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  1. #61
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    Maybe it's normal behaviour, but I'm just going off my experiences - like I gave up on going to mums group after never getting to even say 2 words to anyone because I spent the entire time attempting to prevent him from destroying their completely unbabyproofed houses, while all of their kids played perfectly with the toys in the living room & ignored all the uncovered power sockets, low ornaments etc. Which is why I now have no mummy friends.

    That's basically what I ended up thinking was normal & I guess I have to figure out how to change my mindset somehow

  2. #62
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    @gingermillie that's so lovely. I too have 3 girls who have been very determined to do it their own way! Not so adventurous as your little one but definitely know what they want!

    @allatsea that's sad. I can totally empathise. That would be me with my little girl. There's been lots of things I haven't attempted to do because of how she is. We had to stop going to parks for months because all she did was run full tilt and I couldn't do anything but follow her to make sure she didn't get injured. She just would not do anything but run. No fun.

    One thing I have learned and painfully so at times after 18 years being a mum is do not ever compare kids.
    Yours to anyone else's or your own to each other.

    What are your sons strengths? What is he good at and what does he like doing? Is he just adorably cute?

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  4. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Maybe it's normal behaviour, but I'm just going off my experiences - like I gave up on going to mums group after never getting to even say 2 words to anyone because I spent the entire time attempting to prevent him from destroying their completely unbabyproofed houses, while all of their kids played perfectly with the toys in the living room & ignored all the uncovered power sockets, low ornaments etc. Which is why I now have no mummy friends.

    That's basically what I ended up thinking was normal & I guess I have to figure out how to change my mindset somehow
    At 2.5 something like playgroup, kindergym or even swimming lessons would be great. It burns off toddler energy and gives them something to do. You don't get to just stand around and chat the whole time and you will be needing to watch him from time to time, but I find it really good to get my toddler out, socialising with other children, playing with different toys, and it gives you a safe place to let him "destroy" (or explore as I would prefer to say).

    Playgroup and kindergym is meant for small exploring hands and feet and for jumping, running, making messes, playing outside in a safe place. I think something like this would be really valuable for you and your child and there are always playgroups in every suburb. If you don't gel with one try another (some are run really excellently and some are a little meh, you just have to try a few sometimes). You will get to see other toddlers and their behaviour and how other mum's handle it, maybe even get some tips.

    Have you spoken to daycare about getting some ideas? They are with toddlers 40 hours a week and will have some excellent advice specific to your son. Use them.

    I really wish for you to be able to enjoy your son, he isn't "naughty" or whatever other negative words people like to use. He's just a toddler trying to explore his world. Enjoy his learning about the world and join in with him.

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  6. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Maybe it's normal behaviour, but I'm just going off my experiences - like I gave up on going to mums group after never getting to even say 2 words to anyone because I spent the entire time attempting to prevent him from destroying their completely unbabyproofed houses, while all of their kids played perfectly with the toys in the living room & ignored all the uncovered power sockets, low ornaments etc. Which is why I now have no mummy friends.

    That's basically what I ended up thinking was normal & I guess I have to figure out how to change my mindset somehow
    Well I would say they are the ones with the 'abnormal' kids. Not you. No toddlers I know can be trusted with stuff they can easily grab!
    Your son sounds fine, interested and engaged with the world around him. It's a stage and hopefully within a couple of years the not listening and doing whatever he wants will mellow as he learns the social 'rules'. It would be great for you to read up on normal toddler development stages and associated behaviours and ways to interact with that that suit your parenting style.

  7. #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearlygirl View Post
    At 2.5 something like playgroup, kindergym or even swimming lessons would be great. It burns off toddler energy and gives them something to do. You don't get to just stand around and chat the whole time and you will be needing to watch him from time to time, but I find it really good to get my toddler out, socialising with other children, playing with different toys, and it gives you a safe place to let him "destroy" (or explore as I would prefer to say).

    Playgroup and kindergym is meant for small exploring hands and feet and for jumping, running, making messes, playing outside in a safe place. I think something like this would be really valuable for you and your child and there are always playgroups in every suburb. If you don't gel with one try another (some are run really excellently and some are a little meh, you just have to try a few sometimes). You will get to see other toddlers and their behaviour and how other mum's handle it, maybe even get some tips.

    Have you spoken to daycare about getting some ideas? They are with toddlers 40 hours a week and will have some excellent advice specific to your son. Use them.

    I really wish for you to be able to enjoy your son, he isn't "naughty" or whatever other negative words people like to use. He's just a toddler trying to explore his world. Enjoy his learning about the world and join in with him.
    We go to swimming & soccer lessons on the weekends. He enjoys them. I've never really met any other parents there though

    Currently looking for a different playgroup that I can get to on public transport. We've been going to one & everyone was nice enough, but they were all already in their little cliques & I couldn't break in. So currently looking for another one

    I'm also keen to try kindergym, I'm just still working out how to get there on public transport

    I can definitely talk to daycare. What sort of things should I ask?

