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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    He had completely refused to walk into daycare, which is why I ended up carrying him & two bags. He grabbed the pen off the counter at daycare as we went past.

    Our house is still completely babyproofed

    I'm taking things on board, I'm just struggling to figure out what are appropriate expectations for his age in general.

    Plus things like that honestly do frustrate me. Maybe I do need to somehow adjust my expectations, but I'm also not a saint - I didn't really appreciate being stabbed in the eye with a pen, especially when I'd asked him 5 times to put it down. I just felt like it didn't have to happen.
    Nor would I but he's only two. He has no idea that's wrong or will hurt you. None at all. Kids this age are only starting to feel empathy but it would be very limited for most kids.

    I would say all of what your son does that upsets you sounds usual. He does seem very active and some kids are.
    He seems to get overstimulated very easily which can also be within a range of normal for the age too.
    I would feel that most of his over the top behaviour is because he is sensing your stress. It's feeding his nervous energy. His personal way of releasing that energy is by acting silly. Partly age related and partly just his personality.
    As I've said my son is very similar. He can work himself up very easily. He is still struggling to make sense of others emotions at 5. Not all the time but enough it can disrupt things.

    I personally do understand being sensitive and easily frustrated. My mother is very much that way. She finds my kids hard to be around.
    I had similar feelings myself but I was a young mother and had very high stress/needs baby for my first. I had to bend or I would have broken.
    With each kid I have learned more and more about different personalities and reactions. I still get frustrated. It's normal.
    But at the end of the day we do have to realise that they are small people with a very small scope. My husband struggles with this a lot.

    Personally I feel like getting yourself some help would be more beneficial right now.
    Whatever that might be, whether it's doctor related, natural medicines or making time for just yourself once a week to regroup.
    Some people really need that.
    It's often very hard to accept and often hard to do, but happy mum will make for happier home.
    (I'm also talking to myself here so no judgement at all)

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  3. #52
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    If he hasn't listened by the third time you've asked - intervene and put the bags down, take it off him. I know my kids aren't listening by 3 times. After that you're just repeating yourself and getting worked up. You could just do a quick google and it will tell you what to expect of a 2 year old. Raising children network website isn't too bad for development milestones too

  4. #53
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    My DS is almost 4. It is like talking to a brick wall 90% of the time.

    DD I suspect will be worse. She is more 'spirited' at 10 months than DS was.

    It is frustrating. And annoying. But totally normal.

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    Default Toddler refuses to listen

    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    I had my hands completely full today - two bags in one hand & him in the other & i ended up getting stabbed in the eye with a pen because he refused to listen one of the five times I asked him to please put it down.

    By the time I'd managed to put him & the two bags down so that I had a free hand to take it away it was too late

    How do you deal with situations like that?
    I occasionally lose my temper. Ok, maybe a bit more often than I care to admit.

    I vent anonymously on bubhub.

    And I drink...... sometimes from 4pm lol

    There is no set way of dealing with it. But it something we ALL deal with as parents.

    You need to find a coping mechanism or outlet.

    No parent is perfect and no child is perfect. It's no walk in the park but that doesn't mean there's something wrong or that you need to dissect/over analyse every little thing. That's your anxiety talking.
    Last edited by Little Miss Sunshine; 01-03-2017 at 19:37.

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  7. #55
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    As others have said, it's a bloody hard age.

    I had a very "spirited" toddler who was fond of escaping and climbing everything, he would bolt towards traffic and no amount of screaming as I chased him would make him stop.

    Positive reinforcement is good. My fella loved trains so those $2 mini trains from big W worked well as random surprises for good behaviour. Choice can help too. Let him choose a shirt to wear, between two cups, where to go etc. I found that was good. A reward also can be a walk to the park, a rise on the car at the shops etc.

    Does he get plenty of time outside? Fresh air can help.

  8. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Of course you get tots who are very quiet and compliant. Which I would say is normal too. But my eldest who is now in high school - she is the quintessential nerd. Never ever been in trouble at school. Model student. She got into things heaps at your son's age. Tried to run off. Didn't always listen.

    And my experience and that of mother's around me, is that *generally* boys are worse. They are more everything. More noisy, more devilish, more hyper. Again, of course there are placid little boys not like that. But usually boys are worse at this age.

    Get down to his level make him make eye contact with you to break that concentration then give him clear direction. He still may buck at doing what you tell him to, but he'll hear you.
    Agree. I have two girls and a boy. My girls just listened to me. I don't remember them running off with anything they could get their little hands on or being so defiant. Then I had my son. Eek. Whole other ball game.

    I get down to his level, make eye contact and say I'm going to count to 3. This has started to work recently. I give him loads of praise when he's good too.

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    Totally normal toddler behaviour. I have a 2 year old, and for us, the pen situation would have gone like this: toddler grabs pen, I say 'put it back'. Toddler would have thrown herself backwards in my arms and screamed like a banshee - because, how dare I ask her to put it back? I would have put the bags down, taken the pen away from her, she would have cracked the total sh!ts. Because logically to her, she wants the pen! I would gently put her on the ground kicking and screaming, step over her, and carry the bags inside without her (if it's too hard to carry her + bags all at once). Me to staff "oh, she's having a toddler moment" *eye roll, chuckle*. Go back for screaming toddler and distract her if possible, or if not, take her screaming inside and wait until she gets over it. It's really not an irregular situation for us, and TBH I wouldnt have had a 2nd thought about it. It certainly wouldnt stress me out. I'm on my 3rd toddler now So barely bat an eyelid at this kind of thing!

