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  1. #11
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    I find this so interesting. We don't have children yet, currently pregnant with DD.

    We always look after my nephew and I wouldn't even think twice about leaving him with DH while I do something. Would you apply this rule to your BIL?

    I also have no concern with my sister looking after DD when she arrives knowing full well she will be in the care of my BIL.

    Very interested in how you all feel about BIL FIL etc.

  2. #12
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    I also wonder if she had a ds would they be alone with his sister? Or are her daughters allowed to be left in a room with their father?
    I have nothing agianst what she is saying but would be interested in what she would do in those situations.

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by mummymaybe View Post
    I find this so interesting. We don't have children yet, currently pregnant with DD.

    We always look after my nephew and I wouldn't even think twice about leaving him with DH while I do something. Would you apply this rule to your BIL?

    I also have no concern with my sister looking after DD when she arrives knowing full well she will be in the care of my BIL.

    Very interested in how you all feel about BIL FIL etc.
    That's exactly it.

    The stats are awful. But then i think about my brother, and my brothers in law, and my dad, and my father in law, all of whom i love and trust. .. And then i think about the fact that abuse is most likely to be perpetrated by family members, and mostly you would have no idea until it's too late... It's difficult.

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  6. #14
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    We are really careful with who looks after our children. We have a few close friends and family but that's it. Sleepovers are out of the question, and it's really only been a handful of times someone has looked after them anyway. I suffered abuse as a toddler, thank my lucky stars every day I have no memory or recollection of it but I'm aware of what happened. We are hyper vigilant and don't care what other people think about our family choices.

  7. #15
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    Only family members have looked after my children so far. My sisters husband babysat my DD (plus had his own 2 kids) when we went to a function - I had no problem with this as I made a judgement based on the way he parents his own children. Likewise I would have no issues with my dad or brother babysitting.
    DH's best mate (male) is in a same sex couple - we are planning a holiday with them and take turns watching the kids so each couple can go have an uninterrupted dinner, how is that different to a hetero couple?
    As my kids get older I'm going to have to think long and hard about sleepovers etc with people we don't know well.
    I do know I don't want my daughter (and son) growing up being afraid or wary of adult males. Rather I want to teach them to know their boundaries and that they can tell me & DH anything if they are ever in a situation that makes them uncomfortable, be it with a male, female or both.

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  9. #16
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    I think some pretty valid points are made, however I just wanted to add some things. As a child I was "attacked" several times by a male cousin. This wasn't at male supervised parties and it wasn't at sleep overs. It was at family BBQs where several adults, including my parents were present. So avoiding sleepovers didn't protect me from me. Having females at the house also didn't protect me. So it is exceptionally hard to draw a line in the sand.

    I don't have a no males rule or anything like that for my kids. I just don't really have them babysat. My SIL has watched them for half an hour here and there when there were medical emergencies, and they have school/preschool etc but the only person who babysits them really is MIL and that's pretty rare as I usually just stay with them when we visit (because I like her). There are people I don't trust to watch my kids just because of an "off feeling" or because I've seen them drink too much around their own kids etc. it's easier to just say no to everyone babysitting and have them in my care until they are older.

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  11. #17
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    I am in a hurry so hard to get the right wording. I take a very hard line about who watches and is alone with *my child* (dd 20 months old). And I'm with @binnielici I don't really care what anyone thinks of my parenting in this respect
    The only man she is left alone with is her father. And when I say alone I'm talking even 5 minutes at a family BBQ. If my 36 year old brother wanted to take dd inside to show her the cat I would go with her. My father is never left alone with her. My BIL recently stayed with us for 2 weeks - we never left dd alone with him for more than a couple of minutes just popping a load of washing on kind of thing.
    I've never left her with a female friend either.
    Yes I'm ridiculously paranoid but I'd rather be paranoid and safe than hate myself forever if something happened. And yes I understand I can't protect her from everything but I will do what I can. It's like saying well I could die in a car accident with a seatbelt on so no point wearing the seatbelt. We don't do that we take what precautions we have Available to us and not leaving my daughter with anyone is a precaution I have available.
    The only people that look after my dd aside from us are childcare and my mum (always at my house she doesn't take her out anywhere).
    I might do some research actually in how to talk to children about bodily autonomy and protecting them from child abuse thanks to this thread!!

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  13. #18
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    I, personally, have no problem with a male caring for my children.
    But my older two would not be comfortable so it is not something that I would allow.

  14. #19
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    My kids are older. When they were young (toddler/pre-school age) I was strict...it depended on the individual as to whether they were okay to babysit...not gender.
    Now I have teens and preteens...we do sleepovers etc. Some houses I'm not comfortable with, others I am. My oldest went camping with a friend and the friend's dad recently. I had no concerns.
    DH has had sleepovers with kids here when I've not been around...the parents are informed of who will be in the house, but no one has said no to DH yet.
    I don't know...I understand the desire to protect your child, but I wouldn't take the same approach.

  15. #20
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    I agree with the OP and statistically based.. Men are a lot more common as perpetrators of child abuse and girls are more likely to be the target of abuse. I have only ever left my 2 year DD with one female friend for about half an hour and with my parents jointly regularly. I will not let her be babysat by a male or by a couple with male present. She will not be going on sleepovers.. Till mid to late teen.. But happy to let others sleep over here. Call it paranoid or overly protective., I call it risk reduction cod there are s lot of sick bas**ds out there and I don't want my daughters childhood ruined cos of this.


 

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