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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    I, personally, have no problem with a male caring for my children.
    But my older two would not be comfortable so it is not something that I would allow.
    Quote Originally Posted by DT75 View Post
    For my older two, no.
    It is a bit different though, as they have been abused in the past, and are very uncomfortable around males over 12.
    The school/OOSH/future high school are aware and accommodative.
    I
    Should point out that I also won't allow a female alone with my older two.
    I don't want to keep it as men alone, as they will continue to fear being alone with men. Also I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I am doing it, so make it seem that I am protecting the adult (they have another adult) as well as the child.

    Would be interesting to see if they did the same for a male child.

    I can't help but feel that the stats of men abusing women are higher because men don't report it often- I know several men who were abused and won't admit it for fear of being seen as "less manly".
    We KNOW that a lot of victims don't come forward. Can we say, honestly, that if they all did, it would still be majority female victims?
    Sure, we can make an educated guess, but if you really feel the need to "go this far" to protect your children, you would do it for both. Just in case.

    ETA: I was very uncomfortable being around the dad of a friend of mine for years. I now know why- he was grooming me. His wife was always around and it didn't deter him.
    If a man (or woman) wants to do it, they find a way, even in a crowd.

    My mum was abused by an aunt and an uncle (different sides of the family).
    Last edited by DT75; 01-03-2017 at 08:41.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phia View Post
    @JustJaq just wanted to say - I really enjoyed reading your post - I feel similar about my 3 year old DD - thank you for articulating your point of view in such a compelling, calm and balanced way. You've gotta be a lawyer!
    Aw, thanks @Phia! I just put the topic out there for discussion - lots of people have been more articulate than me! I'm really not sure how i feel... I feel a bit uncomfortable with a complete gender ban, particularly considering (who i believe to be) the lovely male relatives we have... but I'm conscious of the stats, and I'm worried about being naive too.

    I guess we'll just blunder our way through as time goes on, probably making individual risk assessments as required. My DS is only 2.
    @DT75, FWIW, this resonated to me as equally applicable to boys and girls - my concern would be the same if i has a DD or a DS.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JustJaq For This Useful Post:

    DT75  (01-03-2017),Phia  (01-03-2017)

  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by JustJaq View Post
    @DT75, FWIW, this resonated to me as equally applicable to boys and girls - my concern would be the same if i has a DD or a DS.
    Fair enough Thanks for answering.

  5. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mason98 View Post
    This is exactly what scares me about the future. I have no idea how to deal with this prejudice as my son gets older, your words encapsulate my fears.
    It's not prejudice. It's risk assessment. I do trust my friends - there is a reason I'm friends with them! I've known these guys for 10 year and love them dearly, but I also know that the biggest risk factor for childhood sexual abuse is having a male adult other than your father living/staying in your home.
    Last edited by Renn; 01-03-2017 at 16:56.


 

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