  8. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebirdgirl View Post
    @gingermillie that's so lovely. I too have 3 girls who have been very determined to do it their own way! Not so adventurous as your little one but definitely know what they want!

    @allatsea that's sad. I can totally empathise. That would be me with my little girl. There's been lots of things I haven't attempted to do because of how she is. We had to stop going to parks for months because all she did was run full tilt and I couldn't do anything but follow her to make sure she didn't get injured. She just would not do anything but run. No fun.

    One thing I have learned and painfully so at times after 18 years being a mum is do not ever compare kids.
    Yours to anyone else's or your own to each other.

    What are your sons strengths? What is he good at and what does he like doing? Is he just adorably cute?
    That's just a snap shot of their day though. Just bc you see that child playing nicely for that hour doesn't mean they are always like that. DS2 can happily sit for a good 30-40 mins if he's watching one of his favourite movies. Or if you catch him when he isn't tired and he comes up gives me a cuddle and flashes his long lashes you'd probably say he was a gorgeous sweet kid..... maybe not so much in other parts of the day when he's spinning like a blow fly on the floor having a tanty bc I refuse to give him chocolate. Or when he's hurling toys screaming SHUT UP bc he's exhausted from losing his day sleep.

    My point is that every child has their good and bad moments and you were probably glimpsing one of the better ones.

  9. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post

    I can definitely talk to daycare. What sort of things should I ask?
    Literally anything. What you have been asking on here even. Reasonable expectations for his age, gaining his attention, eating at home etc. You can always ask on here too, but they know you/your son and will be able to give you advice/tips specific to your situation. I have asked daycare lots of things, don't be afraid to talk to the educators in his room as they spend all day with your kid, plus a tonne of other people kids and will have lots of advice for you to help you out at home.

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  11. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Maybe it's normal behaviour, but I'm just going off my experiences - like I gave up on going to mums group after never getting to even say 2 words to anyone because I spent the entire time attempting to prevent him from destroying their completely unbabyproofed houses, while all of their kids played perfectly with the toys in the living room & ignored all the uncovered power sockets, low ornaments etc. Which is why I now have no mummy friends.

    That's basically what I ended up thinking was normal & I guess I have to figure out how to change my mindset somehow
    DS was not too bad as a toddler. He tended not to go wander or touch much (he was a koala baby). He did not really play with toys or kids though - he just wanted me.

    DD is already different. Adventurous. Loud. Definitely not shy.

    We went out for lunch with friends the other week. We have an almost 4yo and 10 month old. They have a 4yo and a 15 month old.

    We spent the whole time chasing the 10 month old and 15 month old. They were trying to climb down steps. Get into everything. And when you removed them they screamed. And thrashed. And did it over and over.

    DH and I took turns eating mouthfuls of food and had 2 minute chats before having to entertain the younger kids.

    But we just consider it normal for DD. And our friends consider it normal for their DS.

    We just made sure they were safe. And had to leave when they got too much. But that is life with kids.

    Please don't compare your DS with everyone else. All kids are different and have good and bad days. My DS can have a day he sits like an angel and the next he screams and thrashes and hits because he spilt milk on his shirt.

  12. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    That's just a snap shot of their day though. Just bc you see that child playing nicely for that hour doesn't mean they are always like that. DS2 can happily sit for a good 30-40 mins if he's watching one of his favourite movies. Or if you catch him when he isn't tired and he comes up gives me a cuddle and flashes his long lashes you'd probably say he was a gorgeous sweet kid..... maybe not so much in other parts of the day when he's spinning like a blow fly on the floor having a tanty bc I refuse to give him chocolate. Or when he's hurling toys screaming SHUT UP bc he's exhausted from losing his day sleep.

    My point is that every child has their good and bad moments and you were probably glimpsing one of the better ones.
    Ha! Spinning like a blowfly is a great analogy I was stuck on a ferry not long ago with a screaming child for 40 minutes because he couldn't have ice-cream at 10am, whilst getting hideous looks and mutters from oldies thinking I have a demon child. When he threw my thongs in a rage I had to laugh. It was so ridiculous.

    And last week he was laying on the drs floor yelling out "poo-poo" over and over at the top of his lungs literally not 3 minutes after taking him to the toilet and he wouldn't go, while I was trying to pay the bill and get another appointment arranged while everyone in the waiting room sniggered.

    Honestly @allatsea, we all have these stories

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  14. #70
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    I recently went to a Maggie Dent seminar on parenting boys which was fantastic. She really broke down great ways to communicate and how they're different to girls, and even then kids generally fall into two personality categories (roosters or lambs) and that each of those need slightly different communication methods too.

    I am not eloquent enough to try and explain it - even my husband looked at me like I was loony when I was trying to relay it back to him after the seminar - but if you get a chance, I'd highly recommend looking her up on YouTube. A lot of what she said really resonated with me and made so much sense! Some of her techniques might give you some tools to work with in getting a better response from your LO and help explain why these kids do some of the things they do that drive us mums up the wall!

    Hang in there, this parenting gig is a constant guessing game and incredibly tough!!


 

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