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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Miss Sunshine View Post
    I think whilst it's great that you don't want to use food rewards, and in another post you mentioned iPads/tablets.... but why make it harder for yourself?

    I had all these fantastic ideas on how to parent- I've since learnt that if I'm not coping and it's not working- f... it.

    Anyways, I personally think trying to change/modify his behaviour is a moot point and you need to work on getting your anxiety and ability to cope sorted.

    Best of luck.
    He basically never gets chocolate or lollies except at parties & I want to keep it that way for as long as possible. No other food would be enough motivation.

    No tablets as rewards as we don't have one & can't afford to buy one just for that purpose. I'm not risking my phone getting smashed, dropped in the toilet, thrown (which he has been known to do) as I can't afford to replace it. I have a protector case for it but it only protects the back. They don't make otter box for my phone.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    He basically never gets chocolate or lollies except at parties & I want to keep it that way for as long as possible. No other food would be enough motivation.

    No tablets as rewards as we don't have one & can't afford to buy one just for that purpose. I'm not risking my phone getting smashed, dropped in the toilet, thrown (which he has been known to do) as I can't afford to replace it. I have a protector case for it but it only protects the back. They don't make otter box for my phone.
    Give him 15 mins of tv time. Favourite cartoon etc.

    What toy does he like?

    You can reward with 'healthier' treat options. So rather than chocolate giving him a sugar rush then give him a chocolate bliss ball.

  3. #23
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    My 2 cents. Don't threaten things that you won't follow through with. If you aren't going to throw the lunch in the bin, don't make it a threat. They quickly learn that you won't follow through with things or they can't predict what is a consequence and what isn't.

    In the lunch scenario, give him something to eat while you prepare lunch (some cheese, bread?). Not sure what you are preparing, but perhaps your expectations of how long a toddler can sit and wait are too high. Make his lunch then make yours while he is eating?

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  5. #24
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    I hear you with the 2.5 year old! The latest thing for DD is she has a babybel cheese on her lunch plate - I let her unwrap and peel it herself and put it on the plate, it takes her about the amount of time it takes for me to prep her lunch - winning!
    We also have a reward chart (for staying in bed until 6am), when she gets 5 stickers she gets to choose a trip to the "special park" which is just one in town we don't go to often, or a $2 ride at the shops. We are also trying to avoid food rewards.
    I find giving her choices and control wherever possible really helps.
    But some days it's such a struggle, I also have a 4 month old who doesn't sleep much and sometimes I'm just too tired to be bothered and let a lot of stuff go. Also Peppa pig helps.

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  7. #25
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    This is the most frustrating age! They may not be able to get their words out and we all end up getting frustrated.
    But its the time to start letting them make choices.
    Let him help make lunch. Ds likes to get everything ready for me then i make it.
    Ds loves trains so i will reward him with looking at a train dvd. Yes there will be tantrums at the end some days but he is learning that that behaviour us unacceptable and the dvd wont be put back on because of the tantrum.

  8. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Even picking my battles, the power struggles are just huge. My non negotiables are sunscreen, teeth brushing & nappy changes.

    Usually to accomplish those things it involves me restraining him because nothing else works & it's really draining & frustrating.
    I fee your pain my 21/2 year old can be a nightmare at times.

    My rule is he has to have hat & sunscreen on or he doesn't go outside.

    For teeth brushing I use to use a wiggles song that we brushed his teeth too now he is ok with us doing it we just count with him as we do it.

    I make sure DS has something in his hand distracted when I put his nappy on, he is only in nappies at night now so it's not so bad.

    We have also just started 1-2-3 magic with him & negotiation if he wants to do this he has to do that ect so far so good.

    All the very best.

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  10. #27
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    Without sounding rude I think you are expecting too much from him at this age.
    To me he still sounds as if he has sensory issues or he is picking up on the stress things are causing you and acting out.
    He is your only child so he is the centre of your attention whenever you are with him which can be overwhelming for him and frustrating for you.

    Let him be a toddler. They make messes, they don't understand much and they think the world revolves around them.
    It's not spoiling to allow them to be little.

    I think no iPads or phones is excellent. My advice with that is do not go there with such a strong willed child. Maybe some sensory play time would help calm him? Or some duplo? More time to just play.
    I would not in a million years let my 2.5 year old try to help me in the kitchen either lol
    I'm probably old fashioned or something but at that age mum is doing the food prep. Kids just eat.

    It seems like you are causing yourself a lot of troubles and this kind of stress will impact your child

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  12. #28
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    I have a 2 year old. He is into EVERYTHING, yells shut up (thanks so much older sibs!) and generally pushes the boundaries.

    He's 2. That's what they do. They are learning the world, interactions, the power they have over people, cause and effect. I know it can be frustrating - just today DS2 has played in his own poo, pushed the teat in his bottle in and poured 200mls on my floor and generally screeched like a possessed banshee.

    While I don't believe in allowing kids to just run all over you, I agree with others, I think your expectations are too high. He's 2. This is what they do, and IME boys are way worse for it.

  13. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by allatsea View Post
    Even picking my battles, the power struggles are just huge. My non negotiables are sunscreen, teeth brushing & nappy changes.

    Usually to accomplish those things it involves me restraining him because nothing else works & it's really draining & frustrating.
    Sunscreen - get him to help rub it in / put it on himself / sing a song while you put it on him eg just make something silly up along the lines of "I love sunscreen, I love suncreen yes I do, yes I do"

    Teeth - have you tried getting him to lie down while you do it? It is easier than standing up, especially if you wrap him in a towel first. Another idea is to do it while he is in the bath. Again, making up a silly song may help. "This is the way we clean our teeth, clean our teeth, clean our teeth before we go to bed"

    Nappy changes - mine used to run around naked and pee in the garden at that age. If wiping his bottom an issue stick him in the shower.

  14. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pearlygirl View Post
    I have a 2.5 year old too, a few tricks that seem to work for my kid are:

    - natural consequences (within reason obviously). If he throws his food on with floor then what? He might cry/tantrum, natural consequence is that he's upset his food is on the floor and then has to have something he might not prefer instead. Ask him to help clean up and show him you can't just make a mess. Hopefully a lesson is learnt and he doesn't do it again.

    - positive reinforcement. This works absolute wonders for my toddler. I literally praise every single good thing he does. If he's good in the car, puts his bowl in the kitchen, plays or sits quietly at the dr, holds my hand in car parks etc etc I tell him he's a wonderful boy and so so good and how pleased I am with him. I also give lots of kisses and cuddles throughout the day. This works really really well on my little guy.

    - adjust expectations if he's just not having a good day eg sick, tired, emotional for whatever reason. Everyone has bad days and crap moods, toddlers are no exception. You can't get too angry when they haven't had enough sleep or are getting over a bug.

    - I really try and minimise being cross at DS over minor things, Of course he makes me cross sometimes but doing this means when I really have to tell him off about something (eg running on the road) he listens and gets quite upset that I'm cross at him. My parents used to yell at us all the time and eventually it really just doesn't have any impact. I guess this is where choose your battles comes into it and think through if this is a big deal in the grand scheme of things or not.

    Its definitely not easy but hopefully with some more support and time you'll get through this tough stage.
    Some really great advice here.


 

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