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    Default Toddler refuses to listen

    Hi, @allatsea, I've been reading your threads over the past few days, and I honestly think it will help you to reframe your thinking about your son. He doesn't 'refuse' to listen. He just doesn't listen and comply immediately because that is the developmental stage that he is at. He's not 'bad', or trying to upset you, or wanting to be naughty.

    If you expect him to 'misbehave' then I think you will find you have less anxiety than if you expect him to comply and behave perfectly.

    Your son has all of the power in your household. I would recommend reading 1,2,3 Magic. It helped me a lot with my spirited little boy, and even though he is pushing all of the buttons at the moment, all I have to do is start counting and he will comply (no matter how reluctantly).

    You need to let yourself set boundaries, and give him natural consequences. You can start by a simple change in language:

    'I'm going to take this pen now.'

    'I am going to walk into childcare and you will come too.'

    Then add a forced choice if you need:
    'You will come too. I'm in charge. Are you going to hold my hand or walk on your own?'

    It will take time but if you are consistent and firm it will work most of the time.

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    Default Toddler refuses to listen

    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    He's my first so I have absolutely no idea what is age appropriate expectations.

    All I can go off is the other kids his age I know. All of them, I have witnessed numerous times - their mum says something once & they immediately stop. So I thought that was normal. Maybe it's not, but that was all I had to go off so thats what I went off

    Now I don't know what to change my expectations too because I don't know what is normal behaviour & age appropriate.

    I don't have any good experiences with community child health & have no-one else that I can ask
    Who are these people with toddlers that listen as I've never seen them?!. I'm often at the playground giving a conciliatory smile (or receiving one) as we all battle our toddlers to listen for the 50th time. I told friends a couple weeks ago I felt like ds1 had cotton in his ears whenever I spoke because he acted like he heard nothing. The past week it's like a fog has lifted because he is all of the sudden responding or saying sorry if he's ignored me, his little brain has obviously made some sort of connection in maturity in this regard.

    Honestly, maybe just go to the parenting section of a bookstore or library and grab a few books that appeal to you regarding toddlers if you're genuinely this intolerant and impatient with him and want to change. What everyone has said regarding the pen are spot on.
    Last edited by HollyGolightly81; 01-03-2017 at 20:26.

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  15. #60
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    OP I can empathize with you as I have a 20 month old daughter who never listens. And you know girls are supposed to be compliant little kids (please note my sarcasm at that gendered stereotype I don't actually believe it!). I'll tell you about her, she might sound familiar
    So my dd doesn't listen. Doesn't matter how many times/ways/volume of my voice that I say things.
    She goes 100% from the minute she gets up to when she goes to sleep.
    She never sits still.
    No tv show or toy will hold her attention for more than 2 minutes.
    She wants to be outside all the time.
    She climbs everything and has zero fear. She fell off the bookcase in her room the other week (after I had told her 3 times to get down). The next day she was back climbing on top of it.
    I ask her not to do something and she looks at me with defiance and does it anyway. Or waits til I turn away and does it anyway.
    She is not cuddly at all. Unless she's sick. Normally if I try to hold her she squirms to get away.
    She wants her space. She wants to do it her way. In her time. She does what she wants to do and what she doesn't want is a battle. The gymbaroo instructor told me she's a control freak
    She's the kid at toddler activities running across the room, trying to get out of the room and generally not listening. Not tantrumming but just wanting to do her thing.
    And I have friends with toddlers the same age (all girls) and none of them are as spirited and energetic as my dd. I see them playing with a toy or engrossed in tv or sitting on their mum's lap being quiet and I think why meeeeee
    BUT I look at it in a positive sense. She's incredibly curious. She has spunk and personality in spades. She is pure muscle from being so active. She's super expressive. She's outgoing, not shy at all, and brave and courageous.
    I'm reading a book called 'raising your spirited child' and it talks a lot about using positive words and phrases to describe 'difficult' toddler/child personality traits and behaviours. I recommend it to you.
    Also wanted to say clearly it's not just a boy thing! Lots of people say my dd is 'like a boy' in her behaviour - no she is a girl just energetic and that's quite ok
    I just wanted to share my DDs story as she's perfectly normal just spunky and I have to work with her personality and needs and read her to get the best out of her.
    Your ds sounds normal, challenging but normal. And yes it's so frustrating when you see mum's with perfectly behaved little toddlers and think what have I done wrong from my limited understanding I think it's good to arm yourself with info, know you're not alone, and know that your ds is within the realms of normal behaviour so it's just a matter of working out how you can change your actions/reactions/behaviours/way of communicating to get the best from your relationship. Work on yourself - that's hard but will probably give you more wins than trying to change him.
    All the best and keep venting/asking for help.

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