorced imagine what people would of said you have another one! I am in a really low place and I feel guilty now that perhaps she is right and I lost the baby as punishment...

    Thank you to whoever made this thread for me. The support is appreciated a lot it's so hard doing this alone. My ex I haven't told as I know he wouldn't care either way so I a, going through this alone with my girls my mum has been amazing and supportive I just wish more people understood a loss is a loss no matter big or small different yes but a loss all the same

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    Wow, I would need to distance myself from a friend like that! She may jot be trying to be mean, it can be hard to understand the loss of miscarriage until you have been through it. Show mat think her comments should make you feel better (I've seen a few threads on here over the years sharing the 'advice' given after a miscarriage. Big hugs.

    What you have planned sounds lovely and will hopefully help you cope at this time.

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    I would be finding new friends

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    I messaged her to day and just "said right now I need to distance myself from you as you can not see how much I am hurting and your lack of understanding I am not sure is intentional or just lack of empathy but it's not helping me through this process. You are now pregnant with your 3rd child and I would hate for anything to happen to that child and I am happy for you that your happy and healthy and so is your baby but right now I need to focus on myself and my girls and our feelings. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions and respect they are different from mine but I need support right now and I can see your not able to be there for me and that's ok I respect that...when I am feeling stronger I will be in touch and in the mean time I wish you all the best." She replied and said whatever your such a drama queen you lost a bunch of cells get over yourself.... Feeling guilty I feel sad now maybe she is right? This is my first loss during a pregnancy and maybe I am taking is harder than I am meant to? But I am gutted and I can't change the way I feel...

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    Wow, she does not sound like the sort of friend I would want around!

    I'm sorry for your loss. We commemorated our first lost baby by buying a nice teddy that our future children could enjoy. It helped me immensely to commemorate the fact that our baby existed, even if it was just to us.

    I was scared that I would come to forget bub, if I didn't do something to remember them and it really helped me to accept things and move on.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to MrsErinR For This Useful Post:

    my3girls85  (25-02-2017)

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    My journey still continues as my levels of hcg are continuing to go up which my dr thinks is odd so have a scan on Thursday now to see if there is something else in my uterus I didn't believe him took a test this morning and I will post what I got

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