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  1. #21
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    Default *Trigger warning* WDYT? No male babysitters?

    I would never choose who cares for my children by their s$x.
    I follow my gut, my instincts.
    My father regularly has my children overnight, my brother lived with us with his daughter for a while and babysat all the time and still does.
    I trust these men as much as I trust DF. I don't think twice about them being alone with my children.

    Genuine question, do those who don't allow males to be with their children allow male teachers? Day care workers?
    Last edited by Lincolns mummy; 25-02-2017 at 07:35.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lincolns mummy View Post
    I would never choose who cares for my children by their s$x.
    I follow my gut, my instincts.
    My father regularly has my children overnight, my brother lived with us with his daughter for a while and babysat all the time and still does.
    I trust these men as much as I trust DF. I don't think twice about them being alone with my children.

    Genuine question, do those who don't allow males to be with their children allow male teachers? Day care workers?
    For my older two, no.
    It is a bit different though, as they have been abused in the past, and are very uncomfortable around males over 12.
    The school/OOSH/future high school are aware and accommodative.

  4. #23
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    We haven't discussed babysitting in our family yet. My mum and dad have taken DD1 out for the day a few times and had her overnight once when I went to a wedding. My girls are still young and I don't trust anyone else to look after them right now. Both do go to childcare. I have no history of abuse but DP may.

  5. #24
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    I don't let anyone have care of my kids until they are over 4 years old in any case. Only my mother.
    I'm not sure about this though. Is it fostering a fear of men? I feel like it's going a bit far. What about boys? They can be abused just as easily by men or women.
    What other really restrictive rules are there in relation to safety?

    I go by instinct and trust my children when they are old enough. Maybe I'm naive but I don't want to live in fear of everyone.
    The males who have had care of my children during the day have been my mothers husband when my eldest son and daughter were smaller and the dad of 3 girls across the road that my 10 yr old plays with. He has also taken them up the road to the park and taken them to the shopping centre.
    She has gone to sleepovers where mum and dad were at home.

    I think most people in my real world anyway, would think I was paranoid if I started restricting my children because I was afraid of people.
    It's a bit sad the kids are missing out imo.
    Use your intuition.
    My kids had been asked to sleepovers at kids from school who I never laid eyes on and I've said no. I don't trust everyone but singling out men doesn't seem right to me.

  6. #25
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    As an anxious parent myself, I get their sentiments and wanting to protect their children. But they are relying on controlling their child's environment and they aren't going to be able to do that forever. Education is a much more sensible and fair solution. Teach the child from around 2, in an age appropriate way, what are the signs of grooming, what they should do.

    Now I'm not saying just allow the child to stay anywhere with anyone, of course not. But this approach is flawed. What happens at school camps? can they not have a male basketball coach? They are trying to micro manage but they can't keep men out of their daughter's life. All they are doing is setting her up for potentially more dangerous situations in her late teens and early adulthood when they *can't* manage every second of her life.

    And while I get that a vast majority of abusers are male, and most are men we know. If a close friend told me she wouldn't leave her daughter in my care if my husband was alone for even a moment with her..... I'm not sure there would be a friendship. I understand being cautious with the family you don't know that well. But a close friend saying that to me? Yikes.

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  8. #26
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    One of the reasons I choose DS school was that I wanted him to have male teachers and sports coaches , I'm obviously cautious but no he's been babysat by my dad and brother and BIL (usually with other kids) and I'll definitely allow sleep overs when he's older as I have so many great memories of sleep overs with my friends , I will be having open dialogue with him about being safe and being able to talk to me but I also don't want him growing up being ultra paranoid about everyone , I don't think I would feel differently if I had girls but I have 9 nieces and their parents have similar attitudes to mine but obviously you parent how you want to

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  10. #27
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    My dad minds my girls when I'm on nightshift. My DD2 wakes several times a night. He's cleaned up vomit bedding, soothed away nightmares, and always gives in to a cuddle. One time he was playing chasey with my 2yo and she fell and was knocked out for a few seconds. He cried the whole way to hospital that he might have hurt her. They work outside in the shed with him. He takes them to swimming lessons and school. He basically becomes me when I can't be here.

    The thought of depriving both my girls and my dad of this relationship based on gender makes me sad.

    For those who say no male carers... my girls had a male carer at their long day care centre when they started. But now that same carer has transitioned and is a woman. Picture the most gentle attentive carer ever. Would you leave your child with someone who used to be a man?

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  12. #28
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    Theres only very few people i trust with my kids but to say no man is allowed to babysit is going too far. Women can be abusive too and many men are great with kids.

  13. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    they are relying on controlling their child's environment and they aren't going to be able to do that forever. Education is a much more sensible and fair solution. Teach the child from around 2, in an age appropriate way, what are the signs of grooming, what they should do.

    Now I'm not saying just allow the child to stay anywhere with anyone, of course not. But this approach is flawed. What happens at school camps? can they not have a male basketball coach? They are trying to micro manage but they can't keep men out of their daughter's life. All they are doing is setting her up for potentially more dangerous situations in her late teens and early adulthood when they *can't* manage every second of her life.
    This. I used to work for DOCS as they were then, and I know what abusers do to young children more than I care to. BUT I will not exclude males from playing a role in my kids life because of it.

    Controlling the environment doesn't teach your kids to protect themselves. I actually think it possibly puts them more in danger. If they got separated from Mum at the shops, would they approach the Policeman they saw? Or not. Because he's male and they have been bought up to not trust men?? Which whether it is said or not, is implicit in them not being allowed around males on their own. Plus, it's highly impractical! Is the friend having her kids not allowed to go to the toilet or have a shower while they are they because then they are alone with her husband??

    I'd rather educate my kids about good/bad touch etc so they can protect themselves if possible and tell me about anything that may happen to them when it happens. As others have said, women can do things to children that are just as horrible as what a male p.aedo might do, so making a blanket judgement on men doesn't necessarily protect your kids!

    We had a male carer at the kids DC. He was all of our favourite carers! We cried when he left to be a SAHD so his wife could take a promotion. I loved that DS in particular saw that he could be in a caring profession. He also had a male kindy teacher part time which again, was awesome, and now in Yr 2, has a male teacher for sport.

    I will let them have sleepovers when they are older, but only with families I know well. I'm not letting them go to a friends house if I don't know the parents whether the Dad is there or not. I think we all want to protect our kids and all have different methods, and for me, that is knowing the people that my kids are around well enough to make that judgment call. Not suggesting to my friends that their partners are not allowed to be left alone with my children. I find that so insulting and would be highly offended if someone said that to me.

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  15. #30
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    My family (my sisters and I) have the same rule. If we watch each others kids they are never alone with our partners or any other man. My father has never had my kids alone, never will. Each to their own I say. But I wouldn't leave my kids with anyone I didn't trust (male or female). Upbringing and experiences has a lot to do with my stance. It works for me so shouldn't offend anyone else, but bad luck if it does - my childrens health amd safety come first.

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